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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

At what age do you...

29 replies

Winterfairy23 · 01/12/2020 10:13

At what age do you stop buying so much for 'children'?

My niece is late teens. She's my only niece and for context I don't have or plan to have children of my own.

I always spent time putting together nice gifts for her when she was a child then she hit early teens and always asked for money so it was always £50 in a card for Christmas and birthdays. I don't really like giving money as a gift because I like to feel I've got a person an actual thing or experience.

As she has got older she has asked for things again which I prefer, but the handbag costs £60, the next year the trainers cost £75, the most recent item is now £90.

I don't mind spending the money on her at all because, as above, she's my only niece and I love her to pieces. It's not that I can't afford it either, but I also realise this can't go on forever as she grows up being the only adult with that much money being spent on her.

Do you just suddenly cut the spending when they're 18? Or 21?

Mine got cut down a fair bit when my niece was born as she was then the baby of the family then again when I went to uni.

What do you all do/think is reasonable?

OP posts:

PinkJam · 01/12/2020 10:14

I think 18 is time to stop or at least reduce it a lot.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 01/12/2020 10:19

18 in our family though even then it was only from close relatives such as immediate family and godparents, not all the aunts and uncles.

ekidmxcl · 01/12/2020 10:19

Well if you were giving 50, you were a lot better off giving money than things, as you are now up to 90!

Anyway to answer question, if she’s in education or a poorly paid job then I’d continue giving her stuff of a similar value.

Atalune · 01/12/2020 10:21

I stopped at 21, now they just get a token gift at around £10.

TeenPlusTwenties · 01/12/2020 10:22

18 or 21 in our house.

Atalune · 01/12/2020 10:23

I do have 9 niece and nephews and then 2 god children! I tend to spend about £25 on each for birthdays and Christmas and then for their 16,18,21 they get a bigger present and then they scale right back.

Aebj · 01/12/2020 10:23

My aunts and uncles gave till we reached 16. Then we had some money at 18

Wherearefoxssocks · 01/12/2020 10:25

Has she specifically asked you for the £90 gift? Or is it on her general list? £90 is a lot of ask of an aunt!

Either give her cash and a token gift or just find a generic nice adult gift. There is no way I'd spend that much on one niece! I have 6 nieces and nephews and spend £15-20 on each

LaMadrilena · 01/12/2020 10:27

I'm 37 and have lots of cousins aged 25-40 aprox. All out aunties and uncles still buy for us, just something little or 20 quid in a card. I kind of wish they wouldn't, but I am grateful.

They also buy for all their great-nephews and nieces, and there's dozens of them! Again, just something little like a book.

It's all bonkers, but it's nice.

Original poster

Winterfairy23 · 01/12/2020 10:48

@Wherearefoxssocks the handbag was a specific ask one year but I didn't mind so much as it was only £10 more than what I'd have given her previously at the "cash only" stage.

Now I ask her for a wishlist so I can choose something but everything on it costs around the same. This year it's airpods, doc martens, expensive trainers etc. I'm sure a lot of teens her age have similar wishlists.

If I had multiple nieces or nephews to buy for then it would be £20-25 each for sure!

OP posts:

Anoisagusaris · 01/12/2020 10:51

Send the wish list back to her with a jokey message telling her to put some other, more realistic stuff on it, her parents can get her the expensive stuff .

Anoisagusaris · 01/12/2020 10:52

She is taking the piss and her parents should make sure she isn’t sending a list like that.

Original poster

Winterfairy23 · 01/12/2020 10:57

The wishlist she gives is for her parents (divorced) and both sides of the family to choose from. Grandparents as well etc.

I was in my mid teens when she was starting to understand Christmas so I understood why it became more about her as before then I had been the youngest of the family.

Because I don't have children I'm hoping it's not going to look harsh one year cutting her budget down to match what the rest of the family get such as my sister and my mum. I still get them really thoughtful gifts and spend time choosing something they'd like, but not £100 each of course.

OP posts:

KittenCalledBob · 01/12/2020 10:57

My niece is 18. I gave her a generous present for her 18th birthday earlier this year (much more generous than usual, as I think an 18th deserves something special). My intention was to stop giving her anything after that.

So, this Christmas is the first time there has been an 'occasion' (Christmas or birthday) when I would usually have given her something and will just send a card. It does feel a bit weird to have 'crossed her off the list' as it were. I think I'll stick to my plan though. Otherwise, where do you draw the line? I don't give my brother presents, so why should I give his DD (actually his DSD) one?

Wherearefoxssocks · 01/12/2020 11:03

Could you club together with another relative?

Original poster

Winterfairy23 · 01/12/2020 11:08

@KittenCalledBob I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one feeling weird about it. I have her 18th in the not-too-distant future so I was worried what I'd do after that.

@Wherearefoxssocks there's only me, my mum, my sister, my sister's OH (stepdad to niece) and my niece on our side of the family. If I had other siblings that would have been a really good compromise so she could still receive something from her list, but being able to split the cost.

I've already bought her gift for this year so that's by the by. I did wonder about going forward. After her 18th I think I'll go back to the £40-50 gift if she's at uni then will put her into the adult budget at 21 (or sooner if she gets a job instead of going to uni).

Thank you a for sharing your points of view 🙂

OP posts:

cheesecake864 · 01/12/2020 11:24

I think that's really kind of you to buy your niece expensive presents, and I think once they are 18 it's fine to treat as an adult abs buy a smaller gift.

I also think the parents should step in and manage the 'ask' from kids. My kids all have expensive taste but I make sure they put £15-20 things on there lists for relatives to buy, and I set them a budget for gifts from grandparents etc. My brother doesn't vet any of his kids requests and his daughter has asked for a £120 gift from grandparents when the budget is £60 for grandchildren. I know as I do the on line shopping for them. And my parents feel they have to buy it as it's what the daughter really wants. Where as my kids have asked for things in the 40-60 range as per the agreed budget.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 01/12/2020 11:32

We’ll probably keep buying for nieces and nephews for a while yet, some are already over 18 and we’ve carried on. They’re at Uni so don’t have a full time wage yet so it’s nice to help them out. Maybe once they’re working full time we might stop.

KittenCalledBob · 01/12/2020 12:18

Hmm that’s a fair point. My niece is at uni so isn’t working yet. Maybe I should continue to class her as a ‘child’ until she leaves uni. Feeling bad now...!

Floralnomad · 01/12/2020 12:21

Once they are earning , be it pt or ft if they don’t reciprocate with a gift then I would stop buying . Our adult dc ( 20s) are the only ‘children’ in our family but they buy their own gifts for the uncles / aunts etc , both of mine prefer the giving to getting and put lots of thought into it .

EternalOptimist7 · 01/12/2020 12:24

We stop at 18 for Christmas & Birthdays but I still send little pressies during the year “ just because”.

Lottieskeeper · 01/12/2020 12:28

In my family you get 'downgraded' to an adult, and get no presents from aunties, uncles, and other non immediate family; when you have your own children.
Although we only ever had presents around £15ish to start with.
A £90 present would have only ever been from parents. Who incidentally went mad and spent 100s.

CorianderQueen · 01/12/2020 13:10

Mustbethewine · 01/12/2020 13:15

I don't have any nieces or nephews but most of my aunts and uncles stopped gifting when I was 16. I had an uncle who gifted beautiful gifts (not token gifts) until I had DC of my own then my DC received the gifts. But from the aunt I'm most closest to, I still receive absolutely beautiful gift and myself, DP and my DC are spoilt rotten by her, but we’re very, very close.

Mylittlesandwich · 01/12/2020 13:19

We're all older in my family. We spend £5-10 on each other. There's 2 children in the family and we buy more for them. I probably spent about £25 there.

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