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Christmas

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Age limit on Santa...

82 replies

3littlemincemeatpies · 31/10/2019 22:44

Noticed quite a few posters commenting about their children or others being too old for Santa, ie a a Santa pile/stocking/letter and the whole magic that goes along side it.

I’m going to be honest, from a parent who has a 13, 11 (Just) and 7 year old (two of which are on the cusp) I find this a little sad and wonder if this is end general consensus or a miserable few.

The ideas behind the imagination and magical side of things are so much more now when I was growing up, the naughty elf, Christmas Eve box, Santa’s runway in the back garden, NORAD but still I would have been hugely deflated as a older child if I didn't have the anticipation of hanging my stocking, composing an imaginary note and waiting till my lovely dad had made us wait on Christmas morning to see if “He has been!!” before we were allowed downstairs...

I’m 39 and till this day my folks have never told Santa Clause isn’t real!! Smile

So to the people that do Santa to a certain age, genuine question how do you bridge the gap and go from Pj’s from the elf, polar express breakfasts and little souvenirs left from Santa on Christmas Morning to nothing because as a 9-(albeit slightly naive) young teen I would have been heartbroken, despite secretly knowing that Santa was mostly magic dust for my parents to stop everything...

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Maxineputyourredshoeson · 01/11/2019 21:22

My DD’s are 7 and 10 at Christmas, I’m not sure if they believe or not tbh. We had the announcement that the tooth fairy isn’t true from DD2 last year.

I think DD1 has worked it out but hasn’t said anything.

We have always had FC as a glorified delivery person, they know it’s us that buy the presents and DD1 is very logically minded so I’m sure she knows, I mean it doesn’t really make sense that we buy the presents and send them via the magic cupboard to be wrapped and delivered by someone else. Over the years the story has kind of evolved and honestly, sometimes even I’m like WTF am I going on about Grin

But I’m a huge Christmas fan, one of those really annoying people that would have Christmas every day yes, I know it wouldn’t be the same Christmas will always be the same no matter how old our DD’s are, the presents will always be sent in the Christmas cupboard, stockings will always be filled and treats will still be left for FC as they are now apart from the year we forgot to put them out

I’m 40 and my DM still tells me FC won’t bring me any presents if I don’t behave. She, sorry the tooth fairy gave me money and a lovely note when I had my wisdom teeth out in my 20’s Grin.

To me, Christmas is truly magical weather you’re 2 or 92 and FC is a part of that for me and our family, weather you ‘believe’ or not.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/11/2019 07:43

Never too old.

Father Christmas comes to everyone in our house, family or guest, regardless of age.

But then we always leave him a good tot of whisky or brandy, not the boring glass of cold milk - who on earth wants that on a cold night? - that seems to be taking over nowadays. And of course a homemade mince pie or two.

Bloodybridget · 02/11/2019 07:52

Honestly, I think it's a bit bonkers to carry on pretending about Santa once children are out of primary school. As a joke, ok, but not seriously! Seems to me like another example of parents being over-protective and expecting their DCs to be devastated by every change in life.

ExpletiveDEVILighted · 02/11/2019 08:15

Well, it's all done with a wink and a nod. So, teenage DC might say "I think I'd like X for Christmas", I'll say "ok, you can get them in John Lewis, oops, I mean I'll ask Santa to go to John Lewis", big grins all round.

Smurf123 · 02/11/2019 08:27

My brother got told the truth at 11 for going to secondary.. He listened then turned to my mum and said "I've heard what you said and I understand now I'm going to forget it all and can we pretend you didn't say anything"
He's 13 now and still does the whole Santa thing .. the 23 year old brother is usually awake earlier than him on Christmas Day mind you. Even at 30 we still get Christmas pajamas.. and we continue it all for my son who is 1 .. although my husband is a bit in awe of it all as his family never really did it all

3littlemincemeatpies · 02/11/2019 09:50

Seems to be quite mixed feelings on the subject. Smile

I’ve been thinking about it over night and wondering why I would feel sad about suddenly not doing all Christmas magic/imagination stuff (much more than Santa in our house) and I think it’s because they are family traditions that we have loved and both built and taken from our own childhoods and the anticipation of which makes my 3 girls unbearably excited about what’s to come.

The naughty elf arriving on the 1st with calendars.

The afternoon that we write our Santa letters in front of the fire with bottomless hot chocolate.

The old set of bells (that my lovely gran was given was she a house keeper) that get tinkled in the middle of the night on Chris Eve.

Having to send DH our on Xmas Eve for the elf food (Skittles FYI Grin) because we always forget but that are oh so vital.

Waking up in the morning and stretching your toes to the end of the bed to see if you could feel and hear the rustle of paper of a filled stocking.

And the best moment for any kid, lying in your parents bed waiting for your dad to go and check “If he’s been” and him taking forever all the while he’s down making sure the fizz is chilled, the right carols are playing and the candles and fire are lit.

It’s not that I’m in some kind of denial that my children won’t come to learn that we as parents are the magic makers but what makes Christmas so special for us is not just the magic that comes from these things but the old familiarity, love and tradition that we enjoy year after year.

I think even in the awkward teen stage, where the eye rolls, hangovers and grunt responses are prevalent I’ll still keep these wonderful customs going for me, for the family that instilled them in me and also any future grandchildren.

OP posts:
dancinginthekitchen · 02/11/2019 11:06

Mine are all in their 30’s - everyone who is the house on Christmas morning wakes up to a stocking - you are never too old!

Nordicwannabe · 02/11/2019 11:26

science is cool but it’s not magical. It is the opposite of magical since it is the logical explanation

I totally disagree with this. When we say something is magical, we are talking about wonder. I feel so much wonder at the natural world. Whether I understand the phenomenon or not doesn't affect how amazing I find it.

expresses it perfectly for me.

I also love Christmas. I love celebrating it with my family, and we all have so much fun doing Santa with DD. Humans are complex, and able to deal with ambiguity. We are strongly social animals who value cultural traditions and relationships. Let's enjoy it Grin

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 02/11/2019 11:26

Jeeeez my mum never stopped Grin

I was 15 when my youngest sibling found out but we had to keep it going for dear old mum. She must know we know because we're all in our 30s but now we've all got DC of our own and dear old mum is now MEGASANTA.

I never see my lot over Christmas but Santa actually makes a special trip to my mum's house mid December just to fill my stocking. My mum then posts it to me.

Elle7rose · 02/11/2019 11:58

I absolutely loved the whole father christmas thing! However I picked up on hints that he didn't exist by about 9 years old- which I think is fairly average. I then pretended he existed until my younger brother was 10 and worked it out for himself.

As long as your child has realised that he doesn't exist before starting secondary school then it's okay to just keep pretending but I think if they haven't then you do have to say.

LoveNote · 02/11/2019 12:38

I think they get told at school and then it becomes obvious to them

After age 7 I’m sure they ‘know’

4forkssake · 02/11/2019 12:49

I'm 45 & I've never been told such nonsense that he's not real ShockWink. My kids are 13 & 9 & they'll never be told by me either. I'm fairly sure the 13 year old doesn't believe & I'm thinking the 9 year old may not (both were told the truth by the delightful little shits in Y6 when they were 7/8 but chose to continue to believe (or at least have me believe that). Our stance is if you don't believe you might not get anything & neither have seemed willing to take that chance Grin,

NeedAnExpert · 02/11/2019 13:21

both were told the truth by the delightful little shits in Y6 when they were 7/8

Y6 is age 10-11. But unreasonable to expect kids not to have worked it out by that age and not to talk about it if they have! They’re hardly “little shits”.

I wonder if there is a correlation between adults who refuse to acknowledge the truth about Santa (for them or anyone else around them) and believing the lies peddled by the Leave campaign.

BiddyPop · 02/11/2019 13:24

My 35 year o,d DBro still had Santa last year as he was at home, and 40 yo DSis gets Santa every year still. There would be as much upset for DPs as my DSiblings if this tradition was to be cut out. (I've already been told quietly that if we are at home on Christmas morning again, we will all need to put out our socks the night before ).

If it is a tradition that you and DCs enjoy, is there a need to get rid of it?

Iggi999 · 02/11/2019 20:48

I wonder if there is a correlation between adults who refuse to acknowledge the truth about Santa (for them or anyone else around them) and believing the lies peddled by the Leave campaign
Give your head a wobble, needanexpert fgs

mathanxiety · 03/11/2019 01:02

It’s not that I’m in some kind of denial that my children won’t come to learn that we as parents are the magic makers but what makes Christmas so special for us is not just the magic that comes from these things but the old familiarity, love and tradition that we enjoy year after year.

In my own life I came to appreciate the importance of keeping up traditions as life dealt several blows to our circumstances.
We used to always go to the ILs for Christmas but that long trip became a logistical nightmare once we had three DCs and all of their presents to take into account. The ILs had a tradition of Christmas Eve Mass, a big family dinner, and opening of family gifts on Christmas Eve, which we continued when we started having Christmas at home. exH and I divorced and the family home had to be sold, but I felt that keeping up the Christmas tradition in our new home might help tide the DCs over the upheaval, which it did. As the DCs got older and started earning money, we began to have our own family gift exchange on Christmas Eve, melding the old with the new.

When it came to talking to them about Santa Claus, I always assumed that I would tell my DCs the truth at an appropriate time. That time, I assumed, would be the day they came to me and asked me. So in turn they asked me and I told them, and swore them in turn to secrecy both at home and in school. They were aged from 6.5 to just under 8 when they either heard whispers in school or started to think rationally about flying reindeer/ children living in homes without chimneys.

However, one DC never asked me and seemed to be heading to the ripe old age of 11 still not questioning her beliefs. I mentioned this casually to her teacher, who told me that she had noticed both in this particular DC's class and the class she had had the previous year that several children spoke confidently and without a trace of irony about Santa Claus. Apparently this DC's class and the year before hers was full of tactful children because nobody was taken aside by their peers and told The Truth (so no side dish of scorn either, thankfully).

I was a little concerned all the same that one day someone would say something hurtfully, but she eventually approached me herself about age 10.5 and I told her it was me all along. She was genuinely astonished and couldn't understand how I had hidden presents for five children or put them out under the tree overnight without waking everyone for all these years. Clearly (1) capable of formulating decent questions based on observed reality, and (2) a very heavy sleeper.

She was sort of tickled to think about the subterfuge, it seemed, and off she went, only to return with a question about the Easter Bunny, and then about half an hour later with, 'And the Tooth Fairy????' I still don't know if this was an elaborate performance on her part or a genuine case of a penny dropping ever so slowly Smile. This particular DD has an unusual brain... From then on she entered into the spirit of the Christmas Eve fun including pouring out a little measure of brandy and leaving out a mince pie for 'Santa' because her younger sister still believed and I had asked her not to breathe a word.

I think it's important to encourage and support children's magical thinking and dalliance with fairy tales and other stories connected to fantasy as long as it lasts. Children's grasp of concrete reality develops very gradually, emerging through many stages from infancy on - all the way to old age really. There is no reason whatsoever to skip steps in the gradual process, sticking to encyclopedias as reading material for instance and eschewing fantasy that might encourage them to believe that animals can talk and drive, or whatever.

Even as a child grows out of early childhood, there is nothing to be gained by reminding them they are 'just' playing - for instance, at age five, that they are not really a lion or a pilot or a pirate or a teacher. Just because you are in school doesn't mean you have to give up processing experience in certain ways. Children pick up many of the themes that they rehearse through pretence and role play from the environment around them and from their own experiences, and they use play to process some very big themes - fear of abandonment, love, terror, good, evil. They press many characters and personae into service in their work, and children's literature, movies and TV do the same.

Children up to a certain age are not worried about conundrums like seeing Santa at the grotto on Christmas Eve and then going home and seeing from the tracker that he has also managed to visit China in the course of the afternoon. Small children don't sweat the small details and that is perfectly fine and a good thing as far as their development goes on many fronts. All of children's literature aimed at children under age 9/10ish actually presents a great deal of utterly improbable characters and scenarios (and by comparison most early childhood formal readers are tragically unengaging as literature, and dull as ditch water). It doesn't matter. What matters is what is behind it all and how children can use it both as they play together and in their own heads.

We ourselves editorialise or make up stuff all the time when it comes to helping children deal with experiences they are exposed to, sometimes to encourage them to co-operate, sometimes to make them feel better about a hurt or a slight, sometimes to help them reframe something scary. I suspect even the most ardent Santa Claus sceptics would realise that just telling a child that monsters under the bed are non-existant and therefore nothing to be afraid of isn't going to cut it when reassurance is needed. You have to draw on resources other than an appeal to rationalism when dealing with children in their hour of need, and even when helping them through daily life.

In the case of the Santa Claus narrative, the propensity for magical thinking is harnessed to foster a belief in the benevolence of the universe, some force of goodness that smiles on each individual child. This is what is really going on when presents appear as if by magic on Christmas morning.

I personally did not link the appearance of presents to behaviour, or expect my children to feel there was some quid pro quo involved, or to feel beholden to me for the presents. Everything under the tree was and is from 'Santa Claus'.

I am not a fan of Ayn Rand in general, but I do feel that the idea of a benevolent universe is an important one to convey.

Sweetaholic · 03/11/2019 01:15

We still do Santa. I made it clear that if you don't 'believe' in Santa you shouldn't bother to leave your stocking out on Christmas Eve. In my house Santa leaves the best presents 🎁 helped by the letter you need to write to him by beginning November at the latest..........

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/11/2019 01:24

We do Santa half heartedly in our house. DS is 19 and obviously doesn't believe, but we always refer to Santa as a bit of a joke (eg how do you think the presents got here if not Santa) - we have never labelled them from Santa though, even when he was little, they have always been from whoever bought them, we have never done Christmas Eve boxes, Elf on the Shelf, anything like that. It works for our family, that was how I was brought up (DH had a deprived childhood and always went overboard with presents and decorations to compensate as an adult, but brought no traditions with him).

You do what works for you. I think the age limit idea is a bit sad - even after the years of believing have finished, that doesn't mean you can't incorporate Santa. Even now, DS is in bed and asleep by midnight on Christmas Eve, and puts a stocking out.

MintyT · 04/11/2019 07:01

I can't ever remember believing in Father Christmas. When we got older my LP mum gave us the money to buy what we wanted, we wrapped them up and had them Christmas morning!! But we still had a nice time but with mine even to this day one doesn't know what I've got the other, they didn't see the presents come in the house, when they asked I said it was Christmas magic because it is . they have their own homes and children and still spend Christmas morning at mine for stockings and presents and have many happy memories. There has been changes along the way, divorce, and re-marriage but Christmas has always been good

CodenameVillanelle · 04/11/2019 07:07

There's a difference between being too old to believe in Santa and too old for a stocking! My mum only stopped doing us stockings when the first grandchild arrived! But in terms of believing, I do think it's odd if NT children get to secondary school and still haven't worked it out. I'd be telling them at that point to minimise chances of piss taking.

Stompythedinosaur · 04/11/2019 13:10

I have no intention of having some big sit down discussion about FC not being real. I think that their belief will fade as they get older (8yo dd1 probably has a fair idea I think) and it will become a game we are playing together.

BigmouseLittlehouse · 04/11/2019 14:17

I think it does very much depend on the particular child.

I was one of those slightly odd children who was really upset to realise about Santa because I felt my poor parents had lied to me. I remember feeling genuinely hurt and upset by the lies. My disis by contrast still believed aged 11 and tbh would still like to believe today!

I don’t think not believing does take away the magic of Christmas though - partly because children’s ability to both believe in magic and know it’s not real is quite strong - so similar to immersing yourself in a book and becoming part of its world eventhough h you know it isnt real? Or the way children can still get lost in imaginary play. So I hope even the DC who don’t believe still take some magic from the traditions and stories (I will still do stockings but not actively pretend about Santa after my two stop believing - my DS at 7 is I think on the cusp of not as several children in his class have said Santa doesn’t exist)

BiddyPop · 07/11/2019 11:01

Just because your DC is old enough to not believe the myth of Santa, doesn't mean you need to lose the magic.

If your DC like having Christmas bedding that reappears year after year, would you stop taking that out?

Can the advent calendar still appear as part of the preparations for Christmas?

Is it ok that adults want some twinkly lights and glowing candles around their houses, or trees decorated?

Must EVERYTHING be about making it magical for the children and then utterly shit once they are old enough to no longer believe?

We still have traditions that happen every year which have nothing to do with Santa - like the youngest in the household lighting the Christmas candle on Christmas Eve. And having our own special "family time" around that, to remember the good and bad of the year just finishing and to remember family who are no longer with us.

We have also, in fact, started talking a bit more about St Nicholas, in recent years, as the inspiration for Santa and giving presents. And as I have been lucky enough to get to Continental Europe at the right time, I've found some nice St Nicholas chocolate to leave out on the night of 5th December in his honor.

We have always read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" as the Christmas Eve bedtime story, as bedtime stories were very important for years and we got a copy of the book for DD's 1st ever Christmas. She sees that as still being an important tradition and asked me in late November (when we were rooting out the Christmas books and DVDs and her bedding) to make sure the book was in the Christmas Eve box last year (aged 13!), for me to read after she'd had her bath and got into fresh PJs for bed. We had always kept TTNBC separately from the rest of the books of Christmas and winter stories, they would be read all December and into January, but TTNBC was always only read for the 1st time each year on 24th Dec, even if it had a couple more outings before going back into storage with the decorations etc in January.

It may be a different kind of magic once DCs no longer believe absolutely in Santa.

But they (in general - I know every family does things slightly differently) still get some presents, they will still have a festive meal, there are still decorations up. And there are lots of things that can still make things magical for those DCs even without Santa himself - just as we all change as we get older, so too do the DCs, and we can change and evolve what we all do as families and as people to enjoy different things.

Like family holidays (and again, I know I risk generalising too much but...) tend to be more focussed on daytime activities and having a pool or beach to enjoy, when DCs are smaller. But as they get older, you can have more evening meals, go to a couple of cultural places (one museum trip within a week) or bigger adventures (long hike or bike ride into mountains, big thrill rides in theme parks etc) interspersed among the activities more suited to DCs. Teens will want to shop, sleep, and maybe need lots of wifi for watching their content and keeping in touch with mates, moaning about how "lame" it all is.

But that doesn't mean that you can't still enjoy a family holiday as they get older and both your tastes and theirs, and abilities to enjoy certain things, change over time. It is just a different holiday to the one you would have had 10 years before that.

And the same can be true of Christmas. Things can change as people mature and change themselves. But not everything has to change, or not all at once at least.

I am still waiting though to be able to produce 2 more stockings, so that it's not just DD who gets one, but DH and I as well (my plan is that each of us puts a couple of small things into the stockings for both others in the house, so we each have something to open on Christmas morning).

3littlemincemeatpies · 07/11/2019 11:12

@BiddyPop your Christmas traditions sound lovely and very similar to how we do things here...

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ArthurtheCatsHumanSlave · 07/11/2019 11:12

My DD was frankly appalled by the idea of a scary fat old man, with a long white beard, creeping around the house and coming in her bedroom. When she was young the stockings stayed by the fireplace, and at around 8 or 9, she started asking questions about Jesus and religion, and different people's beliefs, and FC came under the same banner. She decided it was all nonsense, and that was that!