I hate Christmas

[Tills85]

Does anyone else feels the same? When for most people Chsistmas is a happy time I struggle to get through this time of year and can't wait for it to be over. I don't have family around as tgey live far away and so it is only me and my DS, 6. Don't get me wrong I still do everything to make Christmas special & exciting for him but I have to try to pretend im enjoying it. Getting messages of have a lovely christmas, watching peoples instagram, happy families, big dinners, board games... i wake up with a huge anxiety feeling & pray for the day to be over as soon as possible. I can't watch vhristmas films, or listen to christmas songs. I have not done any food shopping yet and a thought of doing it today makes me so angry i want to cry. The hardest part is watching people in love. I know i should be happy becauae i have my DS with me and im not on my own but i am. Once he goes to bed I am. But evven when he's up there's certain things, attention, love your child can"t give you and i crave it so much. Is anyone else on tge same boat?

I think maybe your biggest way to help ease this anxiety is by leaving out the Instagram and focus on what makes you and DS happiest.

You say you don’t want to do a good shop? Then don’t! Have a pancake Xmas day, a freezer grab or eat crisps for the entire day.

If you wanted to play a board game then play one with ds, make it a mini tournament, with a victory dance for the winner.

If you like tv then there’s some great films and stuff to watch on Xmas day, I think zog is on Xmas day (but might be Boxing Day)

You need to think of the things that make you and ds happy- at the end of the day these ‘instagram’ posts are snapshots of someone’s life.... and quite frankly if they have all this time to Instagram it then they can’t be enjoying it all that much. I have very few pictures or videos of my christmasses as I am waist deep in wrapping paper, trying to sort out a family disagreement about the way parsnips should be cooked, playing mario kart for the washing up and getting stuck into the Prosecco at 10am.

Find your thing, it might be going for a walk or playing ludo all day, or spending the evening with a book and wine, or a new lush bath bomb when ds has gone to bed- make it special to you

Even watching people in love, you are only seeing what they want you to see. Make a plan for next year- if it is love and companionship that you would like then make a list of things you are prepared to do to get to that goal.
Make 2019 about you, because you are fabulous and deserve it

What is it that you don't like about Christmas? If you know what it is could you work around it?

Its not about the instagram its one of the things. My anxiety and sadness startd around October with all the christmas hype is starting. All things you said I don't want to do none of this makes me happy. I want to fall asleep & wake up after it is all over and no one mentions the c word for another 10 months.
I did everything with my ds that everyone else did - took him for days out, did some christmassy things at home, put decorations up, got all the presents he wanted etc. He's very excited. But i feel like the worst mother because I do not enjoy any of it. Everything makes me cry and they are not happy tears.

Just reread your post. What about if you go away with him so you are doing something different.
As pp put, pictures only show what people want them to show. It doesn't tell the whole story.

I crave love but i got screwed over badly on few occasions and the thought of letting another person do it makes me sick.

Its the lonileness, is people asking oh what did you get? And i couldn't care less about material things but its the fact you're not important enough to anyone to get you anything is the hard bit.

Sending virtual hugs
I know what you mean about people asking what you got for Christmas. I have dh but we don't buy for each other and I get sick of people asking that.
How do you feel when it's not Christmas? Maybe going to the gp for support about your anxiety? I did in the past and it really helped - once I was ready to admit I needed help.

I hate it too OP, it's the worst time of year

I also have SAD which compounds it

this year I have an excuse to ignore well wishers as I lost my dad less than 2 months ago, so mum and I just need to get through the day. I was thinking to start a thread for people who need cheering chat on the day, but I'm not sure how mum will be so can't start it really.

I have suffered with depression and anxiety in the past but i don't like taking tablets and counselling is not for me. Most of the year i keep it all together, i work full time and do overtime on the 2 days my ds is not with me. But this time of year is awful. 5 years ago i went through a very bad break up with his father, who emotionally abused me. It all came crashing around christmas. Since then i get this awful feeling of anxiety, fear something bad will happen. I hate everything around me, i hate people, lights, music, all the christmas crap that comes with it. Its hard because people really don't get it, for many if you're down or tired christmas is time that cheers people up. Not me

Tills can I also send you a virtual hug?

I just wanted to say I really do empathise. Christmas has not always been the best time of year for me, for various reasons. And the constant stream of images of big happy families doesn’t help at all.

But honestly? What you describe sounds like chronic anxiety - and Christmas is so ‘full on’ it can only make the symptoms worse. The thing is though, you don’t have to keep struggling on alone, because anxiety really is treatable. I know you say you don’t like taking tablets but what if you see them as a short term way to get you on the path to feeling better? And you say counselling is not for you, but have you only ever tried one counsellor? Like every profession, there are some amazing counsellors out there, but also lots of not so good ones. And you really have to click with one to actually get to the root of your problems.

I really think you need to reconsider talking to your GP about how you move forward. It doesn’t have to be tablets. You could also ask about counselling, or maybe just google low cost counselling in your area? You really don’t have to struggle on like this

I also just wanted to say, despite everything you’ve been through and how bad you’re feeling, you have still managed to make your DC excited and happy about the Christmas YOU have made for him, which means you are a fabulous mum and are already much stronger than you realise.

I'm going through the motions too. Trying to make it special for my 3 yr old DD. But I had a stillbirth on Christmas Day so it's terribly hard.

We have to focus on what we do have, not what we don't.

I just came to say hi. I have a partner and two kids and some family. I still feel like you do. I don't know what it is about Christmas not social media for me as i don't use it, it just makes me feel really sad. I do it all for the kids but it all feels a bit fake. I miss my mum. I can't handle times you are "meant" to be happy. I feel really lonely.

Thinking of you- the festive season will be over soon enough for everyone who finds it hard x

You’re working so hard to give your DS a magical happy Christmas and succeeding, despite how sad you feel. That kindness and thoughtfulness is an amazing thing. Well fucking done, because that’s not easy.

Join the club, I'm counting down the hours until December 27 when it's all over. My DS is 14 & earlier this year he decided to leave home by stealth to live with his dad, he didn't speak to me for almost 2 months, no communication whatsoever. We are both going to my parents for Christmas dinner but then he wants to go home to his dad's. I'm on my own my partner died nearly 4 years ago, I can't cope with seeing all the happy couples & families, it just reminds me of what I've lost. I've filled the fridge with loads of food & once Christmas dinner is over I'm coming home, locking the door & I'm just going to eat, sleep & watch trash on television, I'm not answering to anyone, just getting through the next few days as best I can. January can't come quick enough for me.

Thank you this means a lot.
Private counselling is out of question as i am a single mumwithout any financialsupport from dad. Time is also anissue as my family is far away, ex only having ds for 2 nights of which i work late to make ends meet. I normally am ok i came to terms my anxiety is permanent but sometimes it just gets too much x

Sorry to hear that. Hope you're ok x

All your comments really mean a lot thank you so much x

I don't celebrate Christmas, it's not that it makes me sad, I'm not a Christian and it doesn't appeal to me.

Your son will remember Christmas with you as special whatever you do.

What you can't have is the perfect family get together that you see on TV and no body ever really has IRL.

There was an episode of 'Men behaving badly' that jumped between the idealised Xmas with them drinking mulled wine and singing around a piano with the reality of going to the pub, coming home to find the oven had not been turned on so the turkey was still raw.

So you can't magic a big family and the fairytale ut you can make your own traditions and you can make them about you and your ds.

I very well might have a kebab delivered on the 25th. A friend of my parents who is Christian and religious will have a shepherds pie, eaten alone because that is her favorite food and after church she wants the day to herself.

What do YOU actually enjoy? What is your favorite food?

Make some new traditions of your own whether it is taking hot chocolate to the park or eating cereal or watching horror films (after ds is in bed).

As a society we put so much pressure on people to have this fantastic huge day, it's not the same in every part of the world.

If you want to be with other adults then think about how you can do that, not this year, but next. It might be volunteering (could be difficult until your son is older) going away for Xmas, I know that's not cheap but it can be reasonable if you stay in the UK or something different.

Hi, another one here. I have a dh and three dc but I suffered a late loss (3 years ago) and this always plays on my mind at this time of year (sorry to hear about your loss Flambola). I have a massively dysfunctional extended family to the point that I am only in contact with one family member (and not very much) and unfortunately I tend to get quite reflective and morose about it all at this time of year. I go through the motions for the dc but really, I just feel like it will be a massive relief when it is all over - at the moment I feel tense and irritable and it feels like massive pressure is hanging over me. I dislike New Years Eve too.

I have to say I didn't expect such a response when writing this post. I didn't realise so many people struggle emotionally at this time of year. I think it makes harder that you can't admit to id to most of people without being frowned upon. I work in a big workplace, we had secret santa, staff night out, decorating the workplace, advent calendars , christmas jumper day, etc. Each of those days i just wanted to call in sick but obviously thats not possible. Explaining to people you don't enjoy christmas is hard because unless you're tge same you will not understand. Tv is another thing no matter what you put on it is all about christmas since October. I have not had my tv on for weeks unless its netflix and i can watch what i chose. I don't think this Christmas anxiety gets enough coverage, attention because it would simply put a damper on all the fun happy christmas stuff...
Thank you guys, i really appriciate all your comments. Hope we can all get tgrough this time and can find some happiness in it. All the best xx

Hi everyone,
I'm on my own this year, DC with dad and I can't face sad dysfunctional family so rock or a hard place, first one alone. It's non stop work hairdresser shops, well meaning people asking what you're doing, who with then hearing about perfect big families happy families and just wanting to cry but instead having to lie and put a smile on.

OK just an idea, and it is quite early so may not be a good one.

How about a virtual meet up on here? we can either be miserable or we can pretend to be the extended family portrayed on TV.

We can nominate our favorite classics thread, play virtual board games, or at least Mornington Crescent.

I can do a pretty good impression of the maiden aunt who has to be invited because otherwise people will fso I turn up, get drunk and make inappropriate comments.

I hate Christmas too. The expense is obscene, it makes me feel physically sick. I buy decent gifts for people and in return they buy us expensive rubbish that gets taken to the charity shop in January. It’s exhausting rushing around trying to do the shopping and baking and clean the house, post the cards, wrap the gifts, etc. And on top of that we have to put up with DH’s awful family every fucking year. I have to be polite to MIL and resist smacking the old cow in the face. I have to prevent DH’s nephew from damaging the furniture, put away all my nice ornaments and even move my coffee table and bring out an old one. It’s miserable and I wish it was over.

Isn’t it odd how Christmas, which is at least partly rooted in the story of the nativity has turned into a tyranny of jumper wearing, all-singing, lights-flashing enforced fake jollity?
We take a story about a girl struggling with an illegitimate pregnancy, who risks a long journey with her dh in the late stages presumably because staying home without his protection isn’t an option, is shunned by his family and their friends in his home town and ends up homeless, giving birth with animals, only to then have to go on the run from a homicidal king and leave behind everything to raise a child as a refugee in another country.

I grew up in a hypocritical religion that marginalized unmarried mothers in the name of a god whose birth was the opposite of respectable. How did Christmas come to be enforced family time when the subtext of the first Christmas is about nightmare relations? Why is Christmas supposed to be perfect when the first Christmas was about everything that could go wrong going wrong and then some?

This isn’t a “true meaning of Christmas”post. It’s not for me to dictate what it should be for anyone. But I do want to point out that it is a weird mass illusion that many, many people create. I don’t know anyone that genuinely has a media worthy Christmas experience. But I see lots and lots of pretending, muddling along, making the best of it and ignoring the worst. I see lots and lots of women making it magical for their children, looking worn and frazzled themselves.

I don’t think you’re at all unusual. Actually I think people who genuinely love everything about Christmas are probably in the minority. Also, as a general rule, people ime tend to avoid engaging with sadness or depression and will always minimize or jolly you along (year round) and we live in a culture that prioritizes appearances and a “fine thank you” veneer.

I understand your financial concerns about counseling but I think it’s absolutely vital to find someone that you can be honest about your feelings with. The Samaritans were absolutely fabulous for me at one time in my life. Being able to speak openly without being closed down is vital for good health. It’s just weird that our society forces us to do it secretly behind closed doors.

But that’s really my point- that our society is a bit weird. And Christmas, when you really look at it, is basically society-wide weirdness in full swing.