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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Gifts for DF to give to DM, no judging please...

182 replies

Courtney555 · 08/12/2019 06:41

Each year, DF has no clue (or time) to get DMs Christmas presents.

Standard procedure is that I'll investigate what she'd like on his behalf, and let him know. I then tend to go out and get it, and he reimburses me, more so he doesn't accidentally get the wrong thing (DM is very particular at times).

This year, I'm heavily pregnant with twins, and DM is keeping quiet...she says I should be relaxing, and she's interested to see what he gets her without my assistance. I understand where she's coming from, but I can answer that pretty easily... she'll get nothing. Not because DF is an arse, but because he honestly won't know where to start.

So. Given that she's not revealing anything, what would some lovely gifts be, that would look really thoughtful, or really well picked? Budget £300-400, 2 or 3 items.

Previous years have included:

Fairfax and Favour boots and handbag.
Jimmy Choo handbag (I think he was in the doghouse that year Xmas Grin )
Bread maker and Bread making course
Jewellery set
Perfume
Fitflop slippers
Ted Baker PJ's and dressing gown

She's early 60s. Very glam. Likes: Cooking. Skiing. Makeup (but this can be tricky, she's allergic to lots). Her two dogs. Country life.

Would not appreciate: Candles. Meal out/experience day. Undies or more nightwear.

Please no "useless DF" bashing. Thank you in advance!...

OP posts:
katy1213 · 08/12/2019 13:30

Bloom & Wild flowers delivered through the year. I'd be thrilled!
A subscription to Slightly Foxed or Persephone Books.
A sour-dough course.

whitebowls · 08/12/2019 13:36

Large diptyque candle. They are doing a new gold one this Christmas. It's £400+ or the standard large ones are around £200.
Tiffany key on a long chain.
Tiffany T bangle.
Aspinal - something monogrammed like a Jewelry box maybe.
One hundred stars jacket.
Cashmere oversized cardigan.
A beautiful crystal to hang in the window.
Sounds like a lovely luxury item would tick your DM's boxes. Your DM is my age and sounds a similar lifestyle.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 08/12/2019 13:37

I feel quite sorry for your Mum - it doesn’t sound like she’s at all fussed about expensive presents or weekends away, instead wishing her husband would put in the legwork and choose out a gift that shows he knows something about her for himself.

The fact that you know he won’t do this and will step in to do it for him even though she has explicitly asked you not to feels quite disrespectful and shows how well trained he has you. I’m not sure you’d feel the same way if it was your own DH who was so shit at putting the effort in to showing that he cares.

Missushb · 08/12/2019 13:46

Sounds to me like she needs a Christmas volunteering at a homeless shelter - disclaimer, I only read the first page but she sounds very indulged and very picky.

Agreed. What a palaver.

titchy · 08/12/2019 14:04

So are you going to leave him to sort it? I suggested giving him half a dozen options - seriously do that. But do not capitulate. She'll know.

The fact that he not only makes you choose the specific gift, but also buy and I assume wrap it, speaks volumes. He can't even be arsed to order it online. Your mothers wish is that this year, her dh would just make an effort for her. Just once, put himself out. Spend some time and effort on her. Rather than throw money at the perceived problem.

newdeer · 08/12/2019 14:07

How about a cashmere set of a sweater, gloves and scarf and a bottle of her favourite perfume?

John Lewis have some gorgeous cashmere for around £1-200 and you can buy it online. He just needs to choose a colour she already wears a lot.

PotteringAlong · 08/12/2019 14:11

Travelwrap? You can get them monogrammed

www.thetravelwrapcompany.com/

DeRigueurMortis · 08/12/2019 14:29

If she likes makeup and is glam (but makeup itself it tricky) then what about some high quality make up brushes?

My brushes cost a fortune but they are brilliant and look lovely.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 08/12/2019 14:40

I think people are being really mean to the father here. Mother is clearly very picky and easily dissatisfied. Obviously the daughter knows more about mother's tastes, because she's more likely to know about style/beauty stuff etc. Father sounds as if he wants to get it 'right' but knows how hard it is TO get it right.

And the idea of spending £200 to £400 pound on a candle, frankly, makes me feel sick. Obscene.

OP - is there a local business that your father might be able to support? Maybe that makes lovely jumpers/scarves/gloves/house stuff? Or some nice coats for the dogs?

titchy · 08/12/2019 14:46

Father sounds as if he wants to get it 'right' but knows how hard it is TO get it right.

You see if he asked his dd for suggestions, then went out shopping and chose one of the suggestions I'd agree. I think it's the fact that he gets her to buy it that suggests actually he can't really be arsed. I'm sure it's not really a comment on how much he loves his dw, more that he regards such things as 'woman-work', but even knowing how much his wife wants him to do this himself, his feelings still come first.

orangeteal · 08/12/2019 14:50

Will she get upset if she thinks DH has done it off his own back and then find out it was you again?

Original poster
Courtney555 · 08/12/2019 16:40

Well yes, you asked for no judgement, but then your mum asked you not to buy a gift for her from your dad

That's right. Gift suggestions. As per most posters.

Interfering in their marriage

I think you risk an even bigger argument if she finds out.

Christ on a bike Xmas Grin Of course she'll know I've had an input. She won't care, she'll think he's had some input too though. Everyone else seems to have got that. If you can't see the bigger picture, perhaps time to step away from the thread and stop clogging it up with irrelevance dear...

I think (depending on separate prices)....

Fur lined snow boots/wellies
Dog walking coat
Cashmere scarf

If anyone can come up with brands/stockists of functional but glam stuff where you can buy the above? Online ideally as I've got a real waddle on with the babies Xmas Blush

OP posts:
MrsFruitcake · 08/12/2019 16:44

I second Dubarry boots. Expensive but will last well and were on my wish list for ages.

Bodear · 08/12/2019 16:48

@Courtney555 you’re being a bit rude to some posters. You posted in a public forum which means you’re opening yourself up to public comment. You can’t really expect to dictate the rules of the conversation.
Of course you’re free to respond to people how you like but it doesn’t seem very nice to be so condescending as “stop clogging it up with irrelevance dear”.

Episcomama · 08/12/2019 16:49

She sounds a pita tbh.. I completely agree. With every update she sounds worse. I wouldn't get her anything.

Original poster
Courtney555 · 08/12/2019 16:57

@Bodear

Thing is. You can predict the kind of posters that jump on these threads.

Hence me putting a "please don't bother preaching/wasting my time on this thread" in the title. And again in the OP. Because it's so dull and predictable.

But of course they come. They can't help it. With their pointless assumptions. And block the thread.

It's that hard to just put "wellies" evidently... Xmas Grin

Disclaimer:
Does not apply to most who are able to just be helpful, and answer a question Xmas Smile think it's now narrowed down to those three items.

OP posts:
CatteStreet · 08/12/2019 16:58

She sounds indulged, your father sounds pretty selfish and idle (in this respect at least), and you've just been very rude to someone who quite frankly doesn't have to post on your thread.

What was that about apples and trees? Hmm

CatteStreet · 08/12/2019 17:01

X-post.

And you seem to think that when you start a conversation (and are asking for help (!) from people) you get to dictate its terms. Did you really think people weren't going to point out the (albeit mildish) dysfunctionality of the situation?

Newschapter · 08/12/2019 17:05

@bumblingbovine49 - it's not her dh asking for suggestions for her MIL.

It's her dad asking for suggestions for her mum.

@Courtney555 you've had some great suggestions here. Good luck with the babies Crown Smile

Bodear · 08/12/2019 17:09

@Courtney555
You’re being really rude to people.
If it’s so predictable that boring people will block your thread then maybe don’t post. Alternatively if you’ve weighed it up and decided that it’s still worth posting then you could choose to ignore the responses you don’t want. It would be a more graceful way to deal with this kind of situation.

Herocomplex · 08/12/2019 17:13

How about a silver photo frame for future photo of her new grandchildren?

PeriComoToes · 08/12/2019 17:23

Sounds like she doesn't 'need' anything. Perhaps what she really wants is a personal gift that only her and your DF would understand e.g. a DVD of a film they both went to see in the early days of their relationship

Thegoodandbadlife · 08/12/2019 17:23

Going on the cashmere scarf line - what about a Burberry one - the classic cashmere one can he personalised this year too!

Veronicat · 08/12/2019 17:41

www.turtle-doves.co.uk for lovely cashmere scarves, neck warmers, gloves and wrist warmers.

Greenglassteacup · 08/12/2019 18:03

You both sound like spoilt rich fuckers to be honest