Buying for families bigger than your own

[Yulelog1]

If you have time one chid and need to buy for families with a couple of / several children do you spend as much on each child as they spend on yours or even it out as a per family spend? Our income has dropped but we still seem to be expected to spend quite a bit per child and in some cases more than they’d tend to spend on ours. Don’t want to look like a tightwad but I’ve learnt not to ask what they’d like and thinking of reducing what I buy for future birthday/ Christmas gifts.

If you have 2+ children would you think this is tight? It’s just getting tricky to keep up with it.

Depending on their ages, could you buy a family gift such as a board game?

I have two - generally spend a little more on children when they are an only one as they buy two presents for my family whereas I buy one for theirs. Often get the parents a token gift too from the kids.

I worry about this too (we're the larger family) and tend to spend more to make up for it. But in your case I would just send a polite message to the parent you're closer to saying money is tight this year so you have to scale back on presents. They should understand.

If you buy for both adults and kids, maybe say that you'll only be buying for the children this year.

I have 5 children and the only family I buy for outside ours is godchildren/parents. They have 2 so I buy for both girls but I would suggest a joint present for them to buy my 5 like a board game. I wouldn’t expect them to buy 5 gifts

We have my sister with 2, me with 3 and my other sister with 4 kids. We all spend the same amount per child.

I thought about that but does it look tight not buying a gift for each of them? I think I could do this with friends’ kids but tricky when the older family children just want cash- I find this a bit grabby when parents back this up - or something hobby specific.

I spend roughly the same on the child regardless of how many siblings there are.

We have 5dc ourselves though and i do understand buying for them all can be costly

I have four and when people ask what they would like I always discourage gift buying if such as aunties insist then I usually say vests/pants/socks type of thing. One auntie usually gifts a £20 voucher for cinema or pizza so they can all enjoy a treat but not much use this year and £20 is still a significant amount!

I think you need a family discussion as it can get really out of hand. What about a Secret Santa so each child gets a gift from extended family.

tbh what works best is that the parents buy for their own kids from other people.

I have 3 kids and my siblings have 1 each. I buy my kids presents from my siblings and they do the same.

Once children are over about 7 then if you don't ask what they want the chances are you'll buy them something they either already have or will have no use for and will gather dust/ be given away.

The alternative is give cash or sweets.

However I'd rather get my kids presents they actually want and give them as presents from my siblings - then I carry the cost of having more children, rather than my children carrying the cost of having siblings.

I’ve sucked it up for this year but plan to do this moving forward. Thanks. Some of the nieces / nephews are much older now and I’ve always bought nice gifts. Our dc is much younger and I do find it a bit annoying that after buying for 2 adults and 2 + children that when our single and only came along some people suggested buying for children only ( after happily taking our adult gifts for 16 years or so). Still, that does save us some cash now.

You don’t have to give cash - you can choose something else if you like. If they suggest something over your budget, you have to say so. But family children - nieces, nephews - you should be close enough to the parents to be able to say so without offence. I wouldn’t buy a shared present for nieces and nephews, personally. Not their fault they’re in a family larger than yours.

You sound v thoughtful !

I buy for my dds cousins and godsiblings. There's 6 in total (3 families with 2 children each). My budget always has been up to around £20 per child as I want to get them a special present. It can get quite expensive as 4 of the 6 and my DD have their birthdays within a month of Christmas! But that's my choice. We only have 1 DD (again by choice) and I would never expect the larger families to have to spend more on my DD. I see the presents/expense as per child rather than per family.

When buying for my brother's five kids, when money was tight, I would give them a cinema voucher. So £50 instead of £100. They loved it!

We have this in DH's family as he and his siblings have 6, 3 and 1 child so it's very uneven. We are in the middle and spend the same amount per child - but noone spends a massive amount anyway (think a book as a present sort of spend).

If people ask what they can buy I tend to send ideas ranging in price do they can choose.
Totally agree it’s not the kids’ fault they’re in a bigger family. I’ll just choose what to get next time. I just found it a bit rough to be given suggestions costing more than my one dc would generally get .

@crossstitchingnana

When buying for my brother's five kids, when money was tight, I would give them a cinema voucher. So £50 instead of £100. They loved it!

Great idea. I thought about go ape for the future too.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

tbh what works best is that the parents buy for their own kids from other people.

I have 3 kids and my siblings have 1 each. I buy my kids presents from my siblings and they do the same.

Once children are over about 7 then if you don't ask what they want the chances are you'll buy them something they either already have or will have no use for and will gather dust/ be given away.

The alternative is give cash or sweets.

However I'd rather get my kids presents they actually want and give them as presents from my siblings - then I carry the cost of having more children, rather than my children carrying the cost of having siblings.

This sounds thoughtful too but I’d feel v awkward suggesting this now after years of buying.

I feel guilt for people buying my children Christmas presents so if people insist I just say buy them a selection box.

We have 2 and sibling has 4. I spend a bit less on each (I spend about £10 on each child) and they spend about £15 on each of mine. So roughly evens out. Weve never spoken about this, just seems to have happened. Its the thought that counts more than the money. We often make little bits to go with their present so they have more things to unwrap (like a hot chocolate jar or knitted socks). Doesn't have to cost more just be inventive.

I would try to get over being seen as 'tight'. If you don't have the money, you don't have it. Just send a card. I have several friends in different countries and used to make a real effort to buy lovely gifts for theirs kids. However, now most of them have 3 kids, it's just too expensive, and I send a card instead.

No children of our own, but re. Nephews & Neices:

The older only nephew gets an individual present off us, the three nieces & nephew who are younger get a cinema/day out/activity voucher for their family to use. Cost wise it works out as two equal presents but no equal per head IYSWIM?

I have two nieces and DH’s brother has three kids so we spend FAR more than we get back for our one DS. Especially as my sibling died a few years ago and my nieces’ remaining parents doesn’t buy for DS because ‘he means nothing to me’. DH’s DB spends the same on DS as we do on each of his DC.

Honestly OP you should spend within your own budget. I have a very specific budget for 5 nephews/niece and all the godchildren. (Generally £15 pp).

The year I asked what one particular godchild would like for Xmas and had a £35 present suggested was the last time I asked (I didn't buy that present either!).

I refuse to spend a fortune that we don't have to keep others happy!! Same applies to family too!