How not to be a CF at Christmas....

[CupoTeap]

So have been invited to my siblings for Christmas dinner. How do I avoid being a CF? Have offered to bring anything they wish however nothing suggested so far.

Any advice?

If you’re a family that drinks alcohol then definitely take wine; even if it’s not drunk on the day they can have it for the future as a gift for hosting.
And then on the day help out especially with clearing up.

Can you just tell her you'll look after dessert and wine for the table?

Or starters and dessert?

Or offer to help pay...

On the day make sure you help out.....?

Take wine, posh crisps/nibbles, flowers or poinsettia for the host.

You could offer to pay for the turkey maybe. Otherwise agree with alcohol and help with cleaning.

Take things that can be used afterwards because they might have thought of everything for the day. Lovely cheese and biscuits, chutneys, wines... and a little Christmas arrangement from the florist, or a nice candle.

Agree with these suggestions... Take wine and chocolate & 'nibbles'.

Help the host. Make cups of tea, help set/clear the table. Help peel/ prepare veg. Get stuck in but always follow the lead of the host.

I agree with taking some alcohol, whatever you know will be well received by the host. You could bring a lovely Christmas cake or other dessert and it would also be nice of you to offer help with the clean up.

Offer to buy/cook a joint of meat most people usually do more than one, offer to bring dessert. If they say they have it covered take wine, or a game to play after dinner, or some nice after dinner chocolates and definitely help to clear up even if they refuse. If they have children help to keep them occupied whilst they are busy cooking and serving up.

I know when I’m hosting I like to make sure I know everything is sorted, and I worry someone won’t do what they say they will. I don’t want to discover on the day that, say, the dessert isn’t big enough or there’s not enough wine. So I always tell people not to worry about bringing anything. What I’ve done for others is arrange an alcohol delivery in advance. Plus all the above - help out, bring a hostess gift (E.g poinsettia), posh chocolates, keep the kids entertained.

I host every year and the things I wish my family would do;
Take care of the kids at dishing up time, I’m always screaming for help with two kids around my feet whilst they sit at the table drinking wine

Bring as much alcohol as you’ll drink. Don’t take cheap Prosecco then insist on drinking champagne I’ve bought all day

Tell me to sit down and just do the table clearing/dishwasher loading/washing up. People hslf heartedly offer but don’t really help.

Say how amazing all the food is and that you’re having a fabulous day continuously - it makes the hard work worth it!

Hosting isn’t just the cooking on the day, it’s the prep, facing the shops at the busiest time of year, calculating how many sprouts, potatoes and pigs in blankets are needed, ensuring there’s starters and puddings that suit all, and of course a vegetarian option!

Please don’t take a poinsettia if they have dogs or cats, as they are poisonous to them. I look longingly at them every year, but have to pass.

Other suggestions sound great.

Pointsettias are poisonous to some animals so don't take that, but all the other suggestions are good.

Oops didn't see Frenchfemme said the same first

We go to my mums every year and I always buy the meat - usually a bundle deal from a very good local butchers with turkey, beef, gammon, pigs in blankets, stuffing and bacon. It's one of the more expensive parts of a Christmas lunch and I feel less guilty descending into mum if we're contributing.

We also take some booze she likes that everyone will have. We also help out with prep as we stay Christmas Eve and then with the cooking and cleaning up on the day.
And clean up after DD has opened her gifts and the dog has shredded every piece of wrapping paper he can find.

I'm hosting and I've been hosted. I respect the host. If they say they want nothing, I give a voucher for their supermarket. I'm sure it takes the sting out of January.

MIL asked what she could do so I asked her to bring one of the meats (she does it way better than me). Otherwise I'll supply everything. I am the host after all.

Can I just add, if they say they want nothing, dont bring extra food and nibbles to be nice.
Wine, vouchers, flowers yes but no food.
When I host I often cater for everything and specifically ask people not to bring any extra food and they always do.
3 bags of shit crips/ Baked cakes/ Cupcakes/ side dish/ shit cheese- honestly Ive had it all. I dont want it and I usually have cupboards full and nowhere to put things and find it so annoying.

Having said that, I think its very nice that you are trying to go out of your way to participate and Im sure the host will think you are lovely

If everything has been put on for you then you can trust that (I'm a feeder...) so go for something with a really long shelf life like booze or supermarket vouchers for wherever she shops. And be super helpful on the day. There must be some crappy jobs she secretly hates!

Oops I've assumed it's a sister not a brother haven't I? Apologies for being stuck in the 30s...

I agree with not bringing anything food related. We had it several times with well meaning friends and we’re stuck with food on ends afterward as I always cater for everything unless I specifically ask to bring a starter or dessert.

Take drinks and I agree with help. I often do the washing up at my friend’s party as she is a very generous host and the dish washer only fits so much and nobody wants a cluttered dirty kitchen.

Entertain children, when my nieces were younger I normally got a small gift they could do straight away even if it was just pens and paper to keep them out of the way or if the weather was good we took them to the park for a run around.

A voucher for their preferred supermarket for the January shopping is a really good idea as well.

Buy the meat or give a supermarket voucher for their preferred supermarket. Entertain the kids. Load the dishwasher/wipe kitchen sides. If close family offer to keep refilling everyone’s drinks so they don’t have to think about that.

I'm
Hosting as always. I've planned everything and I'd rather have the money towards it to be perfectly honest! It's also the only time of the year I don't want flowers as I can't be doing with the faff of sorting them on Xmas day!
I'd like everyone to bring their slippers, properly relax and help clear up afterwards!

I love hosting but I don’t want food gifts, flowers to arrange or help in the kitchen (with the exception of my lovely sil who is actually helpful).
I really appreciate guests who are good humoured, appreciative and who mingle if there are distinct groups, and who keep the dc entertained and out from under my feet when I’m turkey wrestling.
I don’t like people loading my dishwasher (because I have to clean the crud out of the filter later), or washing and chipping my china.
I love it when people take leftovers home with them.
Writing all this makes me realise that I’m a bit difficult really though I do graciously accept whatever contributions guests offer. Going with the flow, good conversation and appreciating the meal is what makes a good guest for me.

Offer to buy a specific, expensive part of the meal: the turkey or the cheeseboard, crackers and fruit, chocolates and nuts etc. Bring at least as much alcohol as you will drink, so if your tipple is gin bring a bottle and mixers, or a bottle of champagne and one of red if you are staying a few days. Best thing to do is to buy really well thought out presents for DC if they have them and then keep DC happily occupied while she gets on with preparations.

If I’m going to others for Christmas I’m specific. If you say “what can I bring?” a lot of people say nothing. So instead I’ll say “shall I sort desserts and wine?” Or “shall I order the turkey?” If they insist on nothing, then as others have said, bring champagne or prosecco, which they can use on the day or keep for future. They might want everything carefully planned and timed, so don’t take random dishes that need oven space or fridge space.

And yes, help with dishes afterwards.

Maybe a lovely note in the days after to say how much you enjoyed the day.

When I host, family bring a Christmas bouquet which can quickly be put in a vase, and wine and fizz.
When they host, we take the Xmas pud (homemade) and table crackers (homemade and filled with personalised gifts & lottery tickets), and wine.

We do alternate years so it all works out.