Poncetastic 2020

[VivaJen]

I came on looking for the annual thread but can't find it so here is the start (courtesy of Fellatio - wherever you are)

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

@crocodilian, for adults or kids? You could pop in a floating candle and some pieces of evergreen/red berries (real even if you are making them close to gifting), maybe a length of twine, a personalised message tag and some instructions on how to make a small christmas floating candle jar?

@lucysmam, I've done the attached bookmarks for my parents. They're quite cute!

@NoWordForFluffy they are sweet. Bookmarks are definitely inspiring me now!

I'm off to have a look for a pattern or two & browse threads there are only so many insect enclosures one person can study the dimensions of in a day

@apumpkinaday there are loads of patterns on there...I'm a bit spoilt for choice!

Oh I know @lucysmam! I have basically no where to put them but I could easily have at least 30😂

I've never crossstitched. Grand old age of 44 and never cross stitched.

You've all inspired me to make our family Christmas cake on stir up Sunday, new tradition with my 2yr old ❤ Can anyone recommend a fairly straightforward non-alcoholic cake recipe please? Or would I just soak the fruit in oj or the syrup I use for coffee etc?

@eitak22. I’ve been making crackers for years and it’s a nice activity to do with the dc to fill a December evening.
At first I used to buy cheap crackers (for pennies in January, carefully open one end and slide my contents in, reseal and then pimp to match my table. I had plain silver crackers one year, some samples of a flocked damask wallpaper and I cut 3 thick strips for each cracker, added ribbon and pound shop stick on gems and they looked brilliant.
Another year, I went all-out eco, and saved the roll of brown paper inside gift wrap and hand cut them. They were decorated with jute twine and sprigs of rosemary. You just need a rectangle, fold the ends over to meet in the middle and cut a line of small triangles (diamonds when you unfold) along the folds so the cracker pinches in tightly and tears easily when pulled. Secure those with ribbon or string.
Whatever paper you decide to use, roll it up tightly and leave it for a few days before you start.
It’s hard to get snaps in Ireland and I’ve gone without the last few years and honestly not really missed them. But they seem easy to find in the U.K.

I meant to come on here to suggest that Poncers got hold of Fanny Cradock's wonderful book 'Coping with Christmas' . It's the one which tells you to cook your Christmas cake in January; Nigella took the piss out of that.
Sadly though, neither Amazon nor all the other booksellers I looked at have it in stock.
I know Fanny is a bit of a laughing stock these days, mainly by those who are not familiar with her recipes. I use many of them and they work.
The Christmas book has lots of treasures. Pickled walnuts plus marrons glacées, chutneys, various trifles, and all the seasonal stuff of course. She helpfully advises you on what wine to serve with roast sucking pig.
The first part of the book is very poncestastic, how to make swags and garlands and how to make a cracker container out of an upside down wire lampshade frame and a lot of tinsel.

Seriously, fellow poncers, if you spot it in a second hand book shop, grab it.

Hello everyone, so glad to have stumbled upon this year's thread, it's just what the doctor ordered.

You now collectively owe me 24€ for the Nigel Slater book I have just ordered because I wouldn't have bought it without reading you lot going on about it.

Before I can even think about poncing, I have the arduous chore of cleaning the house properly. We did some fairly major work during the summer holidays and only just finished before we went back to school (all work in/go to schools in our house), and we haven't quite found the time to fully get the house back to an acceptable standard of cleanliness yet, so the first few days of half term are going to be spent doing that, bleurgh.

Once that unpleasantness is out of the way, I will be making this year's pudding and thinking about advent calendars, 11yo DD has requested a "naice handmade one full of trinkets please mummy" (or, as it actually came out her mouth "est-ce que je peux avoir un calendrier rempli de petits bijoux stp maman chérie?).

I have already started to make little sugar/salt pots that my DM has requested as gifts for her friends at their NYE party (she still thinks that's going ahead... I'm not saying anything as it gives me an excuse to do some pottery).

This weekend I'm maybe going to start making some Christmas themed masks (we have to wear them pretty much full time out of the house here), although I do need to make the halloween ones first (I highly recommend Spoonflower on Etsy for small amounts of fabric, I pay €3.22 for a swatch big enough to make a mask, it's quite expensive I suppose, but it's cheaper than buying nice handmade ones and you can have any pattern you like).

I swear I put paragraphs in my post

I can see paragraphs, @LaChatte!

Thanks @Crocodilian and @thelegohooverer for the tips. Its only me and DH for christmas this year so don't need to make loads (will do a couple). Will probably put some chocolate, a silly joke i write and something monkey themed for DH.

I'm in the app and all my paragraphs disappeared, as did the grin (well, it turned into a star actually).

I really want to post photos of the sugar/salt pots so far, but once again the app won't let me. I'll try again with a random cat photo, bet it will bloody work this time.

@LaChatte I'd love to see the sugar/salt pots if you can get it to work...but I am partial to a cat photo too

I've just cut the cushion covers & am waiting for dd2 to shift so I can plug the iron in. I'm going to stitch the bottom hems first & use press-studs as the fastening, rather than spend on zips, since I already have them.

I have lots of offcuts left so am considering making napkin rings...we never use napkins but I figure there's a first time for everything!

@TheWoollybacksWife do you remember the crochet snowflakes you made me years ago? It's probably a long shot but I have pinched a crochet hook from Nanna. Do they have a pattern & are they simple to make? ❄❄

@lucysmam yes I remember, yes there is a pattern and yes they are easy to make.

Here is the pattern. It's written in UK crochet terms and has a really good photo tutorial. I sprayed yours with starch after I made them and pinned them out on a towel to dry. The same effect can be achieved with watered PVA and this could be an opportunity to add a bit of glitter.

If you don't get on with them give me a shout and I can make you some more. I'm knitting socks at the moment (Christmas present) so a quick bit of crochet will be a welcome distraction.

Are you doing them in traditional white or pink & purple to match your colour scheme?

May I join?

This is thread I read when I feel sad.

Today we collected pinecones. Some are for making Robin decorations, some are for our Centrepiece (note the capitalisation). I feel like I've arrived.

I've made our red wine for Christmas day.

I'm trying to find very very very basic cross-stitch patterns for a 5 year old that I can turn into book marks as presents.

Is frugal poncing a thing?

Poncing is the perfect way to be frugal. Foraging for greenery and decorative bits is perfect.

@BiddyPop posted earlier that the DMC website had lots of free cross stitch patterns. You may find something suitable there. Alternatively have a look on Pinterest at Hama bead patterns (sometimes called Perla bead patterns) these would translate quite easily into cross stitch patterns.

@TheWoollybacksWife thank you. I've ordered some light purple wool, and am having the darker one once my friend's made me a couple more gnomes so was going to alternate them - if I can get the hang of them!

I'm going to turn the offcuts from my cushions into mini bunting for the kitchen I think - there's plenty of the backing fabric left too so I'll only need one side.

@LetsBounce definitely look at Hama bead patterns for your 5yo, most should be simple to follow.

Poncing is mostly on a budget here or as little spent as I can get away with. If you have any friends who do a craft you like but struggle with; or you bake one thing you're good at & they make something they do better then swaps can be good too! I generally make a Christmas cake for the friend who is crocheting for me - she usually makes cheesecake for dessert though.

Grrrr I can't find my berry beads that I ordered. I've looked everywhere and I can't create the things I want without them. I'll have to order more then of course the original ones will turn up 🙄
The snow spray is coming off the pine cones does anyone have any tips for getting it to stay on? Glue?

It’s so lovely reading about everybody’s poncing but I’m getting so frustrated I can’t really join in yet- our tiny kitchen and living room have been knocked through and we are in the process of turning it into a kitchen/dining/living space. So the house is in chaos and I have no kitchen or anywhere to sit except beds upstairs which is grim at now 27 weeks pg!

The only thing keeping me going is working out where the tree will go, and making plans for Christmassy bunting and cards to be pinned along the beam, and looking forward to putting a sofa in front of the fire to be sprawled on while directing Christmas dinner!

Can I join please? Very skint this year so will be very much embracing the over lap between pouncing and economy.

Have streptocarpus and cheese plant cuttings on the go, need to work out how to decorate plain black plastic plant pots so they can be presents. Split a couple of hellebores for presents and taken some plant cuttings.

Children in the family are getting crochet animals and teddies. Did some of those crochet snowflakes last year just after I learned and they are pretty easy.

Have oranges coming today which can go in dehydrator and will start collecting fir cones. Have a bowl full of chestnuts off our tree which I want to be DH’s veggie Christmas dinner, ideally with apple as have some on tree. Apple crumble in freezer for Christmas Eve .

Need to sort wreath, I usually use an oasis one and add fresh flowers but might do a woven one using dogwood and chestnut twigs, found some florist wire so if I can find some rope might do a fresh garland too.

I've just bought myself the Your Home Christmas magazine & am looking forward to browsing it in peace. I actually went to the shop for eggs - usually get 30 farm eggs every couple of weeks & these pale in comparison :(

I did want to get a head start on pastry for mince pies but will wait until my friend gets back to me about eggs.

I'm going to stitch my cushion covers together once I've baked & buy another couple of the girls' presents online.

I have masses of fresh ivy growing in a tangle at the very neglected end of my garden. Any ideas how to use it poncetastically would be great!

Continuing on with my snowman theme... found this on Pinterest this morning. I feel a trip to B&Q coming on! 😬⛄️