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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Should I have got more

32 replies

feelinglikescrooge · 27/12/2019 10:09

Feeling like the worse parent ever.
FC brought oldest DD everything she asked for and a bit more.
DD seems happy and I was happy that DD was happy. Yesterday she went to her best friends for a couple of hours who got a laptop, phone and switch (although this item is shared with her brother), games for switch and a pile of presents three times higher than DD's (well that's how DD described it)
DD didn't ask for much because she is out of the house 3 evenings a week and a Saturday morning at gymnastics so doesn't really play with many toys which is why Father Christmas also brought some clothes as well as a couple of leotards and a new beam besides items on the list.
I will be honest, I could have got DD a few more things for Christmas but I would have been buying for the sake of buying. She's only 9 so didn't think a phone was a necessity this year and she's got a tablet for playing games on. Father Christmas presents came to about £500ish and I was happy with the pile she had but now wonder if I should have bought loads more so she had a bigger pile even though I know she wouldn't have played with a lot of what I could have bought or they would have been opened once like last year then never played with.
When her friends come round most make slime, draw/colour, watch TV/movies, gym friends practice gym and when it's nice they play on the trampoline, bars, swings or out on bikes, scooters etc so really don't know what would have bulked the pile up and currently can't think what to get for her birthday in March!
If I could have got more, should I have?
Do you buy for the sake of buying?
How do you explain how others have so much more when FC brings all the presents to our house and all the presents to friends house?

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/12/2019 10:25

I don’t compare against friends, I spend more than lots and not as much as others. I do try and make gifts fun treats so no clothes/essentials as they get those as and when needed.

What did she have that was just for fun as that’s what they compare with heir friends I’ve found rather than the spend amount.

BlueEyedPersephone · 27/12/2019 10:53

In our house fc only brings stocking and Xmas eve box, all presents are from family etc this way fc treats all the same by doing stocking

BlueEyedPersephone · 27/12/2019 10:54

By saying fc brings all presents you are causing the imbalance

QueenOfTheFae · 27/12/2019 10:54

Ffs, you spend what you want to spend, it doesn't matter what other people spend, you dont know their circumstances.

BusterGonad · 27/12/2019 11:00

You spend £500 and you don't think it's enough? My husband (I don't work) earns a pretty good wage and we certainly didn't spend anywhere near that amount. What has Christmas become? It saddens me so much about the amount of crap we are suppose to buy each year.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 27/12/2019 11:01

Good lord, £500.

greenlynx · 27/12/2019 11:03

I wouldn’t compete as it’s dangerous route there always be someone who’s got more. She’s happy with her presents so I wouldn’t buy for the sake of buying. I would concentrate on making her holidays exciting: trip to a cinema or to a place she loves, making cookies with her or nice walk together, basically doing whatever she loves to do.

Mrsjayy · 27/12/2019 11:03

There is always going to be friends who get more (or less) than yours, You were happy she was happy she hadloads of presents don't compare and don't try and keep up.

Original poster

feelinglikescrooge · 27/12/2019 11:04

Hi, I've never compared before but when DD came home saying best friend got this and this and this I started to feel I've got this whole Christmas thing wrong and that I should have got her more even though I know lots of daft little things ie squash things would have been chucked in the toy box after xmas day.
FC clothes are clothes DD specifically asked for and not ones we buy everyday so special tops etc.
Thanks re comment of fun that will help me focus on something different hopefully than pile size because slimes been opened and lots of fun playing with it, the same with her skateboard, punch bag, tattoo and jewellery kits and board games . The beam is also fun for DD.

OP posts:

OceanSunFish · 27/12/2019 11:06

£500 is loads! Try to stop comparing and worrying.

partysong · 27/12/2019 11:06

Problem is @BlueEyedPersephone - that approach doesn't always work either. DS is only 3 but (on xmas eve) asked why Santa brings lots and lots of presents for his friends and only books for him (he was obviously getting presents from us too!). There is no solution, I reckon xmas gift giving is getting seriously out of control

Happyspud · 27/12/2019 11:09

So somebody bought their 9 yr old a laptop, switch and phone. They’ll have to get her a car by 11 and a flat by 14.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 27/12/2019 11:14

Sounds like your DD got loads. 9 year olds don't need phones.

The friend may well be jealous of the gym equipment!

(If you want to compare... FC brought our 8yo DD... A board game, a book and a jumper. She's got Lego, HP stuff and craft etc plus more books from family)

Mrsjayy · 27/12/2019 11:16

If she mentions it again just be casual and say yes dd you were telling me hopefully she won't focus on what others have.

Original poster

feelinglikescrooge · 27/12/2019 11:18

I wish we had said years ago that Santa only brings stockings but sadly we didn't and now can't change it.
I know we all spend what we want to spend but I'm asking if I should have bought more for the sake of it. We are also similar financial circumstances to best friends family and I think that's why I'm wondering if I should have bought more silly one off items so there's more presents to open.
I didn't say £500 wasn't enough, I thought it was more than enough until DD came home saying what friend got. We also said this year no crap hence the smallish pile with a few bigger items.
Thanks all for making me feel a bit better that I didn't spend over a £1000 per child like her best friends parents and that I now don't have rubbish littering the house.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 27/12/2019 11:22

She didn't ask for a laptopphone or Switch though she got things off her list and i used to pad out presents with Tatt and it is just rubbish imo.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 27/12/2019 11:33

so your dd got everything she wanted and would actually use? then she got more than most and I'm sure was very happy. my dds are 11 and 7, my eldest had a phone on her birthday as she will be walking to school alone in a few months and her tablet had broken. I honestly don't see why a younger child would need one if they already have a tablet for games/photos.

in terms of Christmas I didn't add up what I spent but currently my dds are playing with some £1 figures I got them. there's no point spending a fortune on things they wouldn't use even if their peers have them. dd1 asked for a Nintendo switch we said no. she has had a DS since she was 5 and can't spend longer than an hr playing as she gets frustrated, has never completed a game in all this time.

do what's best for you and your dd and don't compare to others. also remember children sometimes brag and overexaggerate. Also that laptop and phone might have been an old one from a family member so were free and the switch could have been a family gift instead of the parents exchanging gifts.

Whiskers14 · 27/12/2019 12:07

Did your DD specifically come home saying she wished she got a laptop like her friend or are you just projecting your anxieties? My DD10's friend got a laptop but mine was nonplussed because she'd much rather have Lego still and thought the laptop was a silly present.

SparklyChristmasCandle · 27/12/2019 12:19

This ^

When I was a child my parents didn't have much money. We didn't get anything from extended family either apart from maybe a selection box or a pencil case. Rarely did I get the latest must have toy.

Christmas was still a magical time.

My children get way more than I ever did, but I try to get them things that they will actually use and enjoy. Rather than mountains of crap that will just be tossed aside or left gathering dust.

Magpiefeather · 27/12/2019 12:37

No of course you shouldn’t have bought more for the sake of it!!! Do you think piles and piles and piles of presents make a child happy in the long term? No. I bet your DDs friend gets bored of a lot of her stuff by February.

Also if you have gone with the fact that they’re all from Father Christmas and DD starts asking why she got less... well F.C. works in mysterious ways, he always knows what’s best for each child. Or you could change the rules, get F.C. to send a letter saying that as DD is getting older and he has SO many children around the world to deliver to, could her parents bring some presents too next year? He will still do the stocking of course!

Don’t feel guilty. £500 is an absolute fortune to most. More than I spent on entire Christmas - all presents, wrapping, cards, food and travel to see family. It came to about £400 I think. I’m pretty sure my DD still had a magical Christmas and I don’t wish I’d spent more.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Mummyshark2018 · 27/12/2019 13:23

There's nothing to stop you saying next year that FC and parents bring presents as you get older? The reason you've described is exactly the reason why my dc have always had a split between FC and us. Means that those that get more/less from FC alone do not feel better/ worse than their friends.

Original poster

feelinglikescrooge · 27/12/2019 13:29

Her best friend didn't ask for a phone or laptop, just the switch and a few others items.
Yes DD got what she wanted and few surprises that will be played with/worn.
DD did ask why her best friend got lots and lots.
My parents didn't have much money when I was growing up but not of my friends parents did so none of us had the latest toys.
Our children both got more than I ever did and tried to seriously cut the rubbish unopened/play with once things out this year.
Thank you all for replying and magpie I like your reply 're FC knows what is best for each child it will fit perfect with any other questions.
I now know I was right to cut the rubbish.

OP posts:

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 27/12/2019 13:38

DS 29 got a £20 Lego e-Gift card
DD 28 will get something if she lets me know where to send it to.
DD 12 got pyjamas, money and Robux
DS 8 got a creeper onesie, a Nerf Fortnite gun, a Fortnite battle bus and Robux

DuchessofWoke · 27/12/2019 13:42

We probably spent £100- £150 per child.

We are top 1% earners and could spend a lot more if we wanted. We don’t want to. Children don’t need expensive gifts. I don’t want to encourage greed or a dependency on tech. We try to think about the true meaning of Christmas. We have probably given more to charity than we’ve spent on gifts. I hate the greedy acquisition of toys and tat for the sake of it and try to buy carefully and ethically. I hate waste.

MillieMoodle · 27/12/2019 13:51

Definitely right to cut out the rubbish. When DS1 was an only one we went way overboard, then realised when we had DS2 we were going to have to cut down as we wouldn't be able to afford it. FC brings a few bits in our house, but not "big" presents.

This year DS1 (8yo) got from FC - slippers, a couple of action figures, some gel pens, a board game and a book. From us he got some HP Lego, a robot wars battle arena, a notebook, a couple of games, and a book. He and his 3yo brother got a switch and 3 games for it as a shared present. He has wanted a switch for a couple of years. DH and I didn't get each other anything, the budget went towards the switch. We spent about £500 on both DC together this year, including the switch. We would usually spend about £150 per child max.

DS1 had also wanted a phone but he's 8 so it has been made very clear to him that he will not be getting a phone until he's 11, just before he goes to secondary school.

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