Absolutely no ideas - DS 19...

[WaxOnFeckOff]

I have DSs 18 and 19. DS18, gave me a couple of ideas and I've also been able to pick him up some stuff he needs/would like/some surprises.

DS19 - not a clue :( He doesn't know, he has no opinions on anything, he is quite down mentally and the inability to make decisions etc is part of it. He doesn't go out apart from to uni, is very clever, likes tech stuff but really has everything that he needs/wants. Money is no use really as he has plenty and doesn't spend it. Despite everything, he would be a bit upset to not have things to open at christmas. Not interested in clothes or sports, doesn't play an instrument, really has no hobbies. He goes to the gym as part of an effort to help with his MH but has t'shirts/shorts/trainers and to be fair, he doesn't really enjoy it, just accepts that he needs to go.

I can get him some sweets/chocolate and some beers but otherwise not a clue. No specific budget (usually spend about £500 in total but open to anything really).

Help! Please!!

Just had a thought about Origami - I think he might like that, but then I thought he'd like the 3d pen I bought and he hasn't touched that, or the metal art building set.

Wax, I do try with DS2 but he undermines my efforts, partly due to not caring, partly due to being colourblind on top of everything else!
If he was formerly into art and is a Compsci boffin would a subscription to a Niche 3D modelling programme be of interest. DH is experimenting with one where you sculpt in real space while wearing a virtual reality headset! ( Work related).
I haven't started shopping yet, if I come across anything good I'll pass it on, also have DS1s inconveniently close to Xmas birthday coming up...

I'm getting ds2 who's the same age, a decent dart board. I encouraged forced him to join a local darts and dominoes team and he's flourished. He's ruined his dart board so am getting a new better one.

Good luck

I nearly suggested a 3D pen...
There are some good books on modular origami, quite mathsy, I'm interested myself, but I need fewer things to distract me rather than more...

thanks all, I hope we all get sorted.

Such a shame when you have a birthday to deal with as well wiggly at least mine are in the summer. Appreciate the sharing of any good finds, i'll do the same if I find inspiration!

One thing i bought last year which I know he has used but not sure if he's used it for the actual features I bought it for, was a smart notebook. He certainly has it in his bag for Uni.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01GTYVEHI/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?th=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

It's so tricky for lads like that.
Mine have recently liked a raspberry pi, I think to use as an add on to computers they have built, a decent microphone to use on discord, and new versions of clothes they already like ( another black shirt). Mine are not interested in grooming products or accessories or anything obvious to put in a stocking, but have come to anticipate a good supply of underwear and leather gloves. They'd also like speaker or headphone upgrades.

I say ' they' , I'm not being gender neutral, I have 3 of them!

I also have three of them, a little older but equally difficult to buy for. There are some good ideas here so I'm shamelessly place marking for more

What would you use the lock picking kit on? Your own locks? don't want him ending up arrested!

It's for fun and to understand how locks work. I know 3 people who have these kits and none has tried to use them for anything dodgy - but all got a buzz from learning how to do it. They come with practice locks and I gave them a padlock and old yale lock to practice on. It turned out that the house lock was much harder than the practice lock in the kit and they haven't cracked it yet. Nor could they break into the shed for me when I lost the padlock key. However, they have been able to help pinpoint the problem when a lock has been faulty!

My 19 yo DS sounds similar, into gaming had all the kit, switch, PlayStation etc, not into drinking or bothered too much about clothes (“I have a pair of trainers. Why do I need another pair?”). He’s in to anime and is saving to go to Japan when he finishes at uni (also doing a computing degree) so I was thinking of a simple Japanese phrase book. I’ve stolen the ideas for the Insomnia festival and quite like the look of the smart notebook too.

3d printer?

What about an Alexa and some Alexa lightbulbs? If he likes tech. Can listen to whatever he likes on it. Turn his lights on and off whilst he's in bed, set reminders and alarms for uni stuff.
I've got my 22 year old DP a wallet, and one of those 'tiles' you put on your keys to find them from your phone, and a new phone case.
Or one of those 'sad' lamps to help with his depression.
Seeing as your budget is quite large some things for self care, women are slightly easier with nice bath stuff and hair stuff but men like these things too and it might make him feel a bit more put together, nice underwear, new socks etc.

I’d not heard of a smart notebook or Switch so I am stealing those ideas for my similarly hard to buy for 18 year old. Though I have managed to buy him some small things already - toiletries, slipper socks, PJs. He is not really into clothes but could probably do with some extra as he only does his laundry at uni once a week

I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with this! My nephew is 18 and we have similar problems buying him gifts.

His sister is a couple of years older and so much easier to buy for which almost makes it harder- he is emotionally quite fragile and we don't want to make him feel less valued than his sister because we've been unable to give him a thoughtful gift.

We also worry about any reference to him not having many interests or being particularly enthusiastic about anything- want him to feel comfortable being himself.

Makes gift buying so tricky!

A retro style Casio watch.

Thank you all for the further suggestions, a lot of which I've used in previous years which is why I'm particularly struggling now. Hoping that those help it others. I've added a sad lamp and the lock kit to the list. Other things I've bought in the past that haven't been mentioned that might be of help to others:

Headphone holder
Power cube
Power bank charger
Posters
Gaming mousemat
Nanocube type Lego
memory sticks
Cosy bed throws, definitely not just for girls!
Lights to fit inside pc case or for behind screen.

• Magazine subscription for men's health or similar magazine
• personalised gym towel
• Chillys water bottle
• reusable coffee cup
• Garmin watch
• driving lessons
• Waterston voucher

What about a personal trainer - either one sympathetic to MH issues or an online thing like Joe Wickes which has a community?

The Rangan Chaterjee books are fantastic and user friendly. My husband also enjoyed a ‘6 minutes a day’ journal when he was a bit down.

I was going to suggest Lego, but see you have bought it before.

Would any of these scratch off posters appeal to him? There are different movie ones, travel and exercise.

Would he like fidget toys? These <a class="break-all" href="https://m.ebay.co.uk/itm/Singing-Rattler-Rattlesnake-Strong-Magnets-Stress-Reliever-/180733664678?ul_ref=rover.ebay.com/rover/1/710-53481-19255-0/1?ff3=2&pub=5575376664&toolid=10001&campid=5338268676&customid=EAIaIQobChMIrtLcvZKT5gIVGeDtCh2jaAHDEAQYBiABEgLzR_D_BwE&lgeo=1&item=180733664678&srcrot=710-53481-19255-0&rvr_id=2203182740705&rvr_ts=bec2d8f216e0a99b25a57347ffdfa3eb&_mwBanner=1&_rdt=1&ul_noapp=true&pageci=0b5045e7-8b9d-4124-aea4-5fe4bafd1d75&epid=22027211156" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">singing magnets are weirdly compelling, or this moonball might be fun.

Has anyone mentioned a grid it yet? I know it’s almost a mumsnet trope but it was a big hit with my hard-to-buy-for males.

I love these towels from decathlon for sports because they fold away to almost nothing.

If he has a sweet tooth this book about mug cakes might be nice along with a mug and a few bits like chocolate chips/fudge/honeycomb/sprinkles. You could make up a little hamper to make it more substantial.

Or, if you google you can find a wide array of weird and wonderful bacon flavoured products.

This is a particularly lovely looking lock pick set if you decide to go with that

In terms of self care, I agree with a pp that’s it’s important for men, but can be a touch trickier. A weighted blanket can be very comforting and soothing. Gillette have a heated razor set (links on the referral thread). Or a heated jacket might be nice for coming and going to college.

I hope you find something suitable - in the meantime it’s a very useful thread for ideas all the other hard to buy for men.

Sorry for the late reply, i was away overnight. We have tried some of the above - magazine etc, or he already has them or done them - he has his driving licence, has bottle and coffee cup, book on mugcakes, grid it (which he hasn't opened).

I offered a personal trainer as part of trying to help with his MH issues when Dr suggested the gym and i've kept it in reserve but DH is very keen on fitness himself and has produced him a plan and is working with him and he does seem to be engaging a bit more, but I couldn't now give this for Christmas as I'd already offered to pay for it anyway.

I'm off to look at some of the other ideas/links. I'd thought of a scratch off poster before but not really sure which as he doesn't have a particular hobby.

He seems to be fine with the idea of a Switch, not sure which version to go for, but thinking that will be the main gift, he doesn't want to upgrade his phone. So, thinking that and a couple of games or certainly something that he can use off-line for games for the car or plane as a main gift. There is free wifi on the train and he has enough phone data for using his phone/tablet.

Then I think I have lots of suggestions here to put together a stocking full of extras.

DS2 says he would still like an amp so that's his main gift and I have plenty for him. Just to pick up some snacks and drinks and some aftershave.

Not an idea for a Christmas present before anyone yells. But have you thought about getting a family pet.

Animals can really help people who are struggling with mental health and loneliness. I got a kitten during a really tough period and, while she has taKen over my world and destroyed my sofa, she has really helped me.

If you and your husband took on the long terms responsibility, a dog to take on regular walks etc might help your son.

But, I know a dog is for life and not for Christmas, so I will stress not for Christmas. But for after.

Headphones? Speaker? Projector?

We have a cat :) DS1 has never been particularly pet orientated. Always much more focussed on tech and vehicles and lego and that sort of stuff. DS2 adores the cat and she dies him. Since he's been away the cat has become much more interested in the rest of us and i've seen DS1 petting her and she's taken to visiting him room from time time (when not moping outside DS2s - door open but she chooses not to go inside when he isn't there, we suspect it's too clean!).

As a family we'd love a dog but we work so it will have to wait until we retire and Dcat expires.

he has multiple headphones for different purposes and an Alexa but he never plays music out loud. His problem is that he takes very good care of his things unlike dyspraxic ds2 who loses and breaks everything so is generally always needing something replaced and is therefore easy to buy for.

Was, pointless suggestion from me then😊. Sorry your cat is missing your other son. Would be good is Ds1 was able to make friends with her - for both of them😊