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Original poster

Was i being mean??

48 replies

Hairwizard · 06/12/2019 14:16

So i told the rellies no clothes for dc this year as ive bought all their winterwear. I instead gave suggestions for some items they need instead and to buy between them (not cos expensive but cos i dont want a pile of crap in the house).
Sil has this thing of buying clothes in advance in diff ages and stashing away for christmas/birthdays. Ive decided enoughs enough. They end up with huge bags of clothes given to them, half doesnt get used and tbh i would like to buy my own dc their clothes.
We had a text exchange other day about it in which i told her clearly, that id told everyone no clothes, one outfit each is more than enough and not to give anymore than that as it will be wasted. (If my request goes ignored this year i plan on donating any excess as there are families who need it more.)
Dc will get more than enough as it is between us and rest of family.
Ive never mustered the balls to tell her this before as didnt want to upset anyone but am seriously fucking over that shit now. Esp as it dawned on me that if roles were reversed she wouldnt accept it all either.
Did feel a bit mean after texting, was i??

OP posts:
GingleJangleScarecrow · 06/12/2019 14:29

id told everyone no clothes, one outfit each is more than enough and not to give anymore than that

Well I don't really get that. Is it no clothes or is it one outfit?

Original poster
Hairwizard · 06/12/2019 14:33

She replied saying 'you know i buy in advance, years in advance' etc and that its too late to take things back and that they might aswell hsve them. So i replied to say one outfit will be more than enough.

OP posts:
Bellecurves · 06/12/2019 14:37

You can suggest but at the end of the day, it is entirely up to people what they give you. Accept with good grace and thanks and donate what you don't want.

GingleJangleScarecrow · 06/12/2019 14:44

@Hairwizard thanks for the clarification..
No, you aren't being mean at all.

TheRightHonerable · 06/12/2019 14:55

Buying in advance is the reality for most cost conscious families. Prices on toys and gift like items tend to be much higher Nov/dec.

I’m happy to take requests as long as they’re made before Nov - but ‘requests’ made after that will simply be ignored 👍🏻 It’s nothing or it’s what I’ve bought you- your choice.

(Unless it’s a real reason like allergies or medical reasons).

If I did our Christmas shopping in Dec I’d easily spend £200+ more. It’s only festive chocolates...etc which I purchase in December. Years ahead is maybe a bit extreme though.

Original poster
Hairwizard · 06/12/2019 14:59

She buys a whole wardrobe/seasons worth of stuff for each of them. I havent the space for it all. We would never have got all that from an aunt. One outfit or pj set. Quite sufficient.

OP posts:
TheRightHonerable · 06/12/2019 15:04

@Hairwizard

Ok- that’s weird and OTT
I have an aunt like that though- last year she made ghastly hampers, ridiculous amount of cellophane and packaging and full of cheap nasty toiletries, tacky perfume, crap candles...etc. It’s honestly depressing as she probably spends £20+ per one and they’re just awful. DH has bad eczema and we’ve told her he can’t use the toiletries...etc but she still does it as she cares more about her enjoyment of putting the gift together than what we want 👍🏻

LoonyLunaLoo · 06/12/2019 15:08

TBH I’d have accepted the clothes and been relieved that I don’t have to buy them myself 😂

Original poster
Hairwizard · 06/12/2019 15:11

Yea its not like its just few bits and bobs. Am talking huge big sack of stuff. I havent been able to buy them clothes at christmas/birthdays cos too much. This year i decided no. Not happening.

OP posts:
Tils1066 · 06/12/2019 15:26

I think you may have been a little mean. I love choosing clothes for my nieces and nephews. They are worn and then either donated to friends or charity. If the child never wears it, I will never know. I don’t see their outfit every day. I also buy in advance as I’m excited to see them grow up. You are still choosing the majority of their clothes and whilst they are young they rely on you to dress them Smile

lisag1969 · 06/12/2019 15:30

If she insists on giving them. Take them and donate to hospital or the children's charities. I can't remember the name but parents can go there and get anything they need for their children.

Original poster
Hairwizard · 06/12/2019 15:32

Yea thats the plan. The amount of stuff ive donated still with labels on is rjdiculous.

OP posts:
Lara53 · 06/12/2019 15:50

Bung it on ebay Then use £ to get what you like

HappyDinosaur · 06/12/2019 16:00

I doubt think you are being mean, just rude. Accept the gifts with a good grace, then donate or sell items you don't want. Demanding only a very specific present is also rude, you can request of course, but don't get snarky if that doesn't work for the gift giver. They don't have to give anything at all remember!

SatsukiKusakabe · 06/12/2019 16:17

I completely see your point of view here and understand that it can very stressful to be given huge amounts you don’t need - but - maybe this is a bit close to Christmas to say it. I perhaps would have said something in the new year with a reminder a bit before but it is quite close.

However it seems like it might not have made much difference either way, people seem to want to do what they want to do and perhaps less stressful to just accept them politely but redistribute how you see fit.

Original poster
Hairwizard · 06/12/2019 17:16

I didnt demand items, gave suggestions for smaller bits and bobs they need . I have 4dc, incl twin boys who are only 5mths old. They dont need much.
I had akready mentioned back in october wgen it came up in convo.

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 06/12/2019 17:18

I think when someone gives you a present you just say 'thank you', if you don't want/need it donate it.

Lovemusic33 · 06/12/2019 20:09

I think people like buying clothes for little people, especially if they don’t have kids or their kids have grown up. I miss buying kids clothes but I don’t buy for my niece and nephew as my SIL is a bit picky on what they wear. I do see your point but maybe just suggest that she cuts back a bit and doesn’t buy a full wardrobe?

NatureGal · 06/12/2019 21:51

Not mean at all. My mother does similar, asks what they want, gets given ideas and I clearly state not too much one or two. Every year it gets ignored and we end up with upset children still opening presents at bedtime and a house full of crap. I have stated this year we are trying to be more environmentally conscious and any excess will be left in the car. I suspect it will end with a row and me looking like the Grinch.

didireallysaythat · 06/12/2019 23:01

Accept the gift and then donate it. Eventually you can ask them to stop gifts (we stop when the kids reach double figures) or if they still need to give something Amazon works ?

CheekyFucker · 07/12/2019 12:09

I think that is very rude of you. I would very much appreciate anything for my children, and accept if gracefully as that is the polite thing to do. If something was really ugly or inappropriate I would pass it on.

I would love to not have to buy my children clothes. Actually it is rare for them to have new clothes as I buy from charity shops.

I really feel for the aunt. I would be really upset.

CopperPottery · 07/12/2019 16:53

not at all rude. Rude is buying stupid amounts of stuff when you've asked her not to.

Barbararara · 07/12/2019 20:54

I’m not clear what you hoped to gain by the conversation.
If you accepted her gift with good grace and donate/eBay what you don’t want vs try and stop her giving the clothes to you, surely it ends up the same. Except one way you have good relationships and the other way you’ve been rude and offensive. And a little bit grabby to boot because effectively you are telling her to buy something she hasn’t budgeted for and quite possibly can’t afford at what is a very financially strained time for many people.

user137473 · 07/12/2019 21:08

I think you have been really rude. It is way too late to lay down this gift guidance now or even October when you know she buys all year round. She has obviously taken great pleasure in buying for her nephews and is probably really hurt to find out last minute you don't like it. Yes, it does sound excessive but this didn't happen over night.

NaomiFromMilkShake · 07/12/2019 21:19

Yes you were.