Spending different amounts on each child?

[TCody]

I have 3 DSSs (15, 14 and 12) and 3 DS’s (6, 6 and 3).

We have spent a lot more on my DSS’s for Christmas, though amount wise it looks fairly similar as the things the younger boys have are generally bigger.

I thought this was quite normal but when speaking to a friend today she was really surprised and quite insistent that I should be spending the same amount on all the children.

I really don’t see the point in spending more on the younger boys for the sake of it but after speaking to my friend I’m stating to doubt myself!

If you have kids of varying ages do you spend a similar amount on presents or does it differ?

Your friend is being silly. The things teens want are usually more expensive than what small children are interested in and the little ones really don’t know or care about cost! I think it’s odd to focus on spending to a target, surely the point is to choose gifts suited to the dcs interests. Ignore her!

I honestly don’t talk about Christmas spending with.... anyone!

Don’t doubt yourself OP. There’s no right or wrong.

The wrong thing to do is to judge others and prevent your way as the right way, which is what your friend has done.

Very seldom do we spend the same on our DC (19 & 16); it probably evens out over the years. We don't spend a lot, usually a max of £150 each, but this year we are spending the higher amount on DS. DD will still get what she wants, it just happens to be cheaper than what DS wants.
And I don't discuss it with friends, when I hear what DD's friends get sometimes I have to take a sharp intake of breath.

I've never thought in cost, just in equivalency of presents. This year DD2 has asked for an explorers kit. DD1 is getting a box of Harry Potter goodies- not sure whose will end up costing more.
Then a book each- DD2s has cost £6.50. DD1s will be double that.

I have been doing exactly this for years! Can be very difficult to balance as I like to give same number of gifts and roughly the same costs full stop end up making it up with cash but in reality I don't think it really should be necessary I think you should absolutely go with the right flow and whatever suits you you. In other words just because I do it doesn't make it right we are all different :-)

At this moment in time we have spent around x4 as much on DSD as we have on DS. Because she is 8 and he is 5 months. His time will come, I have no doubt! And we will be spending lots on him when DSD is an adult and just getting a bottle of wine and £50 in a card.
I’d be trying to keep each “set” of boys roughly equal though, purely because they are so similar in ages.

*also put money save in DS bank account to help pay for the more expensive Christmas and birthdays in the future!

We have 5 DD's ranging in age from 41 down to 26 and we never spend the same on each. That would be impossible given that I buy a lot using discount codes etc so what do you do in that case in terms of calculating costs - note the R.R.P or what you paid? They all get whatever they ask for plus whatever I think they'll like and if there's a huge disparity I'll make it up with vouchers for afternoon tea or something like that. I'm quite sure that they're not comparing as they all know that they're absolutely loved and adored and we've helped them all in different ways over the years. It all evens out in the end I'm sure. Try not to worry OP frankly your friend has no right to comment as it's none of her business!

Your friend is unreasonable. Older kids will want higher value presents then younger children. And the younger ones wont be at the age yet where they realise the difference in price so wont bother them.

my DSS is 7 and my soon DS will be born early December. We spent next to nothing on DS as we recieved so many gifts for him already seemed pointless to buy more but have spent a more substation amount of money on DSS as he is 7 and wants more.
I'm anticipating spending more on DSS over the coming years as there is less the younger ones will want.

Your friend is being ridiculous quite frankly. Carry on as you are. They’re being treated equally fairly which is the important thing and fair is meeting their individual needs not spending the same amount on them when their needs and tastes greatly differ.

Your friend is daft!

I tend to match relative excitement levels for gifts rather than cost. Also does she think cost or retail price? Sometimes you get really good deals on more expensive items so the piles could vary dramatically depending on what deals you got and could leave kids feeling like you spent much more on one than another.

Older kids want more expensive gifts. Your friend is wrong.

My kids have no idea what things cost. They just like the same amount of things to open.

Your friend is ridiculous.

Spend what you can afford that meets each child’s needs and some of their wants.

There have been years when we have spent wildly different amounts on our 3. No one minded a bit. It evens out over the years.

The 6 year olds won't even question how much things have cost, as long as they have around the same amount of gifts to open then that's all they'll care about and 3 year olds dont really understand or are starting to understand what Christmas is about wo I really wouldn't worry about cost at all

Definitively not op!

I have 3 ds’s - 11,9 and 2. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to spend equally on the little one. I can only imagine the pile of plastic shite I’d have to buy him to match the cost of the eldests’ things! It would be ridiculous.

They’re all having new bikes as their main gift. Totally equal, actually. But the costs of the 3 bikes at age 11,9 and 2 were £170, £140 and £24 respectively. And I’m certain that ds3 will be just as thrilled with his brand new Paw Patrol balance bike as ds1 will be with his (pricey, adult size) mountain bike.

My teen ds wants trainers. Size 11 cost 110 quid.
Ds 5 wants trainers. Prob a tenner!!
Your mate is bonkers.

Believe me it will balance out as the youngest get older.

My Ds has asked for a guitar or a rubix cube another . It’s not about how much something costs but about what they want

No I don't spend equal amounts on mine. DD had a MacBook last year, no way could I spend that much on nerf guns and playmobil for my younger two.

At the minute ours don't really have any concept of value so they get equivalent things-. I.e. everyone gets a game, everyone gets an item of clothing etc. In the next couple of years they will start to understand value more and I'll make sure we spend the same on each.

In your case I'm with your friend- the older children may well be aware that you are spending more on them, and I wouldn't want them to somehow translate that into a gesture of favouritism in any way.

I don't even think you should go for the same number of presents - a teen might want a high value item and that will be basically all they get with a few stocking fillers; whereas a younger child might have quite a lot of cheaper toys and books that still wouldn't be the same in value.

I think if you want a point of comparison, you need to compare what you spend on the older children now with what you intend to spend on the younger ones when they get to the same age (assuming no major change in family finances and taking into account inflation!)

I buy what the kids need or want, but I’m not too fussy about spending exactly the same amount of money. My dd used to count her presents and make sure she had the same number as her younger sibling, but cost did not enter into it.

Maybe it does depend on your individual family dynamics??

Our dc are 26 and 20 , I don’t think there has ever been a year where we have spent equal amounts and it’s never been an issue . Growing up they both got the things that they wanted ( within reason) and I don’t think it ever crossed their mind to look at what they had been given from a monetary point of view compared with the other . The way we see it is that it all balances out in the end and when I’m buying someone , for example ,a £700 laptop I’m certainly not going to spend the same amount on a load of crap that someone doesn’t want just to price match .

I do think it does depend on the age group you are dealing with. Younger ones are all about numbers of presents, whilst older ones may understand the cost implications