How not to be a CF at Christmas....

[CupoTeap]

So have been invited to my siblings for Christmas dinner. How do I avoid being a CF? Have offered to bring anything they wish however nothing suggested so far.

Any advice?

They are your sibling, why would they expect a contribution? I would never dream of asking a sibling to contribute to a meal and they wouldn't ask me either.

I don't understand the suggestion on here that family are CFs if they accept a meal for free. I'd be raging if I had any of my siblings at mine for dinner and they brought food; If I am hosting, I am hosting.

Surely with it being Christmas you will bring a gift for your sibling? That is enough. Then again I suppose individual families have different dynamics and it isn't fair to expect all families to be like mine; In my family we all take turns catering meals and/or paying for meals out but we don't bring contributions to each other's houses.

Bring a Christmas gift, help in the kitchen if needed, not bringing a dish/bottle to a close family member's house is not the equivalent of a CF in my opinion.

I generally host (DH is a vicar and we're always at home at Christmas and Easter) and my lovely family comes to us, even though I'm sure they would love us to go to theirs at some point. My family bring dessert but talk it through with me before they buy/make it so I can veto if no oven space etc. They also bring the alcohol and help in the kitchen.

Christmas is crazily busy with services especially on years when neither Christmas Eve nor Christmas Day is a Sunday, so family come early and help us with the childcare so we can run up and down to the church.

I'm very grateful that they pitch in and help out -especially since they aren't churchgoers themselves so I have made their life more difficult in many ways in marrying a clergyman. They don't judge and if (when) something goes wrong they find it hilarious and all part of the fun.

I guess in some ways I am the CF in needing them to have their Christmas in a certain way to facilitate us even though I do all the preparation, cooking, cleaning etc. Plus paying for it all.

We're very lucky as in-laws are equally helpful and gracious around the holidays for us.

Wine and a gift. I wouldn't want anyone to bring food except for FIL who has a side dish he likes to make and sees as his tradition.

Plenty of booze, and do help to clear up/top up people's drinks/keep the kids occupied/offer to pay towards the meat.
I always host and nobody ever offers to contribute financially, it costs us a fortune. If i'm lucky some will bring a single bottle of wine between two and spend the day drinking my gin.

How about offering to bring the crackers and / or small table presents for everyone?

I agree with everyone else about fitting in with the host, help but do things their way. Definitely help with the clearing up, checking for tucked away behind settee glasses and cups.

If there are children who have received a complicated puzzle or Lego kit, sit with them and help them build it.

If you’re staying overnight or for a few days, don’t imagine 1 bottle of wine is a good donation, especially if there’s more than 1 of you.

Yes to asking if you bring something specific for the meal or cover the cost of it if host prefers to buy it - suggest the meat or something of reasonable cost.

Yes to doing what host suggests - so if they say don’t bring anything, don’t then turn up with biscuits, cheese, meat etc as it will all just be duplicates. It’s fine to take booze and chocs.

If they say they don’t want anything, at start of Dec or in Jan send a gift card for their supermarket with a note ‘really appreciate you hosting Christmas. Know it’s a big expense so Please use this towards it/Please use this in January.’

A small gift for the host (not for use over Christmas) is good - a candle? Favourite hand cream? Lovely coffee?

You could offer something specific eg starter, cheese board, desert, wine. If you do, try to take it fully complete so you’re not taking up their kitchen space and utensils when they are using them too. But they might find it easier to just sort it themselves. Or they might not have thought about it yet given it’s nearly 2 months away.

I agree that if they say ‘nothing’ don’t turn up with random foodstuff or it will take up space and end up uneaten. A voucher to use in January is a great idea along with some fizz if they drink and some chocolates or similar.

Some of my family never offer to bring anything then end up bringing random odds and ends which I have no fridge space for and have already bought. They mean well so I never ever say anything.

Oh and if you do arrange to take something please try to remember it. I arranged with a relative they would bring the wine and then they didn’t so I had to go without my festive tipple as of course everywhere was shut.

Have a great time.

When we were invited to dd's future in laws for Xmas day we took two bottles of a good red and two bottles of a good white.
They seemed very happy and I thought £60
worth of wine was an absolute bargain
to get a beautiful lunch and lots of booze.
Obviously we still gave Xmas gifts.

Yes don’t be mean in your giving. A good Christmas dinner is expensive and if you add in a Christmas tea and snacks and the drink it all adds up. Bear in mind if you stay over it’s multiple meals. Think how much it would cost you to host. If you’re the guest it’s nice to be spared effort and expense so a £3.50 bottle of wine or box of Roses doesn’t really cut it. At Christmas we hope for a liberal, generous meal and we should be liberal,generous gifts. Of course the polite and gracious host or guest never comments on illiberality or lack of generosity but is pleased to see people and grateful for anything they receive.

Help on the day by keeping the place tidy. It's amazing how quickly a lovely clean and tidy house gets trashed at Christmas while the hosts are busy cooking and serving.

Clear up wrapping paper as you go and don't leave piles of opened Xmas gifts everywhere. When presents have been unwrapped and looked at put them back in gift bags and stack by the front door.

Keep the draining board clear by drying stuff up and offer to run and empty the dishwasher. Don't let recycling accumulate either.

Entertain children and keep everyone happy by chatting.

Don't get smashed and doze off!

• bring drinks and/or nibbles
• OFFER to bring starter and/or dessert and offer early enough that the host won’t have already bought/planned.
• OFFER to help clear up after dinner but listen if the host says no thanks. I would genuinely much much rather clear the table and wash up on my own, although the offer is much appreciated.
• if you’re a games kind of family bring a board or card game.

Oh try not to spread your stuff (things you’ve brought and gifts) all over the house, if you’re staying over put your things in your room.

Arrive at the time you are asked. Nothing worse if you have your timings for cooking set and guests arrive really late.

If you're planning on having a tipple on the day then definitely take some alcohol with you to contribute. Maybe offer to contribute financially towards the the food?