Christmas hates

[madcatladyforever]

Why i stopped going to family at Xmas, bearing in mind I can only get there 2 or 3 times a year as it's so far.
Basically the totally inflexible routine that ruins the day for everyone.
We are not allowed to open any presents until after lunch which is normally at 2-3pm. The children can open one each.
Ok fair enough. We have lunch and then my parents insist on washing up and totally cleaning the kitchen before anyone does anything else.
This takes about 3-4 hours as every pan in the house has been used and the oven is a disaster area.
When my kids were young I would leave all of it for when I felt like doing it, either late after they had gone to bed or the next day - just shut the kitchen door and enjoy the day with them as they are only young once.
By the time the oven is cleaned the small children are shattered, too tired to open anything and destructive.
I have not seen or spoken to anyone the whole day as they have been busy cooking and me or whoever have spent the whole afternoon being forced to clean.
By the time we get to open presents nobody cares or can even be bothered.
I thought what the hell ias the point of this and stopped going. It sucked every last little bit of joy out of the day.
Does anyone else do this?

That sounds crap. We have always opened all the gifts when everyone is up. Then we have breakfast and there is a lull before the lunch prep starts. I bung the turkey in at some point. It's all very relaxed in my house. The kitchen cleaning can wait until Boxing Day and all the guests have gone.

That does sound miserable.

My worst bit was getting dressed for Christmas dinner. Christ knows why, we weren't going anywhere and it was only the immediate family, but my dad would be in a collar and tie, my mum in a cocktail dress all made up and I'd be forced into an uncomfortable party dress with excessive amounts of bows and tulle. I did love Christmas, but that was a batshit tradition.

Oh, I loved dressing nice for Christmas lunch and I still do nothing extravagant, just a dress tights and splash of lippy. I don't want to eat lunch in my pyjamas.

I hated sitting through the queen's speech zzzz and everyone ignoring everyone else as they read their new books, pausing to quote something unfunny (I'm having flashbacks of my dad reading Richard Whiteley's autobiography), the passiva aggressiveness, the atmosphere you could cut with a knife. Then mother would announce at exactly 7pm 'well that Christmas over'

Hence we stay at home now, and have a bloody MARVELLOUS time!

That really isn’t what Christmas is about madcatlady. So awful for you. I would have stopped going as well.

The only thing I would have wished was different at my childhood Christmasses was having more people there, it was a bit quiet just mum dad and me, and often dad was working part of the day (nursing)

Jings madcat it sounds like your parents don't really enjoy Christmas but feel they have to do it . But they will do under protest and make it as regimented as they can.

(My DMum doesn't do Christmas , never has done . Even when we were little the decorations were one small tree .
Then when I was 9-10 , she just didn't do anything .
We (DSis DBro and I ) did decorations, DDad did shopping, I cooked Christmas dinner . She always said she "couldn't be bothered and didn't have the energy " (but had the energy to empty out cupboards and leave it all in the hall, that's another thread)

My Christmas Hates are :

People saying they "hate Christmas" / "It;s too commercialised"/ "It's all coming over from America "
( I normally just nod , make agreeable noises and filter out . Not worth getting into)

People who know it's on the 25th December (as it is every year) and then are up in arms about how dis-organised they are .
Do Christmas , Don't Do Christmas . Up to them.

And people who decide to go shopping on a Saturday in mid December and complain about the queues .
You knew there would be queues , it is not a huge surprise . Queue if you want the item. Walk if you don;t

Marzipan.

We ditched Christmas dinner a few years back when we realised it was more effort then it was worth on Christmas day- we wanted to see kids open presents, play with them etc. We have a BBQ now as it's sociable cooking.

We need to spend Christmas with my parents at some point, probably next year, which will reinstate Christmas dinner. But kids are older now.

OP that does sound miserable! I think your parents missed the point somewhat..!

My Xmas hate:
An awful drinks party at dh’s colleagues house in Xmas eve that I am expected to attend. I don’t know anyone except dh and it’s quite cliquey and awkward. I managed to excuse myself last year but I don’t think I can get out of it this year.

Another on for marzipan and Christmas cake. I also don’t like alcohol.

The only downside is my kids get overhyped at grandparents as too small. Oh isn’t bothered about seeing his family. Everyone seems to want vouchers. One year we were forced to spend Xmas at bil house as my mil last Xmas (she ended up in a hospice over Xmas) but my sil parents were at theirs plus dinner was served as lo was asleep and someone had the great idea to put music on. Christmas is a bittersweet time for oh as he lost both parents around then and New Year’s Day is horrible as the anniversary of mil passing.

My mother always throws a fit, last year it was at my nan, my sister expects to be waited on hand & foot, my nan always looks like she hates every minute of it.

When the kids were really little i used to hate the endless rounds of "mum, i cant find name of tiny toy piece from new gift "then suddenly one year we realised that had stopped & xmas with the kids was fun.

This year we're not inviting anyone else, can't bloody wait.

Christmas cake/pudding.

Everything that smells like cinnamon/ mulled spices/ gingerbread. Makes me feel sick!

Turkey, bread sauce, sprouts, gravy, marzipan, icing and dates.

We have stockings in the morning and don't have main presents until after Xmas meal and tidy up have happened. I would hate to have a dirty kitchen to deal with later on.
Once the meal is finished ( including tidy up) everyone can relax and enjoy opening presents.
When dc were little and had lots of family presents we used to save some presents for Boxing Day so they weren't overwhelmed.
We also wear smarter clothes.
It suits us though which is what really matters.

I hate the whole duty thing and wish you could just spend the day however you like without worrying about people being offended.
In our house it's stockings in the morning, out for dinner, presents when we get home. Works great for us but only one child here, everyone else is grown up.

DH insisting on watching Polar Express for the 400th time.

The obligation to visit MIL for one of her slightly bizarre dinners. Chestnuts floating in bisto gravy, cold custard from a tin on Christmas pudding or semi frozen profiteroles.

Decided to avoid all of this by inviting them here this year 😇

OP you were completely right to stop going. Children's memories and related emotions of Christmas last a life time and get passed on to the next generation. I hope your future Christmases are filled with love, laughter, happiness and mess - just as it should be.

FIL making the GC open their presents slowly one by one, and taking an age to write a list of who got what from whom in a very dictatorial manner.
And serving us half a glass of Blue Nun at lunch because they don't drink. Tea and warm vimto only thereafter.

That sounds very regimented and literally no fun whatsoever.

We open presents as soon as we get up, then we laze about snacking on chocolates, some will have a cooked breakfast, laze about some more, a couple of cheeky drinks, then dinner, more drinking etc.

I'm not surprised you stopped going at all to be honest, it's meant to be a nice time and your parents' take on Christmas fun doesn't sound fun in the slightest. Was it as serious as that when you were a child?

Hate:

Elf on the shelf - horrible little thing.
Mounds of pointless ‘loot’, most of which will be discarded and ignored by New Year.
Packaging...oceans of plastic, all needless.
Christmas jumpers - not as in actual woollen jumpers, but the acrylic crap Asda and Matalan draft in to flog to people obliged to buy them for Christmas Jumper Day at work and/or school. Like we haven’t spent enough.
Secret Santa - presents for colleagues...why? Like we haven’t spent enough.
Christmas presents for teachers/school staff - ridiculous. Like we haven’t spent enough.

Love:

A real tree
Fairy lights
Thoughtful gifts
Christmas dinner
Time off work
Family
Chilly walks
Cosy films
Board games
Baileys
Cheese, chocolate and mince pies etc
Christmas carols

Blue Christmas lights and marzipan.
When my DM was alive and kids were younger, the pa comments about the amount of presents.

No one would tell me when my children would open their presents. No one.

Re kitchen cleaning... it shouldn’t be a disaster zone if done properly as you go. And the stuff that remains post Christmas lunch is done immediately as bloody depressing to leaving until end of the day, but not a big deal. Children play with presents already opened, whilst adult all chip in with helping out whilst Christmas carols play in background and Bucks Fizz consumed.

I suppose it’s the difference between a loving open considerate family

And one that is drowning in resentment and pent up anger

That does sound dire OP.

My Christmas pet hates are:
Going over to my parents on Christmas Day. Thankfully I no longer have to do it now I have DD. I don’t want to have to keep alternating and I want to do Christmas dinner my way. My parents would never do anything on the day apart from cook dinner and argue. They never played with us as kids. I didn’t realise how dire it was until I went to my in-laws on Christmas and saw how much fun they have.

I used to work at Claire’s accessories and people would get so stressed at buying presents and just being shitty to shop assistants (fair enough if the shop assistant did something wrong but people would just automatically come to us with a shitty and stressed attitude)

The office Christmas party. I feel obligated to go.

Christmas presents from relatives I don’t see or like. I’ve asked it to stop but my mum has told them to still get a present for DD which I’m massively annoyed about so I have to say something and look like the dick

Wow-talk about joyless! I wouldn’t have managed one Christmas there as an adult with a choice! How many did you do?

We do presents straight away!

DHs family handing presents over in the hall. Just wait two minutes until we're all sitting down so we can appreciate what they got

Sil and her partner sitting on the sofa long after the meal - go home I want to lounge in my pyjamas.

My sister never coming to see me. I always end up going to her house.

Oh and never having anywhere to sit at my parents house! I sat in the dogs bed when I was pregnant