Have you been in a women's refuge? What did you want as a comfort?

[cultkid]

My dad is big into charity and it's his birthday on December the 2nd.
I want to make some bits up for the kids there, so I planned to buy a pile of advent calendars for the children.
I also want to give some bits to the mums.
Previously I've done things like face masks creams washes and mini toiletries fluffy socks etc

What did you want that was a little comfort when you were there? It will be for his birthday and Christmas present that I want to donate on his behalf.

Thank you

I was in a women’s refuge when I was 12. It was quite boring at times, especially when we first moved in, as we didn’t know anybody there and felt really awkward so pretty much locked ourselves in our room. So I’d definitely second board games and puzzle books. Things like colouring books and crayons, small teddy bears or comfort blankets, bottles, dummies and sterilising tablets may come in handy too. I think that make up/nail varnish/hair dyes will be great (a lot of abusive partners wouldn’t have liked their ex’s putting makeup etc on) some roses or quality street tubs, (perhaps not chocolate licquers, not sure about other refuges, but the one I was in had a very strict no alcohol policy even at Christmas)
Hair bands, clips, scrunchies etc.

I’m a member of my local branch of Soroptimist International and we make up boxes for a local women’s refuge at Christmas
Google your local branch to see if they do similar.

My box is packed ready and contains

Socks
Hair brush
Conditioner
Shampoo
Hand cream
Body lotion
Body wash
Scrunchie
Facepacks 4
Little pack of nail files
Large bar of chocolate
Chocolate orange
Pack of chewy sweets
Sachet of hot chocolate x 4

We then also donate toys/books/colouring books and felt tips/hat, scarf and glove sets/sweets and chocolate etc separately.
The staff then make up stockings for the children

Butterisbest thank you. I really didn’t think it would be that easy.

Just as a warning before you get excited our local refuge is limiting donations this year and all must be in a gift bag, not shoebox. No space for storage. Another is only accepting gift cards. This is Berkshire/Thames Valley region.

So check and please dont be offended if they say no. They do really appreciate the thought but sometimes just dont have the space for them or are overwhelmed by corporate donations.

I left with only a backpack and my baby’s nappy bag so I had very little stuff. I eas wearing a light jacket and really wanted my winter coat and some cardigans. I only had one bra and having to borrow a bra really made me feel awful.
One of the first things I replaced was my make up (I had a lot of Boots points). I think it is important to feel like yourself. When you are in a very vulnerable situation and you feel that people are going to judge you it is important to put a good face on to the world.

A hair dryer would be good. Think of the things that you use every day. You couldn’t bring all of those with you.

I do second the note book idea. You have to plan how to rebuild your life. Some women also keep a diary as evidence for court.

Any thing for babies is needed as pregnant women and new mums are particularly vulnerable to abuse.

Agree with Mog, it is a kind and generous thought but please check with your local refuge what they actually want and can store.

It’s the same with Food Banks, I am involved with our local one, we are inundated with donations at Christmas, we actually run out of storage and are still giving out Christmas puddings at Easter ..... please ask what is required.

Our church is putting together bags for the local woman’s hostel. We’ve been asked to include practical toiletries as well as treats.

My list so far includes:

• shampoo
• conditioner
• shower gel
• toothpaste
• toothbrush
• lip balm
• moisturiser
• slippers/slipper socks/thick fluffy socks
• hair ties/hair band
• hot drinks sachets
• chocolate

I’ll def be adding some of the things from this thread - thank you so much for your suggestions.

to those who have been in refuges in the past - I hope your lives are more settled and secure now.

& for those currently in refuges. I heart goes out to you.

I think this would be cool: a notebook with a pen for lists but with a message of encouragement on the front: www.notonthehighstreet.com/harfieldsdesign/product/you-ve-got-this-a5-lined-notebook?DGMKT=FID__TID_pla-341400291550_PID_766199_CRI_341400291550&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInb2DvIbU5QIVGJzVCh1JSgHhEAQYASABEgI1PPD_BwE

@Bacardi101
I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. How awful for you. You are so brave to leave and go to a safe place 🖤🖤🖤

Also to those other tips re blankets etc great idea.

I have spoken to a lady that I know who works at a refuge I'm not bringing it to the refuge myself
I know where one women's refuge is but you're not meant to just show up with things I don't think. It's very private and nobody should make it public if they know exactly where a refuge is as these women are hiding from abuse.

@SallyAnne89
Marshmallows are a must!

A mindful colouring book and some colouring pens

When I became too ill to work and had to move 100s of miles away, I advertised a load of books and random stuff on freecycle just to be rid. The woman who came to pick it up was staff from a refuge, I often wonder if my random boxes of exercise/nutrition, childcare, and craft books were actually of any use- glad to read this thread and see that maybe it was! I'd love to do something, anything, I now try to always add a few items to the foodbank box when I can afford, I should look more directly and see if I can do something for refuges. There must be some in the area.

Last December I went on some Women’s Aid DV training for HCP’s and the facilitator mentioned they had a woman about to give birth to a baby girl who had left her home without anything which is apparently a fairly common occurrence. So I went to Morrison’s and got a bag of simple baby grows, vests, couple of soft leggings/tops, muslins, etc to take to the WA worker in my workplace so she could pass them on for her.

So perhaps a couple of simple baby clothes in with the kids stuff too? I’m sure lots of women would prefer their new baby to have a few things rather than anything for themselves.

Did lots of my hamper shopping today - our B&M is closing down and I got a ton of stuff half price - really lovely boxes of chocolates, hot chocolate stirrers and some nice toiletries, lip glosses and nail varnishes.

I also discovered these in my present cupboard when I was putting other stuff away though - I bought them earlier this year and have never given them to anyway. I’m not sure if they would be good for a women’s aid hostel though? Would a bath bomb and bath soak actually be useful in a hostel? (Maybe a stupid question but I honestly don’t know if they would have a bath or just showers.)

Any advice from those who know better than me?

Would help if I added the picture - sorry!

We have a charity in our area that I’m involved with that collects donations for needy families, clothes, buggies, toys that sort of things.
For mother’s day they make up gift bags for the mums they are involved wth with smellies etc in. After Christmas they do an appeal for all the unwanted toiletries sets that have been received to make them up! Maybe there is something like this in your area if your not sure that a refuge is the right place for them. Your local food bank might be able to point you in the right direction 🙂

My blanket got me through some serious ptsd. That, a big cuddly dressing gown, my travel mug filled with coffee and lots of hot bubble baths.

You can get bath stuff with arnica in that's soothing on bruises

that's a lovely idea OP
this is going to sound mean, but please don't wrap your donations- staff have to be able to check that they are suitable before handing them over
lots of good ideas here, but I would particularly echo the PP about things for older kids and teenagers, especially boys- including 'male' toiletries

Can I jump in? I just want to get your thoughts as there’s a Good Goddess Project initiative near me which is gathering together handmade presents for the local refuge. Now, I’m ok at crochet and could certainly manage a couple of blankets but my gut feeling was that, as well-intentioned as this is, it might all be a bit...crap? What are people’s thoughts? I’d rather do something for Woolly Hugs and donate something useful if handmade stuff is going to feel a bit, oh I don’t know, not v exciting. Suppose it depends what it is. I think I could manage some bath bombs as well, I’ve got quite a lot of the stuff.

if you head over to the christmas threads, you'll see that handmade gifts divide opinion very dramatically! Personally I'd love a handmade blanket, some people would hate it- and I guess the same range of opinion will exist in a refuge. As a crafter I'm afraid I wouldn't want to put a lot of effort into something I wasn't sure would be welcomed.

Something else you could look into is your local hygiene bank (food bank but for toiletries), my love one works with refuges, shelters and youth facilities.

*local one

ooh, I've never heard of a hygiene bank, that's a good idea