Passive aggressive Christmas gifts

[PenOrPencil]

I have had a shit week at work and I hate the fact that I have to buy nice Christmas gifts for my team, as they are all pissing me off at the moment. Here is what I would really like to give them, but won’t, because I am better than that:

Colleague 1: Angostura bitters for the most bitter person I have ever met.
Colleague 2: A back brace as you have no spine.
Colleague 3: A dictaphone so that you can record your moaning and can just play it on repeat. Or a hula hoop, as you just go round and round in circles all the time.

Ah, that feels better!

Just buy them a goat or a meal for a homeless person
Passive aggressive but at the same time no-one would dare complain or they would look mean

This year- we are so lucky all to have jobs that instead of gifts You have donated a vital vaccination to a child etc

Oooh that gives me an idea for a vaccination kit for my anti-vax friend 😬

I’d like to give mil a mother in laws tongue plant
She is all over passive aggressive
It’s the air she breathes

Person with no backbone- the jellyfish project

😂😂

Years ago I got the office whinged in secret Santa. I got her a glass half empty mug.

*whinger

Moany person- a period pack

@PenOrPencil do you work in my office?! I love your ideas!

@RickOShay Look up mother in law seat or cushion - perfect

@doodlejump1980 I had to distance myself from my anti vax friend, sadly

@WillSantaBeComingToTown ah, more subtle than a mere back brace, I love it!

I’ve always wanted to get my step dad a mug with “cunt” written in the bottom, he hates that word but it’s a word that suits him well 🤣

I did manage to get bil a dick mug one year. Suits him

I would have liked to hand over a catalogue of headstones to my mother and ask her to pick one out. She is a chain smoker who after being diagnosed with COPD told me her doctor told her not to give up smoking.
Then she kept trying to get me to pity her because "I'll probably be dead by Easter/Summer/Christmas"

Actually I should have asked her and my father to pick one out for them both as he is an obese smoker who had a heart attack in his 40s and has diabetes.

They treated my siblings and I like sh** as kids (it would turn your hair white) and again as adults and my daughter.
I now have nothing to do with them.

And breathe. That feels catheric. 😉

I picked the office stress-head for our Secret Santa a few years ago. I got her a “keep calm and drink tea” mug. Subtle, but still had a message behind it

Haha love it. I once worked with a guy, serious napoleon complex, always throwing tantrums and spitting his dummy out. Someone bought him a dummy and rattle as a secret Santa gift, it was so funny, he went nuts 😂😂😂

I'd like to send my SIL a cow...

I've never worked anywhere where my team lead has felt they need to buy us a gift, secret Santa or otherwise.

I did used to have a boss who bought everyone a bottle of wine and drinks which I thought was really nice until I found out they all went through expenses....

I bought arsehole ex BIL the cheapest bottle of red wine I could find. I imagine it tasted like vinegar.

@PearlclutchersInc I think my husband is your boss, he always puts wine through expenses at Christmas! 😂 to be fair it adds up when you need to buy 20 bottles of decent wine.

@PearlclutchersInc I have never worked anywhere where team leaders were not expected to hand out some kind of gift. It is also normal to put them through expenses and not pay out of your own pocket, unless you work in public services.

I need a passive aggressive gift for my nasty SMIL. I'm trying to find the skincare with the most obnoxious anti-aging slogans plastered over it...unless anybody has any better suggestions.

@pinkksugarmouse

I would have liked to hand over a catalogue of headstones to my mother and ask her to pick one out. She is a chain smoker who after being diagnosed with COPD told me her doctor told her not to give up smoking. Then she kept trying to get me to pity her because "I'll probably be dead by Easter/Summer/Christmas"

Actually I should have asked her and my father to pick one out for them both as he is an obese smoker who had a heart attack in his 40s and has diabetes.

They treated my siblings and I like sh** as kids (it would turn your hair white) and again as adults and my daughter.
I now have nothing to do with them.

And breathe. That feels catheric. 😉

I got a grave plot and stone for my 50th- I was over the moon Has been a closed grave yard where my family are buried for generations and they released a handful of plots Mine is next to the 1800 graves- some of which are ancestors

Perfect gift for expectant couples obsessed with gender stereotypes.... thefeministshop.com/collections/feminist-apparel-for-kids/products/organic-cotton-feminist-babygrow-would-you-say-it-boy-bold

Not sure if I have the courage of my convictions here but gosh I'm tempted

@penorpencil I wasn't aware it's so widespread, maybe I'm just being naive (bosses buying team gifts via expenses)

Years ago I had to buy the Christmas presents on behalf of my boss, he never realised but I was able to get some sort of deal with a couple of free bottles for every case purchased ... of course I kept the 'free' bottles . Another time I had to get chocolates delivered for 200 branches ... I asked a number of companies for complimentary samples before I made my decision .