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Christmas

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Original poster

Do I tell DS the truth about santa or do I wait?

58 replies

Hohomerryxmas · 16/12/2020 23:18

For the past 2 weeks a classmate keeps telling my 9yo dc (and the whole class) that santa isn't real and that I'm the one who moves the elf around at night. They're in year 5. I was the same age finding out so I knew it was coming.

He's never questioned santas existence until now. He's obviously been questioning since by telling me exactly what his classmate has been saying but hasn't outright asked me whether what she's been saying is true, but it's clear from the way he discusses it that he does have some serious doubts.

I have another DS, 8, who is still very much a true beliver so its important to keep the magic alive for him.

Today, however, DS1 did outright ask me. They woke to find the elf had placed eggs in mugs and instructed the DC to pour water over them and they'd find a surprise after school (I switched the eggs and water for kinder surprise eggs). DS2 was astounded and hasn't stopped taking about since. Ds1, however, asked if I switched them while he was in school. He asked me this in front of DS2 so naturally I denied it was me and he said okay and left it.

I'm honestly at a loss as to what to do. With only 9 days left until Christmas I don't if it'll be pointless to tell him and just to wait until he starts asking or informs he now knows next year. I obviously have DS2 to think about too, I don't want to spoil things for him. I'm aware DS1 will be fully aware this time next year but do I keep denying its me for now or would this be cruel on DS1 to not be honest with him? Anyone else in the same position/ been in a Similar one?

OP posts:

reginaphalangeeee · 16/12/2020 23:29

I think it's always best to tell them the truth when they're at the point of questioning it. My son asked when he was 11 and said he had wondered for a year or 2. I don't think it's very nice to continue the "lie" when they're going to know the truth soon enough anyway as they get older. You don't want him to feel silly or deceived, he's pretty much worked it out. You just need to speak to him about not spoiling it for his brother or others!

TheRubyRedshoes · 16/12/2020 23:33

Absolutely not before Xmas! You're so close!! Let him have one more where he is not quite sure...

changedmynameforChristmas · 16/12/2020 23:44

Difficult one. Play it by ear. If he asks again, ask him why he is asking.

If he says people have told him at school, then maybe have a private conversation with him in fun saying you believe and it does nor matter what anyone else says, that you will always believe and smile at him.

If he cottons on or says more then you will be able to say 'don't spoil it for your brother/sister/grandma ' etc

changedmynameforChristmas · 16/12/2020 23:46

My grandson is ten and he says Santa is not real and everyone in his class knows. I always laugh and say 'well I believe in Santa'

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2020 23:47

I'm very confident your son already knows deep down Santa isn't real. This is just a last ditch attempt to cling onto the magic of it.

timetest · 16/12/2020 23:51

My DDs worked it out by year 5 but they didn’t tell me they knew till after Christmas as they thought it might have affected their haul.

M0rT · 16/12/2020 23:55

I asked my DM a 11 a few weeks before Christmas because a girl in my class told me she found her Christmas presents...my DM told me the truth and I was devastated! I had asked looking for reassurance.
I think if it had been September it wouldn't have been that bad but so close to Christmas and having to still pretend to believe for younger siblings made just burst my bubble.
I would hold out and tell him in February, especially because with that small and age gap he will never keep it from his brother.

Ajahd · 16/12/2020 23:56

I remember when I started questioning santa, I woke on Christmas morning to find a big soot footprint next to the fireplace. That kept me gou g for another year or two. Always though 'how did that footprint get there if there's no santa?'.

Never occurred to me that it was a bit peculiar, seeing as out fireplace was boarded up..... Also don't know what my parents used for soot.....

Just an idea if you want to keep the majic alive.

Ajahd · 16/12/2020 23:56

Going*
Magic*

pjhhjh · 16/12/2020 23:56

I understand people want to keep their children as children as young as possible but I think being in year 5, you should tell him.
My stepson is in year 5 so I am talking from experience of a child of similar age.

The only reason that is my opinion is because of other kids. They are cruel, and it might be something that he gets bullied over.

At the same time, it takes the magic away that you probably want to keep so desperately so it will be hard.

Kids find out too young these days because of technology - YouTube videos, etc. It's sad but it's true.

Emeraldshamrock · 16/12/2020 23:58

I'd tell him he knows anyway you need to come clean quietly.

changedmynameforChristmas · 16/12/2020 23:59

When my children were little I went OTT with the magic. One year we had a 'Santa stop here 'sign in the garden'. On Christmas eve I jingled bells on the landing and we threw a Santa hat into a tree saying it had fallen off his head when he landed on the roof.
Years later they told me they knew it was me all along and they were very young at the time. It was playground talk of course from older children but I was surprised at how young they were, and that they never said a word to me, letting me think they were fooled.

My daughter told me she knew the tooth fairy was me because she was awake when I came to put the money under her pillow.

Mycircusmymonkey · 17/12/2020 00:00

Too close to Christmas IMO. At the time brought the subject up with mine in the summer when they were less likely to feel sad about it. They’d already started to questions things. Although my 15 year old keeps asking me if he’s getting a certain item for Xmas and I just say dunno it’s up to Santaucjbto his annoyance

DramaAlpaca · 17/12/2020 00:01

Once they ask you directly it's time to tell them.

Luzina · 17/12/2020 00:03

I went through this with my stepdaughter last year (she was 8). I had already told my children the truth when they asked at a much younger age. My preference would have been to tell her but I wanted to respect her mum’s wishes. In the end her sister told her the truth and she admitted she’d known for ages and was sick of pretending just to keep the adults happy.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 17/12/2020 00:09

Ds is in Y5 and has done the 'It's not real, I heard you last year' thing. I've laughed it off and said 'Let's believe in the magic one more time'. He knows I know that he knows the truth.
For the oldest I was happy to say "Yes, you've rumbled us, but ruin it for your sibling and the stocking stops".
I

BranstonPrickle · 17/12/2020 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

myhobbyisouting · 17/12/2020 00:15

Ffs, it's Christmas. Don't tell him...ever (Santa is real)

Are you all crazy?

ClinkyMonkey · 17/12/2020 00:41

I had to tell my 12yo DS a couple of months ago as he started secondary school in September and I was worried he might get teased. He was quite taken aback. I still can't believe he got to 12 and still believed in Santa, considering he has a healthy dose of scepticism about God! I wanted to let him figure it out for himself and thought maybe age 10 would see the end of it. Part of me thought it was sweet and part of me was thinking 'pleeease, just ask the question'!!

I remember last year he wanted to go and see Santa in a big blow up snow globe and I was secretly very reluctant to take him because he's tall for his age and would have been standing there like a giant among all the wee ones, looking more like their dad. I don't honestly think he would have cared - he really is the most unselfconscious person I've ever met - but in the end we were all really unwell and couldn't go anyway.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/12/2020 01:05

He clearly already knows. Just tell him that you'll always believe in the magic of Christmas and hope he will help you keep the magic alive for his younger brother.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 17/12/2020 01:45

I always think of it as ‘a magician doesn’t reveal their secrets’. I have a friend who can do amazing card tricks. I know he can’t really make cards disappear but it sure feels like he can. I try to guess what he’s doing but he’d never tell me. The fun is in the illusion.

Just because they’re questioning doesn’t mean there’s no fun to be had in the illusion, it just changes the nature of it. There’s a lot of space between ‘true belief’ and just pulling back the curtain and destroying the illusion completely - you can make a game of it.

My eldest is already asking questions age 7 but I always give silly answers and he laughs and forgets it was a serious question in the first place. The other day I answered a question with “well if Santa’s not real then who looks after the reindeer?” and we got into imagining what would happen if the reindeer had to deliver the presents on their own and making up a silly story about a reindeer who gets lost because Santa didn’t leave a map. I don’t know that he really reakly believes even at his age but the illusion is still fun.

Baileysoncereal · 17/12/2020 02:47

I knew from about aged 5 after a kid told me at school (parents should really ask their kids not to spoil it for everyone else I think!)

But DM always maintained he was real and if I wanted him to bring me gifts then I may want to reconsider my disbelief...and warned I certainly would get coal in my stocking if I tried to convince younger siblings there was no Santa
It was done in a tongue in cheek way and I went along with it until I was about 13 then.

MarmaladeTeepee · 17/12/2020 05:06

I honestly don't remember having the conversation with my parents, but DM was very much 'if you don't believe you don't receive' so that might have been a factor in it! DS is in year 6 so I very much doubt he believes but he hasn't come out and asked, he's quite quiet and not especially forthcoming with his opinions and his conversations with his friends seem to be entirely fortnite based so I'm confident he won't be making any Santa comments at school which could risk him being picked on. I think it helps too that we've never done Santa presents. Santa in our house is merely a glorified postman who brings the presents on Christmas Eve, but all are clearly labelled with who they're from, so there's less at risk.

I did kill the Easter bunny a few years back when DC were 7 and 5 and DD woke me up at stupid o'clock asking why the Easter bunny hadn't been and in my half awake state I declared there is no Easter bunny (I'd never mentioned it, it was her teacher who'd put the idea in her head) and that it was me who did the Easter egg hunt. She was devastated, so I agree with other PPs who said don't have the conversation right before Christmas especially as Santa is a much bigger deal than the stupid Easter bunny (when did that even become a thing anyway???)

fruitypancake · 17/12/2020 05:43

I've recently had to tell my 10 yr old for the same reasons, he would not take no for an answer. I feel a bit sad about it though and would have preferred to wait

Newstart20 · 17/12/2020 05:52

Personally I would try to hold him off until after Christmas. Most schools break up very soon so hopefully he won't keep asking after that. After Christmas if he asks again you can tell him, if not then I would wait until mid year and bring it up at a time when it doesn't really matter.

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