DS changed his list after we've finished!

[theatrenerd31]

Writing ds's list tonight with him to send to Royal Mail and he's added a new Lego set to the top of his list. A £50 Lego set to be exact, so not a cheap toy.

We're already wrapped and ready, all gifts are done so that we can spend December on experiences (and the money on food!)

We could stretch to get it, but it would be stretching, and ds's been told that he isn't guaranteed everything on his list and it's late to add toys on as the elves will now be wrapping things!

We had it last year too with something he announced on Christmas Eve. He didn't get it and has talked about it all year (so it's on this year's list). I'm wary about ending up with something else to be talked at about all year!

I'm tempted to get him a voucher for the Lego store for £10-20 and leave a note saying he didn't have time but has sent a contribution towards it.

Is this a bit naff? What would others do? I'd be less wobbly about it were it not too if his list and the thing he's announced that he wants more than any other 🤦🏼‍♀️

Children don’t get everything they ask for. Simple. What’s the problem?

And we wonder why so many kids are spoilt.

We call it a wish list (one of ours also has ASD) and so he asks for Lego instead of specific one. We tell him Santa’s Elves do their best and what they can’t manage, we parents buy. Sometimes we put it under the tree and if we can’t afford it, we save up for their birthdays. Unless by then they want something else more.

Well then it sounds like a case of managing his expectations. Can you “big up” the other two items over the next while, sort of steering him towards those being his most wanted?

I know you say he’d already written his list a number of times but of course in his head the one being posted is the one that counts . I’m sure he’ll be delighted with what you have for him anyway.

His birthday's November which is why I'm debating a gift card towards it, I'm sure he'll have money off some family members to go towards it too but I'm a bit wary of it not being from Father Christmas at all.

He's saved money over the last year and wouldn't buy the set that he wanted last year because he'd asked for it as a Christmas present. I'm not sure if it's an ASD thing but he's so set in his ideas that unless we connect it to Father Christmas somehow it's likely to just be fixated on all year until next Christmas when he can ask again. Even if he saves enough in the meantime.

He's far from spoilt, if he were I'd just have made it happen instead of making sure I'm not just being a Scrooge by not doing so and looking for an alternative instead!

Ideas on reducing the expectation are welcome, he has such a black and white view of the world and I don't want his memory of this year to be the toy that he didn't get and then spent a year waiting for if I can avoid it, but I'd really rather not add another toy now!

For next year ...

Santa needs finalised lists by Dec 1st (or alternative arbitrary date) to manage the elves workloads. Them’s the rules.

In the meantime, I’d do the gift card

so that he could post it and get a response

Brilliant! There you go, then.

Dear X, thank you for your fantastic letter - beautiful handwriting! This year, Father Christmas will be personally choosing 2 things for every child from their top 3 wishes. I wonder what you’ll get this year? All the elves are fascinated to see what he’ll pick out for each child - we can’t wait!
Yours excitedly,
Chief Elf.

@NoSquirrels

This!!! Sorted .

I'm not sure how to tag people on the app! But it's the Royal Mail scheme, you post it and get a free response in the post. He's really excited about putting it in the letterbox! I'm tempted to run to B&M tomorrow for another kit so that it looks the same so he can post an envelope with no return address inside, so that he doesn't know it's different? I'm pretty sure it's a generic letter they get back, I could alternatively have a note appear with the elf (who's brought letters before) explaining that production cut off on 1st December when the elves were dispatched to homes?

In short, I'm an idiot and won't be doing this again next year! But genuinely appreciate the responses from those offering suggestions, it's helping me work a solution out without spending extra money on yet more Lego!

He's 7 for those who asked, he has ASD and physical disabilities - his logic doesn't quite work in the same way as other 7 year olds!

I don't want his memory of this year to be the toy that he didn't get and then spent a year waiting for if I can avoid it, but I'd really rather not add another toy now!

It’s one or the other though isn’t it, if the other suggestions aren’t workable? I mean I’m not saying that will be his memory of this year but you know him and you seem to think it will be . As I said earlier I’d buy him the extra gift on this occasion and then aim to manage the whole thing a bit better next year. I know plenty will disagree but I don’t really see Christmas day as a “life lesson” opportunity. Fair enough, next year stick to a cut off date and tell him to limit his list to X number (helps focus the mind I find plus while they angst over what to put down you get lots of ideas!).

Cripes, you can’t win really can you.
If tou leave shopping til the last minute tou end up spending more.
If you do it in advance you end up with the wrong things.

The only way forward is to foster low expectations every year.

In this case, I'd get him the Lego. Is there anything you've bought already that can be put by for next year or his birthday?

I always told my children that Father Christmas only had a certain number of toys to give out, and he might not have enough of certain toys by the time he got round to their presents. Very useful when it came to whatever that years must have toys were. I don't think they really thought about what they hadn't received when it actually came to it.

I like the idea of him having run out of this specific set! He might understand that more easily because he's seen shops run out of items before! OH's agreed to a gift voucher if it's the only way to limit potential upset, but that reasoning would likely make more sense to him than it being too late (otherwise why does the elf come on 1st December, and why do they have to behave in December if it's all already sorted, why does he always ask what you want when you see him at grottos if he's already finished things, etc..?) even if we do end up deciding that we need to give a voucher alongside it!

I think if you're at all worried about the Father Christmas element, the gift voucher is the worst of all worlds, tbh.

Father Christmas is magical. He can or he can't. He doesn't give gift vouchers!

Parents could give gift vouchers, though.

@theatrenerd31 amazon have a really good sale on Lego right now - we’ve bought our DS his Christmas list Lego from them recently. I agree with @nosquirrels in that gift vouchers don’t come from Santa - they’re not something a kid would ask for

Ok this definitely isn’t the typical response on mumsnet, but I would just get it for him. I would definitely avoid shopping until the list is locked down next year though.

• You made the mistake asking him to redo his letter really.
• He only asked for 3 things which isn’t a ridiculous number.
• He’s 7 and he still believes in Father Christmas, you might not have many more magical Christmases left.
• You can afford it.

Happens every year in our house. I actually think mine do it on purpose to get more presents. I always fall for it ...

Oh god we had this in the past.
In fact I've stopped buying early dc main gifts for this reason.
I might buy this new gift and save some other things until the next gifting time, maybe birthday?

He'll be so excited on Christmas morning that he won't remember his exact list, I wouldn't worry about it!

If you said what the Lego set was mumsnet might be able to help you find it cheaper?

Buy it from somewhere in cash it can be returned and hold it back, if the day seems to take a nosedive bring out the gift that must have fallen off his sleigh in the garden. If it doesn’t, return after Boxing Day, cash back, no harm no foul.

I’d just buy it but simply because is all this stress and worrying your doing worth it? I know some would think it’s spoilt but there are other aspects to consider here

Don’t stretch yourself. He already has lovely presents. One year my daughters asked for Hatchimals. They were bloody sold out everywhere. I just explained the elves had been in contact and they’d run out but they’d send one next year if they wanted. They were fine with that.

It really isn’t a disaster and Christmas isn’t ruined.

They don't get everything in their list, it does them good not to

Maybe buy him it and hold back some of his other gifts for next year? Or save them to gift to a young friend or relative at Christmas or birthday? Then next year only buy once the list is final.

He doesn't get carried away in the excitement enough to forget his list normally unfortunately!

It's the AT-ST Raider Lego set. Cheapest I can get it to is £45.

He's already got the great hall and the T. Rex transport sets this year (the other 2 on his list!) so it's an awful lot of Lego to add in, I got them during smyths sale to reduce the cost! His birthday's November so holding one back would mean keeping it for 11 months. He's deliberately got less than previous years as he's liable to overload and now has a younger sibling too so we've reduced the amount of gifts drastically.

He had an older AT-ST set last year but it's now broken up in his lego collection. It's one of the only types of toy he plays with so we're drowning in the bloody stuff.

I'm thinking note in a few days with the elf to remove the expectation so that he doesn't have time to fixate on it too heavily? But wait long enough for his letter to be received! Leave the gift card and if he seems particularly upset by it then we can add it to the gifts from parents instead? I hadn't even thought about it not being something he gifts typically, but ds is very likely to come out with something similar!

Oh's vehemently against buying it, and being honest I can see his point. Money's quite tight atm so as much as we could manage it it would be a tight squeeze and he already has ridiculous amounts of Lego.

Can you return one of the other Lego sets in an exchange if his top one is this? If money’s tight then I agree he can’t have it all. It’s good for kids not to have everything they want. If he wants it enough he can put it on the list for next year.