Do I tell DS the truth about santa or do I wait?

[Hohomerryxmas]

For the past 2 weeks a classmate keeps telling my 9yo dc (and the whole class) that santa isn't real and that I'm the one who moves the elf around at night. They're in year 5. I was the same age finding out so I knew it was coming.

He's never questioned santas existence until now. He's obviously been questioning since by telling me exactly what his classmate has been saying but hasn't outright asked me whether what she's been saying is true, but it's clear from the way he discusses it that he does have some serious doubts.

I have another DS, 8, who is still very much a true beliver so its important to keep the magic alive for him.

Today, however, DS1 did outright ask me. They woke to find the elf had placed eggs in mugs and instructed the DC to pour water over them and they'd find a surprise after school (I switched the eggs and water for kinder surprise eggs). DS2 was astounded and hasn't stopped taking about since. Ds1, however, asked if I switched them while he was in school. He asked me this in front of DS2 so naturally I denied it was me and he said okay and left it.

I'm honestly at a loss as to what to do. With only 9 days left until Christmas I don't if it'll be pointless to tell him and just to wait until he starts asking or informs he now knows next year. I obviously have DS2 to think about too, I don't want to spoil things for him. I'm aware DS1 will be fully aware this time next year but do I keep denying its me for now or would this be cruel on DS1 to not be honest with him? Anyone else in the same position/ been in a Similar one?

Awww I never asked my parents as didn’t want my stocking to stop 😄 literally haven’t asked them to this day. I live in fear of someone at school telling my 5 year old so I’m glad you’ve all got all the way to year 5! Feels DS has only had a couple of Christmases where he’s aware what is going on, and now a covid Xmas, I really want lots more magical ones ☹️ He’s already asking if FC is real, if the one who comes through our village on a jeep is real etc 😄

I will say, if kids don’t believe in Santa then yes it is their parents doing the stocking as they don’t want their kids to be the only ones with no stocking. But yes, Santa comes to the ones who believe. I certainly wouldn’t give gifts to children who didn’t believe in me, so that makes sense.

And the garden centre/grotto Santas are of course his representatives, the real Santa is too busy in Lapland to go to all these grottos the world over.

I wouldn't say anything right now because Christmas is only 1 week away. Tell him afterwards.

He will already know it's not real. Up to you if you tell him or not but I think at 9 I think he's old enough to know the truth.

I would probably deflect for a while so if he asks “ is he real”? You can respond with “ what do you think? “. If he says he doesn’t believe them you could say “ well that’s up to you - I believe” or something along those lines. Reiterate that different people believe different things and that’s ok. If you feel it’s better to be straight then do it in the New Year... he surely only has a couple of days left at school this year anyway and then Christmas is here.

FWIW, my dd1 was not far off 9 when she told me in very matter-of-fact tones, shortly before Christmas, that she knew Father Christmas was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it.
So I did.

Much later, when she was early 20s, she told me she’d been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a little longer. I felt so 😩!

I wouldn’t tell him, not just before Christmas. By next year he’ll almost certainly have sussed it out for himself anyway. If he asks outright, like my dd, at that age I’d just say, ‘Well, if you don’t believe, maybe he won’t come.’ (Though of course he still comes to everyone in this house anyway, even if you’re 89.)

I used to say I knew santa wasn't real as my friends were saying it. But secretly I thought he was. I woukd havebeen devastated to hear otherwise. Christmas is so si close dont ruin it for him. By all means tell him after the holiday if you're really worried but not now. It coukd ruin his Christmas, whereas pretending won't do any harm.

Don't tell him ever! My parents never told us and when I was early 20's my mum would still ask 'has he been?!' all done with a wink! My two are 19 and 16 and just roll their eyes when I mention Santa. They obviously worked it out for themselves years ago and now just go along with the fun. If they have ever questioned it I have said I believe in Santa because he is the magic of Christmas and also wouldn't it be a shame if it was true that non believers don't receive! I can't imagine coming right out and saying it to a child. Just make it into a game as a pp said, there's little enough joy in the world x

Dd went through a period of intense questioning a couple of years ago which I resisted because of younger DS who was really upset when I told him about the Easter Bunny (as I had no idea he actually believed). She has dropped it now. I think we're all content to let the magic fade.

I think it can be quite uncomfortable for children to be in the in between stage of questioning it but still wanting to believe.
I’m trying to go down the ‘wink wink’ jokey route with mine but ds has gone quite quiet sometimes when it’s mentioned.
I think next year I will come clean in the summer somehow and try to make it into more of a game that the kids are in on as well.
The elf is probably a good way in-you could ask your ds for ideas of what the elf might do next to entertain ds2 and set that up

I had this a few weeks ago. Classmates telling others Santa wasn't real my son asked I said if I tell him I can't take it back so I told him the truth. He was ok about it but I made sure he had to go a long with it for his other younger siblings.

My 9 year old has started to ask questions, I think he knows but wants reassuring. I simply said, "If you don't believe, you don't receive" and left it like that.

My policy is, if they're old enough to ask, they are old enough to get a proper answer - for all questions not just this one. As a child I hated being fobbed off with non-answers to things, I would just want someone to tell me and that definitely informs the way I answer my children.
I have a 10 year old who believes and 2 teenagers who worked it out and asked about 9/10 ish so I expect this will be the last Christmas of anyone believing. I find the insistence on kids having to believe as long as possible a bit odd, honestly. I love Christmas and it's absolutely magical even when they don't believe - it doesn't ruin Christmas to know that it's your parents who buy you presents. We all still play along with the fun of it, my DS makes a devious Santa trap every year which he finds hilarious knowing that we have to figure out a way through it to deliver his stocking.

Ds12 has asd, he started questioning me like 2 years ago but never outright asked, this year he’s not said much, he’s used certain phrases to try catch me out but I think he knows but is just humouring me. Dd8 is a true believer too so I want to keep the magic alive as long as poss. I don’t want to ask in case he doesn’t know. Bit of a tricky situation.

Im pretty sure my 9yo knows I move the elf (ours just hides around the house), and that there's no Santa, Easter Bunny or tooth fairy. I can also see she wants to believe. And she will do anything to keep her sister (7yo) happy.
Seeing their reactions yesterday when I showed them pictures of the elf playing in the swimming pool... DD2 was convinced our elf had been naughty and travelled across town to the pool. DD1 was torn between me messing with photos or it being another elf toy. (The swimming pool had an elf toy they posed around the closed fun pool and water slides)

Ask him what he things and how he came to that conclusion.

My DC figured it out for herself but didn't want to tell me as she knew I still believed.
She thought it was her dad who did it all which is why I got a stocking too.

I just avoid saying yes or no to the question. I often put things I wouldn't usually buy in their stocking (sweet things and sugary mini cereals) and then say 'well do you think I would give you sweets?'

My parents didn't ever tell me and I eventually worked it out quite late. One year when I had almost stopped believing my Nana told me that she had seen the sleigh one night and I couldn't believe she was making it up so that stayed with me for another year.

Ask him what he thinks and how he came to that conclusion.

I think if he’s asking, he doesnt know. IME when they really know they keep quiet about it, especially where there are younger siblings. Imagine if you answer and he’s devastated. I’d keep going.

@reginaphalangeeee

I think it's always best to tell them the truth when they're at the point of questioning it. My son asked when he was 11 and said he had wondered for a year or 2. I don't think it's very nice to continue the "lie" when they're going to know the truth soon enough anyway as they get older. You don't want him to feel silly or deceived, he's pretty much worked it out. You just need to speak to him about not spoiling it for his brother or others!

I agree with this.

I was always vague about Christmas anyway as I don't mind when kids believe but when adults do elaborate RADA-level performances about it being real I am a bit

I'm 46 and my mum has never told me "the truth" about Santa (whatever that is?). Neither have I told my DC (late teens).
We just used our brains to work it out eventually. The magic is still intact!

I was of a similar age when I questioned my parents. I was the youngest of three, I questioned them several times, pushed quite hard on it and they told me he was real. Obviously, next year I knew for sure as the whole class didn’t believe but I was really annoyed with my parents for lying to me when I was directly asking them.

It is difficult but I think if he asks again then you should tell him.

I have loved not have to pretend this year with DS age 9.
Mid October we had the chat about 'Santa' being a key word for kindness and giving.
DS has been brilliant and we also said some children are not ready to know this information and it's not his job to tell them it's their mum and dads job.

We've done a couple of 'kind' things in the name of Santa since.

I'm also super excited for a new Christmas Eve as all my kids are now older so it's a later night games and movies and take away and hot chocolate. No sneaking around etc.

My 11 year old had it figured out by age 10, I was secretly glad she figured it out before starting high school because my god there are some nasty kids there (that's a WHOLE other thread). But she pretends for the sake of my younger two which is really sweet.

DS9 did start to question it recently, but DD8 is still a firm believer and these two are joined at the hip so I said of course he is real and DS is back to being a firm believer (for probably another year) and i expect when he stops believing DD will follow suit because they dont even breathe without making sure the other one is doing it too

But, it's more than just believing in the big fat man delivering gifts. I think as long as they can still believe that xmas is a magical time, the santa myth becomes something else entirely. It moves from Santa the magic gift deliverer to Santa the symbol of a fun, family day.

Time to let him in on the truth - that Santa is real but he is mums and dads and big brothers and sisters and everyone who helps make magic for younger people.

@DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes

Time to let him in on the truth - that Santa is real but he is mums and dads and big brothers and sisters and everyone who helps make magic for younger people.

That is a really lovely way to look at it.