Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Christmas finances or lack of

31 replies

Kingston88 · 15/12/2019 14:02

Hey all

It's that time of year again usually my favourite time. This year I don't have a job as I had to quit my job due to having hypremasis gravadium with this pregnancy.
I'm starting to feel better so been making lists etc presents etc. Now I have no income, we do qualify for universal credit but my partner earns too much so some months our entitlement is nothing. I'm not really sure how to do Xmas this year but I've been prepared and bought stuff through the year. Now I've always bought for my other halfs family presents because he dosnt seem interested and I don't want them to go without. Now im the first person to say that Christmas isn't about presents but I think it's rude to not get a somthing small for family, or even just a nice card etc.
Now I've shopped for all the kids on my side and his as they are the main ones, and I think christmas is about kids.
They haven't got alot but it dosnt matter as its the thought. I've written all the family cards and ordered some photos to add to the cards, my dad is re married and lives the opposite end of this country and other halfs mum lives abroad. Its come to the middle of the month and everything is almost done, except some stamps to post the cards, some cheap shortbread or wine and just some chocolate coins for the kids to bulk out their presents.

I'm skint and into my overdraft and then some.
I asked my other half for some money to get the extra bits I'm asking for about 30 quid max.
He said he hasn't got it, OK no worries he gets paid soon, plus Christmas bonus. So I'm talking like bringing home atleast 2500.
He said he hasn't really got much spare for Christmas presents even after his payday, and since I can't financially help he's finding it hard, he has atleast 700 disposable income on an average month.
Am I being a bitch? To expect him to help for a few things? I'm using my sons child benefit to pay for my car and phone as that's all the bills I have, he still expects me to buy the food shop!
In the past it's never been a problem as I see us as a team and (stupidly) used my wages to get it all.
We've been together 6 years, have a 4 year old and another on the way.
I feel guilty not doing it all for his family this year but I cant.
Then I looked back and he's never bought anything for my brother mum or step dad and they buy for him every year. I literally do it all.

Am I expecting too much of him? Is he taking the piss out of me? Why am I so pissed off he can't give me 30 quid to finalise everything. How can I be expected to pay for stuff when I can't work at the moment, I thought about getting a temporary Christmas job but at 4 months pregnant it's not going to happen.
I've maxed out my credit cards and can't get a loan due to being unemployed. And I'll say again Christmas isn't about presents atall, any advice would be great, thanks xxxxx

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 15/12/2019 14:13

Tell the family you are just buying for kids this year and tell DP he has to buy gifts for his family if he wants them to have something, it’s not your responsibility.

pelirocco123 · 15/12/2019 14:19

You are a partnership all income and bills should be shared; I really dont understand this his and hers shit
Failing that start billing him for his share of childcare etc

Todaythiscouldbe · 15/12/2019 14:20

If he has £700 disposable income per month how are you entitled to UC? That doesnt sound right. If he is on a salary where you are entitled to UC I can understand why he is finding it hard without a second income. Hower, his income should be your income, especially while you are unable to work during pregnancy.

RandomMess · 15/12/2019 14:21

It sounds like your finances aren't shared and your money is family money and his is for him...

You seem to have loads of debt whilst he carries on doing as he pleases money wise.

You have much bigger issues than his stinginess over £30!!!

You were protected in your in job as it was pregnancy related illness so it's a shame you left

Chottie · 15/12/2019 14:23

What an unkind, uncaring man.

He has shown you who he is, please believe him.......

roiseandjim · 15/12/2019 14:23

I thought about getting a temporary Christmas job but at 4 months pregnant it's not going to happen.

Why? You're 4 months pregnant surely you can work? It sounds like you need to have a big chat with your partner about finances

Partimers · 15/12/2019 14:31

Why did you have to quit your job? Could you not have just got signed off on sick leave until you felt better??....and yes your dh is being an asshole!!

Original poster

Kingston88 · 15/12/2019 15:14

I'm still applying for jobs but not every day I'm able to get sorted for a job, my sickness is much better than it was, only throwing up 3 or 4 times a day instead of over 10. I handed my notice in because the job was shit, 10 hours a week, an overly friendly creepy boss. I saw the pregnancy as a blessing in disguise and gave me the final push to leave. I had applied for a termtime job at a school but was unsuccessful. So I decided I'd find another job when I'm feeling better.
No I'm don't understand why our finances arnt shared, I have spoke to him about it but he just listens but says nothing, every time I bring it up, he dosnt reply
His income is usually 1500 monthly and after bills etc he is left with 700, it's not a joint bank so I can't see what's going on. I told him I'm not doing it anymore xx

OP posts:

UtuNorantiPralatongsThirdEye · 15/12/2019 15:19

He's taking you for a mug.

Partimers · 15/12/2019 15:22

His income is usually 1500 monthly and after bills etc he is left with 700

With all due respect OP with stats like that I would be worried about money if I were him!! I can see why he doesn’t want to spend!! I wouldn’t be buying gifts for any adults, just children this year! Your family should understand!

Todaythiscouldbe · 15/12/2019 15:26

£1500 a month is not a large wage at all. Your rent/mortgage must be very low if he's left with £700 after bills (or is that before food/petrol etc?)
With that level of household income I wouldn't be buying for any adults at all, a d probably just token gifts for the children. I can see why he's reluctant to give you money.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 15/12/2019 16:11

is the £700 he has left got to cover his phone, car or travel expenses. £800 to cover rent/mortgage, water, council tax, electric, gas, broadband, tv/subscription services, credit card repayments plus annual costs such as insurance doesn't seem like enough??

and I think yes he should be covering some of the costs of Christmas but you should have asked him earlier not sprung it on him with less 2 weeks to go.

Purpletigers · 15/12/2019 16:16

You should have signed off sick . HG is horrendous .
Moving forward you both need to sit down and discuss finances. Next year I would scrap buying presents for adults and only token gifts for children . They get so much they probably won’t even notice .
No advice for this year I’m afraid other than to speak to him .

Babyg1995 · 15/12/2019 16:20

It's a shame you left your job I'm in the same boat severe sickness but have been covered by sicklines as I would have no income if I didn't go back after maternity leave .my dp earns too much for us to qualify for tax credits or anything and he earns a lot more than me so he has been contributing alot towards Christmas think you need to have a serious talk with him .

Original poster

Kingston88 · 15/12/2019 16:29

He's aware that I needed his help when it came to Xmas. I told him this in October. Like I said the past years it's not been a problem, he dosnt have a car, phone is top up. Doesn't or hadn't paid for food shop, my mum has been helping us. Yeh next year will be kids only

OP posts:

lovemenorca · 15/12/2019 16:33

* some cheap shortbread or wine and just some chocolate coins for the kids to bulk out their presents. *

Just buying for the sake of buying. Cheap shortbread? Don’t bother
Bulking out presents? Why? The kids will have loads of chocolate

You’re not flush. So rather than piss money up the wall, save where you can. You’re having a baby.

lovemenorca · 15/12/2019 16:37

And if he’s never bought his family anything
You can’t get pissed off if he doesn’t buy for the family

As long as he doesn’t ask you to do all this, then it would seem he’s not bothered about it and never has been. Fair enough

AdaColeman · 15/12/2019 16:41

He is taking you for a mug if you are funding Christmas for him and his family while he contributes nothing. Do you live together? Does he pay towards all bills and living expenses?

Original poster

Kingston88 · 15/12/2019 16:45

Yes we live together have been together 6 years he's covers some things but not everything x

OP posts:

Wildorchidz · 15/12/2019 16:47

So your mother is buying food for your family and your partner had hundreds to spare each month ??

Original poster

Kingston88 · 15/12/2019 16:49

Just the once, he said he didn't have any money for food so my mum bailed us out, I don't actually know what his bank status was as I don't have access to it x

OP posts:

RandomMess · 15/12/2019 16:55

I don't understand why you have debt, your Mum is paying for your food and you haven't had a proper discussion about finances. How on Earth are you going to pay this debt off if you don't work as a team and you bother cut back and budget

Original poster

Kingston88 · 15/12/2019 16:57

So what can I do? Its not like I'm ignoring the problem, I've spoke to him twice with no good outcome, what actually can I do besides getting a job

OP posts:

countdowntochristmas · 15/12/2019 17:03

When you first started the post I assumed you hadn't been with your partner long then you say you have a dc with another on the way .
I may be old fashioned but I think when you start a family with someone you look after each other financially too it's not his money it's joint income money and vice versa. He shares the money to pay for everything not keep for himself. his partner and child need to eat pay for Christmas. What a miserable tight sod why are you having children with this man ?

RandomMess · 15/12/2019 17:11

So if you don't buy food what actually happens? Do you all go without or does he buy food for himself?

Flip

1 2