I don't want to tell you what to buy by DC !!

[imnotinthemood]

Every year my dm will say what shall I buy ds and dd and I usually suggest things . Last year I didn't know for ds ( already bought his gifts ) but my dm kept messaging me saying you've not told me what to buy him yet .
In the end I said pyjamas and chocolates but it annoyed me. It's so hard to think of nice things my dc and the rest of the family like so it's quite annoying my dm wants me to tell her what to buy .
Already dm has mentioned the C word and said tell me what to buy . The trouble is ds has special needs so is really not interested in presents all he is interested in is chocolate.
To think just choose a nice gift isn't that the point ?

I just think of clothes they need, coats, shoes or get the kids to create an amazon wish list 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know some people like being asked, but I’m with you OP.

My parents see my dc all the time so it’s not like they are far away and out of touch with what they’re into.

I find it quite hard to think of ideas and feel it is part of the gift and part of the present buying to take the time to think what they would like. Fine to then check with me they haven’t got it, or for people godparents etc that we don’t see very often and want some guidance.

I know I should just be grateful that dc have grandparents to buy for them but it is very annoying when I have struggled to come up with ideas then need to give all those ideas to family because they haven’t got any of their own.

It also then ends in me saying I’ve got this already, just give me the money if you prefer (which they do).

I feel the same when they ask me what I want, or what DH wants (and he’s really hard to buy for so I’m lucky if I’ve got one idea!)

There’s also a mum of one of my dds best friends who always asks me when dds birthday party or outing is coming up. Our dds are 11 and I feel her daughter could just ask my dd and probably has a better idea what she would like then me!

This drives me mad too. On the one hand I am glad of the opportunity to make sure we don’t end up with a load of tat but on the other hand I’m expected to think of presents for our dc from dh parents, dh brother, dsd, my mum, my dad and step mum and of course from myself and dh as well. It’s gets very tiresome especially as dc birthdays are close together, and if I ask dh for any ideas I usually just get a blank look.

They probably just want to make sure they get him something he is interested in or to make sure it's not a duplicate. People used to buy my children things that they were too old or young for or just things that weren't really them.
But I understand it's hard and I'd they are told what to get him they haven't really put any thought into it which I think is the nice part of present giving. . Can you just tell her the type of things he likes eg he likes red clothes not black or spiderman not the hulk, that sort of think then let her choose something from that.

If he's not interested in anything but chocolate and you've bought him plenty of other presents, could she just buy him a selection box so he has something to open and then either put the money she would have spent into a savings account, or buy him premium bonds instead, so that it builds into a nest egg for when he is older?

That to me would seem to be a much better use of the money than stuff that he may not want/need/appreciate.

This whole thing gets out of hand. What starts out as asking for ideas ends up as a shopping list wish list. Very grabby. Then you go off piste and it is made very clear you have bought the wrong thing. I have too many grandchildren for all this rubbish

But ConfusedBeetle, that's not the case here - OP is not giving a wish list demanding certain things - the DGM is demanding a list with specific ideas and there are very few things that the DGC actually wants/needs but the OP is put under pressure to give the list to her DM, when she already has given ideas and has no more. The exact OPPOSITE of your situation.

I think it's impossible to win here. I used to get annoyed by this, too. I felt like I had to give all my best ideas to the kids' grandmothers. But I'm going to be on the other end of this soon. And I don't want to be duplicating or giving inappropriate gifts, or ones it turns out that they don't like.

I suppose that these days I could message while I'm shopping and send a photo of things that I see to check they're suitable? Maybe that's a suggestion/compromise for other grandparents?

After years of my lovely mum buying random crap for my kids that was broke/ thrown away / taken to charity shop , my mum has started asking . She needs the guidance unfortunately!

Sorry OP, I think it's nice to ask especially if you have a child who wouldn't like the usual "safe bets" for children their age, and no one but parents really know what they have and haven't got.

Fleecy PJs or slippers, or a hoody, or a wheat bag microwaveable hottie with some chocolate maybe? Sometimes GPs get my slightly less inspired ideas .

I have a spreadsheet with all the stuff I think DD will like, people who buy her presents are told what's on there and then their names go against it on the spreadsheet.

I don't get why you wouldn't want to be asked, much better than DC getting tat or something they really aren't interested in.

(Just to clarify, no one else knows about the spreadsheet and I don't tell people what to buy, unless the ask)

Makemethin you are a genius

Makemethin - I do the same except mine is in word and I highlight once I've bought stuff. The clouds make it so easy access on phone and tablet. I keep note of the December birthdays on there too. I generally start my list in Feb or March, just jotting down ideas throughout the year.

I much prefer to be asked it means dd gets things she's interested in and not anything random. Mil is generally very good at gift buying and knows what dd is into as dd spends alot of time with her. Bil on the other hand is unfortunately clueless 😂 so always asks I generally have a few ideas aside for Bil.

It's better they ask usually, otherwise you end up with a house full of tat nobody wants (or naice wooden objects nobody wants), or duplicates.

Before my parents and in-laws started asking my mother would buy books which we already have or which were miles away from the children's taste/ too young for them and my mil would buy vast quantities of plastic toys - usually things the children did like, or on a theme they liked, but so much they were overwhelmed when younger.

Now the children are older it's easy to buy exactly the wrong version of something if you're not exact.

My kids are polite and express thanks but it's really crap if you only have a very small extended family and generous grandparents spend £50+ on something you really don't want, which takes up space and you can't give to the charity shop in case they want to see it...

I was given some absolute corkers of terrible presents as a child (along the lines of Ralphie's pink rabbit suit in 'A Christmas Story' and expected to "perform" gratitude for extended periods and write long thank you letters extolling the virtues of the enormous bloomers, full length polyester nightdress with ditching, or lacy handkerchief monogrammed with someone else's initials... It's even worse when the same person sends your sibling something that they do want - like chocolate

So I'd rather people ask, and I ask for the children I buy for too.

I literally just stopped on all this.
It got ridiculous.
What can I buy all the dc. What can I buy dh? What can I buy you? What can I get for my own sister? Can you get it for me?
One of the many things that sucked the joy out of Xmas for me.

I always preferred being asked for ideas. Least then the children get something they want and not a duplicate etc.
As is the norm in our family we just set up amazon wish lists, including links to other shops and just general idea notes on there, and if anyone asked we sent them a link. We still do it, as does everyone in the family. Takes all stress off.

It cant be that difficult. Just choose some clothes or shoes for him. Even if they are the next size up. Or ask for a season pass to your local zoo. Or set up a bank account for your son and ask her to buy a token gift of chocolate and pay the rest into that for his future.

The whole thing is a nonsense. My sister does this and it drives me mad. She wants a link to the gift too not just a vague idea. My SIL is also annoying because she just buys rubbish.

There's no good solution. Either it's mental load or its bags of shite.

All the older members of my family (I'm an only child, so read: all of them) have checked out of buying presents entirely. I just get given the money in October and told to go shopping, so I have to do the thinking, buying, wrapping and transporting of presents to their houses so that they can give them to the dc on Christmas day.

It is kind of ridiculous, but I don't really mind. They probably did all this for me when I was little. And shopping gets harder with age and the dc are more likely to get something they'll like/I'm willing to give house room to.

I asked my son and DIL last year if there was anything they wanted .me to buy, they replied they needed a car seat, I got them that and also went overboard in the 3 4 2 toy sales, I was planning to do the same again this year ... I won't now ... i didn't know I was doing the wrong thing ... this grand parenting thing is bloody hard work :-(

I'd much rather this than them being given something that just isn't right... and being a total waste of money. I usually gather a list of ideas and send them when asked so mil is still choosing but it's from a list of stuff dc have suggested or which I know they'd like.

Same for DH.

OP I'm in 2 minds about how I feel about this. We have a large family on DH's side and they all buy for our DC. On the run up to Christmas I will have around 9 separate people texting me relentlessly 'what shall we get for DC'.
It is beyond irritating. Our DC are very lucky and have lots of lovely things so its hard to keep thinking of more and more 'things' for them. I spend so much time trying to decide what other people are going to buy. SO much mind space! (I have requested clothes/vouchers in the past but oh no they have to buy actual stuff - don't get me started I could rant all day).
On the other hand if they ask I have some control over what is bought and I can recommend things I know I have room for/would be played with. If I don't they will honestly buy the biggest most inconvenient toys known to man.
Its a catch 22 for me.