I don't want to tell you what to buy by DC !!

[imnotinthemood]

Every year my dm will say what shall I buy ds and dd and I usually suggest things . Last year I didn't know for ds ( already bought his gifts ) but my dm kept messaging me saying you've not told me what to buy him yet .
In the end I said pyjamas and chocolates but it annoyed me. It's so hard to think of nice things my dc and the rest of the family like so it's quite annoying my dm wants me to tell her what to buy .
Already dm has mentioned the C word and said tell me what to buy . The trouble is ds has special needs so is really not interested in presents all he is interested in is chocolate.
To think just choose a nice gift isn't that the point ?

I actually really appreciate being asked so I know he will have something he will enjoy/I don't mind having in the house lol. Maybe she is trying to be considerate and not annoy you by getting him something you don't think he needs? Have you told her she is free to choose something herself?

I like being asked, it means they will get something they actually like/want/need.
Each child in our family/extended family have an Amazon wish list that we add to and update throughout the year, that way we don't need to ask what children want, we can just get on and order it.

My DGran always gave us a nightie ,a jumper and a bag of pick'n'mix Quality Street .
Things that were useful and sweets

You can always hide some to 'ration' them a bit .

Just steer her away from drum-kits . !!

Totally with you OP. My MIL is lovely but it stretches beyond the DC even to what DH would like. Drives me batty, I spend ages trying to think of fun, clever presents for my family and then end up giving the ideas away.

I loathe Christmas lists though - was brought up to believe that half the joy is in giving someone a present that you've put effort into, rather than ticking off a shopping list.

I ask and prefer to be asked - it means I don't need to worry about yet more unwanted shit lying around :o

Most of my family are really good at sticking to it thankfully.

DP's side is in charge of money/vouchers as they live hours away, my Mum is incharge of the random gift that they always ask for at the last minute as that's when she prefers to shop. My Gran and Grampa are in charge of new onesies, selection boxes and usually some random surprise :o

Could you encourage her to buy pjs and a choc Santa for both dc every year? That way neither of you have to think up something new each year.

I'd be pleased she really wants to get it right and also pleased it won't be tat they don't want. Just give the woman a list.

Yes I've said many times please choose something . My dd is not so bad it's my ds who really isn't interested in Christmas. I've even said ds will be happy with a selection box but that's not enough apparently.
It was just last year my dm kept on insisting I tell her and got quite annoyed that I wouldn't give her much idea . I just find that part of Christmas hard thinking of nice gifts but now I've got to do it for my family too .
The amazon idea my dm is not very good with the internet .
My son has special needs so it's not as if I can ask him what he'd like .

It drives me nuts to Op.
It's like they can't be bothered to know the kids enough to even buy something they would vaguely like.

I think its helpful when GPs ask. TBF they don't always know what kids have, what you / others are giving and it's avoids waste.

Given she is asking now, how about suggesting a winter jacket or boots , t-shirts rather than pjs.

Would he like something like a trip out ? I've done that for my GCs and it has gone down well.
Maybe a trip to Cadbury World ?

What about a day out or annual passes for somewhere local/suitable?

Would she contribute towards a bigger present if either of your children wanted a bigger thing?

I think people are damned if they do and damned if they don't ask.

I do appreciate her and others asking but my dm has sometimes pulled her face when I've been vague. I think she wants me to be exact .
You have given me ideas though so thank you I'm going to suggest certain clothing or shoes .
I get telling people what to buy if you have a list of what they want but I don't .

maybe she doesn't want to give a gift he won't use or isn't right? better that you give her an idea on things that will be used than her waste her money.

does he like sensory things? any particular interests she could buy something for each year? a bit different but I buy my girls a snowglobe every year for them to display in their room. maybe something like that, she can start a special collection which she can add to every year, he gets a keepsake and you don't have to keep coming up with new ideas!

I wish my MiL would ask instead of getting a load of crap every year.

Oh I hate that. More mental load for you, no effort from them.

My dm took it to the next level by insisting on a list of several ideas to choose from, with notes of which shop to buy from, and no one else could buy from the list as she refused to let anyone know what she’d bought. And then she’d buy something close to one of the ideas, but not quite it - like buying me the 20-year-old dvd set rather than the modern remake I’d asked for.
And then I was supposed to produce ideas for all 5 of us, for her, and another lot of ideas for MIL. Drove me batty.

• excursion on the polar express (with pyjamas for the occasion
• a natural history museum/science museum sleepover with new pyjamas
• host a pyjama party

• trip to cadbury world
• trip to the Lindt factory
• chocolate-making class/kit
• monthly chocolate subscription
• trip to Mexico where chocolate originated

Ps don't start a collection/collecting Hoby if you can possibly help it - you'll never hear the end of it.

Jelly babies that is bonkers, not sure how you deal with that. Most people have a very limited want list.

Start thinking about it differently if it's hard to buy fun things for your ds then ask for things you need for example a selection box (what he wants) and a new lunchbox or some jumpers or whatever he needs. Better for her and others to give a practical gift that will be used than spend time and money picking something he doesn't want and will not be used!

If she's still not happy then by all means YANBU to stop giving ideas.

*hobby!

Would something useful to help with his needs be good? Like maybe some coloured lights or a lava lamp for a sensory corner, or soft fluffy blanket/throw in bright colours (or muted colours), or play putty with different smells etc.

A toy that might help with developing skills he needs - it might be aimed at younger DCs but appropriate for his personal stage. (Like a "tie your own shoelaces" game aimed at 4-6 YOs but might be needed for other DCs aged much older when they develop enough strength and motor skills to work on their own shoelaces).

Or just tell her "no", you have enough to do sorting out daily life for them both, she needs to think about it herself.

I quite like being asked too, or at least informed so that we don’t end up with duplicate/similar presents. It’s also helpful to be asked because people can get things that go together. E.g dd is having lots of barbie toys for her birthday that will all be played with together, but they have been bought by various family members.

We run it as...
MILs relatives ask her. She has an list if ideas for them.
DMs relatives ask her. She has a list
I coordinate the ideas in the middle.

It works for us as DDs have loads of relatives that like getting them presents (and they don't get much from us so they don't get overwhelmed).

But it's ideas not specific items usually. I might say dressing gown and get links to a couple to chose from from an Aunt, but I don't need to specify more than that.

I wonder if the is a generic thing you can fall back on with her - a new jumper and PJs sounds useful, or would she get vouchers for xyz shop knowing that he will need something from there at some point in the year?