I don't mean to sound ungrateful but...

[Bellabutterfly2016]

My mum has 2 sisters and 1 of them is notoriously bad at gift buying. She is extremely wealthy and has no money worries whatsoever.

This year she got my mum and the other sister a Clarins giftset - nice but randome as neither of them buy Clarins ordinarily. I know she uses it herself.

She had obviously spent over £50, qualified for the "free gift" and decided it was somehow acceptable to give this to me (I'd seen these in boots/ John Lewis) as my gift. I don't use Clarins either.

My partner got a £20 voucher as did my daughter and I got the free sample crap of stuff I'd never in a million years use anyway!!!!!!!

We got her and her husband book tokens as they love reading and some fancy biscuits for a bit of something to open. We have considerably less money than them but I always try to make sure I get something nice for her.

For my birthday I got size 12-14 pyjamas from M&S (I'm a good 18!) I took them back to M&S to get some to fit and was told when I wanted to exchange them that the stock was 3 years old they were worth £1.99!!! She is a 12-14 herself so I'm thinking it's an unwanted gift she's recycling!

I dont mean to sound ungrateful but I'm extremely peed off with this!!!

My mum was saying yesterday "have you written your thankyou cards"! And to be honest I'm that mad about these bloody free samples I'm not sure I want too! I feel like posting them back to her for her birthday In January!!!!!!

AIBU here? My Mum was almost sweeping the issue under the carpet but I just feel really hurt by it - I feel like I want to say something to her.

Sorry but YABU, you're an adult. I don't know how you can care what an obviously eccentric/cheapskate/weird old aunt has given you. If you don't have the money to be giving her book tokens and biscuits then just don't do it. She's ignored social etiquette with gift giving so you just do the same.

Tell her u can't use product she bought u and ask for gift receipt to enable u to return it and get something u can use

Some of the gifts you get with Clarins etc are quite good actually- some full size products. Doesn’t make me like Clarins though.

Book tokens probably don’t show the most thought if she can afford to buy herself a library each year. Can you get her a book you know she’ll like with a personal message? Maybe that will make her think more about your present rather than wrapping up tat...

Yes, stop giving her thoughtful presents. Especially if you can’t afford it. You can only change your own behaviour. I don’t think how wealthy she is or isn’t should come into it really.

Some people are not interested in gift giving or receiving.

In future, buy her stuff from the charity shop, or save a few 'free gift' items of your own. She probably won't even mind. You could save the pjs and gift them.back. turn it into a running joke in your head.

Your actual gifts were crap anyway, but just cost you money you can't afford, which is why it winds you up.

Does she write you a thank you card?

Like hoki says, why are you even wasting brainspace on this cheapskate? The problem for her is that if she was brought up in a poor family, that mentality never leaves you. You never adjust mentally to your newfound wealth, and always feel the need to save the pennies!

Book tokens and biscuits is hardly that thoughtful is it.

Just forget about it?

I think the issue here is not the gifts but the obvious way in which it’s been done. I don’t think regifting, or free gifts, is wrong in itself if it’s somethinv the person likes, but you should absolutely ensure the recipient doesn’t realise.

I think you should have been honest about the pjs at the time “the pjs are lovely but unfortunately I’m not a 12-14. Just in case you’re ever buying me clothes again, wouldn’t want you to waste your money as I’m afraid I found I couldn’t return them!”

How do you know what her money worries are? Half the “wealthy” people I know have £20k credit card debts because they spend money on overpriced brands, everything from toiletries to cars, to keep up appearances.
You’re an adult, the gift you received wasn’t something you would use. Send the pjs to a charity shop and offer the toiletries to your sister since they “don’t agree with your skin”.
And just let it ride. Does it really matter?

Has she always been this mean toward you but not your other sister??? It sounds like you get the worst side of her.

It's a bit harsh to say the gifts OP bought were crap ! I would ask the Aunt for the receipt to exchange the PJ s as they don't fit and see how she reacts. Sell the Clarins on e bay and buy something you want . Your aunt is probably well off because she is very frugal!

Who writes thankyou letters these days, send a text, has Auntie thanked you?
Goes both ways!

I'd cut back what you spend on them next year.

What is she like otherwise? Do you have a nice relationship with her?

Some people are just awful at gifts. But they can be very loving in other ways. Have you heard of the concept of different love languages ? It sounds like gifts might be one of the ways you feel loved, and she might be better at expressing affection in another way?

On the other hand if you feel that she gives you crap gifts to make a point or upset you, then your best course of action is to take no notice!

I love Clarins and would be delighted with any of those presents.

They would have been expensive too. She's not a cheapskate!
Not a great present chooser though.

If someone gave me a token and biscuits I'd think they hadn't put much thought into it either - and I'm an avid reader.

Ok, the pyjamas were rubbish but I really don’t get the angst over free gift presents or Boots 3 for 2 type things. Surely the idea is that your gift may have been free but the cost is averaged over all the gifts they bought. The whole point of offers like that is so you can get more gifts for you money (or yes, treat yourself but loads of people cannot afford to do that at Christmas).

Unless you have seen all her financial details you really don’t know her money situation.

Hmm the PJ’s were a perfect opportunity to say ‘sorry Aunty... I love them but need a 16-18 (minimum) I tried to exchange them but there was some confusion over them no longer being in stock? If you have the receipt I’m sure they’ll let me swap for another similar pair though?”

Now she wouldn’t have had a receipt and by what you’ve said I don’t imagine she’d have been devestated level of embarrassment but it may have stuck a spoke in her regifting mission!

Of course it’s irritating to get the free gift when other family are getting the actual gift. And I would be pissed off to be ‘reminded’ about thank you cards.

Genuinely I would broach this closer to Christmas next year and say you won’t be buying gifts for her. Or simply don’t get her anything/a very small token gift like a poinsettia

PJs are her next year Xmas present obviously?

I wouldn't bother with a thank you but I'd try and not be upset.

‘Who writes thank you letters these days?’ - lots of people do, although perhaps not on Mumsnet looking at the wedding gift thread.

I received a couple of presents in the post from people I don’t see at Christmas and I will write a proper thank you letter and I will ensure my teenage DS writes thank you letters to relatives who send him presents at Christmas, not to those he can thank in person.

But I think you are overthinking the gifts, not everyone gives ‘good gifts’, why not gently suggest it’s time to stop exchanging presents, or make a donation to charity?

Just stop giving Christmas presents to adults.

She doesn’t owe you a present. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, as I heard someone say. Just cool it off with her and tell your Mum you won’t say thanks as you don’t want to encourage more gifts. (I think the Clarins was decent though free).

You're overthinking this a LOT

Next year get her something for £2.50 from B & M

I'd do a thank you card anyway because that's what I do

Jobs a good un

I just read properly that you are the niece and the other gifts are for her sisters. I would 100% knock on the head the gift buying. She can buy for her sisters but extending it out to adult nieces does become a bit daft.

I had an Aunty who used to enter every competition in magazines and sign up for multiple pension quotes. Every year we would get the most random selection of inappropriate gifts. My brother would get an actual bought gift as the freebies were considered more suitable for wee girls.

Once gift giving becomes a chore, give it up

Just seen that your family (i.e. daughter and partner) got £40 of vouchers from her between them. That doesn’t seem too stingy to me.

Save the Clarins stuff for her next birthday Christmas present, especially if she uses the stuff, save yourself some money too, as well as making a point.