Have you been in a women's refuge? What did you want as a comfort?

[cultkid]

My dad is big into charity and it's his birthday on December the 2nd.
I want to make some bits up for the kids there, so I planned to buy a pile of advent calendars for the children.
I also want to give some bits to the mums.
Previously I've done things like face masks creams washes and mini toiletries fluffy socks etc

What did you want that was a little comfort when you were there? It will be for his birthday and Christmas present that I want to donate on his behalf.

Thank you

That's a lovely idea!

How about making up small Christmas stockings for the children? Doesn't need to be a lot/cost a lot.

For mums, I'd be thinking luxuries - personally not sure about toiletries, as they're often fragrances that people may not like. How about chocolates or nice hot chocolate/coffee - or even a book? You can buy books pretty cheaply from places like The Book People - or try your local charity shop for books that are in good condition?

Incidentally, this is something I've though of before - but how do you find out about your nearest women's refuge?

I have been in one. Ironically many years before, MN ran a terrific Christmas appeal where there was a list at John Lewis and people chose gifts from it.

A few people were perplexed that hair straighteners were on it but it was pointed out that maybe an older girl who had left in a hurry, starting a new school, well - last thing she'd need was to feel rubbish about her hair.

So maybe something along those lines on a different budget. I had some naice soap and toothpaste which made me teary every time I used them to think how kind people can be. Sounds strange maybe but that really helped start my recovery.

Thank you

26 years ago I was in a refuge. We all got a nice bag filled with goodies for Christmas. I got chocolate, scarf & hat set, make up and bath stuff. (Also a coat but that was from a member of staff who had taken to mothering me) They were probably the most appreciated Christmas presents I’ve ever had. Was lovely that people cared.

Our local refuge has asked for make-up, nail
varnish, pjs, bed socks for the mums and each child had listed what they like (eg cars, dinosaurs, stickers).
You can give a gift to a child and the refuge will add hat, scarf, gloves and sweets.

Brilliant and heart breaking. These are anchoring responses, thank you.
I know a lady who works at a women's refuge in the area but I don't really know where it is.
I will bring the items to the Salvation Army for her to collect or give them to her.
Good idea re hot chocolate
What about herbal teas? I'll go get some comfy socks in primark. Do people really need more pointless gifts when a vulnerable woman or children have nothing and want some one tiny creative comfort. I love Christmas don't get me wrong. But I've been really really sick in the last few years and realised stuff means not much. It's security and predictability that is priceless. So for those families who were torn apart an left with nothing .. I want to make something sweet for them.
Thank you for your input cx

I'm in a refuge atm.

I'd echo PP suggestions of nice toiletries, bath bombs etc. I was given a bath bomb and (sorry if this sounds silly) it was almost like being told I could relax now that I was safe?

I was in a group (in Australia) that put together some toiletry bags for a refuge. We were told that women often have to run with nothing, as if from a bushfire, so to buy lots of basic toiletries, toothbrushes, deodorant, shampoo etc. I have never forgotten that image.

@Rosalisa Someone commented on our collection page for the local refuge that it shouldnt have fake tan on. As far as we are concerned anything that makes women and children feel good about themselves is a good thing. And yes it includes hair straighteners and fake tan.

@StartupRepair We always have to include tissues. And I always add sanpro to donated boxes which havent included it. Hearthbreaking.

I took three around on Christmas Eve but despite ringing the bell no one answered. I had been very ill so couldn't take them sooner and didn't want DH to go because it might upset someone. I still have them but plan to take them earlier this year. I bought those filled bags from Boots so that they would have a toiletry bag to keep it all in. I chose trendy ones in case young mums. I thought that local charities probably provide well for children but the mums need some spoiling too.

Great idea to run a thread about it. I will check back and see if I can take anything else to add to them.Wondered if I need to check dates on toiletries? I wrapped them in Christmas paper and took them just before Mass I was disappointed that no one came to the door I expected someone to answer the intercom. I had been here before to drop off a present to a little girl and her mum that had to leave in a hurry. She was thrilled because above everything she wanted to say goodbye to me. They were going to a safe house so I couldn't have contact because it had been compromised before hence the move to the Refuge.
I like the bed socks idea I might get some foot spa type products to go with them.

Would mn do another Christmas thing to support them but perhaps from the somewhere cheaper like amazon or tk max?!

I was very bored and would have loved magazines, books, puzzles. Maybe a cheap kindle would be good

A diary. Nice stationary. Board games.

For kids- stockings, stocking filers, things to do or put in Christmas Eve boxes.

Love all these ideas
So there are 4 children and 16 women
I've done face mask before and nice bits like
Christmas decorations for the rooms and also Easter decorations
I'll get these bits that have been suggested
I was thinking also herbal teas hot choc and long life whipped cream for them to make nice hot choc with in kitchen
Going to get fluffy socks also
What about books?

@cultkid

Don't forget the mini marshmallows!

Sounds lovely though. It's made me feel like I've drunk a few mulled wines. I might need a tissue.

shampoo ,conditioner moisturiser, hat scarf and gloves set. Hot choc in a mug ( I went with literally only some clothes for me and my 12 week old baby)

What a lovely idea. How can you find out about women’s shelters and how to donate?

I've been in a woman's shelter, just for one night, I know many stay longer.
I wanted a pad and pen to start lists and planning but didn't want to 'bother' people. So a notepad and few pens would be my suggestion along with the basic toiletries, San Pro, a book/a puzzle book or something similar. I couldn't sleep, I needed some distraction rather than my own thoughts, a notepad and pen and a book/puzzles would have helped with that. Chocolate/biscuits too - a bit of comfort food.
What a lovely idea, I donate to food banks when I can, I'll never stop being grateful for those ladies and police that night. Maybe something for the staff too? I'm many miles away now but I'd really liked to have been able to show them how much I appreciated what they did for me that night, but I couldn't.

How about filling a reusable shopping bag/canvas tote bag with the goodies you're suggesting

Reusable bags are a must these days so it will be handy in it's own right and there are some lovely ones out there.

I had a load of spare children's gifts (wrong age etc) and adult (nice lipsticks, nail varnish etc, just not my style) a couple of years ago, and googled the local refuge, then emailed to ask. They seemed really happy. I handed them over, by appointment, at the charity office, obviously the refuge itself needs to be kept secret.

I was in a refuge a few years ago and the younger kids got tonnes at Christmas- it was great and was lovely that so many people were so generous.

The favourite presents the mums got were toiletries sets and a local supermarket gave us a massive box of pyjamas in various sizes. We were all in the same ones and joked about orange is the new black but they were a hit. None of us expected anything so the simple stuff made us happy.

I will ask if you’re donating gifts for children please think about stuff for older kids and not just the little ones. Even if it’s not used this Christmas it can be put aside for later on if older children move in at a later date.

This is such a wonderful idea. We have a charity near us that receives referrals for women going into refuges or families in other types of distress, and makes requests via Facebook for donations of things those people need on a just in time basis (they have no storage). At Christmas they do an Amazon wishlist for such families who would otherwise not get any presents. Maybe there is something similar in many parts of the country?

As to what to buy, we are asked for things like pyjamas, essential toiletries, scarf and hat sets - everything people have said already. If it is was me, I would love something just for me, like a pretty notebook or pen set or mug with hot chocolate, maybe a nice travel mug, a pretty purse or bag of some type. Useful but personal items. Books are a great idea too but it is always hard to buy them for someone else I think. If you are going to, I reckon funny ones are a good bet maybe?

MrGsFancyNewVagina
I just put the name of my town and Women's refuge into the search bar, there are quite a few in my town.
This is such a lovely idea op and I'm pleased to have a reminder to do something and not just think about it.
@MNHQ is this an appeal you could consider this year, as suggested up thread.

I am currently in a refuge also and I would have love a blanket a fluffy cry your eyes out and and cuddle into blanket that was mine and as for the my girls we left so much behind so anything would be appreciated from preloved barbie dolls to soft toys to play dough! Thanks for being so thoughtful it’s a really lovely thing to do! X