MIL at Christmas

[tilder]

I don't have a good relationship with MIL. FIL is lovely. We are hosting this year. I just want everyone, kids in particular, to have a great Christmas.

The messages tonight made me cry. I don't want her in my house, but she will be staying for 3 nights next week.

Any tips for rising above? Apart from gin.

Can't wait
Me me me! It was tickly.

I love the bingo suggestion, we are going to my dm next Saturday for 4 nights, she is a nightmare... So now dh and I are going to spend this week writing a list out!!

I announced proudly to the mums group at kids sport last week that I had successfully disentangled myself from 85% of extended family Xmas events this year. The reactions told quite the story. Half were very envious, half pitied me.

My strategy in recent years has been to go all out hosting something big every 2nd year (so I get to set the stage, and disappear off organising things), alternated with being ‘far too busy with...’ to attend most stuff on the other years. I also manage to include people outside the family as much as possible- it does put repeat-offenders on better behaviour.

Sadly this year SIL has had a late victory, it seems we’re all expected to schlep 2 hours (each way) to a park for a Boxing Day lunch. I’m ‘down for’ bringing a ham to feed 22, apparently. Ham sammiches it is then. That’s what happens when you do an end run around me to DH. His hearing’s not the best.

I find standing the other side of the wall/ door and giving her the middle finger helps
A LOT! We only have the pleasure for one day but it's enough

MiL is coming on 23 Dec for 4 nights, it's our turn this year (we alternate with BiL).

She's not a bad person, just not very self aware. I find conversation much easier now I've realised that she actually just wants to talk at you rather than have a to and fro. Now I just detach a bit and do the smile and nod.

Also taking breaks from her helps, things like taking a walk to the shop to get something essential, going for a run etc.

MIL is arriving on Friday for 5 nights. I already know she’ll complain about our hot water tap (needs a plug in kettle), our milk (needs skimmed), our bread (needs sourdough), our jack & jill guest bathroom (that she needs to share), our teabags (needs caffeinated).

Then there’s the bitterness about 1) the neighbours, who are apparently “all colours of the sun” (no idea why that’s relevant) 🙄, 2) the people who voted for Brexit (and “ruined” both a. her pension pot and b. the exchange rate for her forthcoming cruise).

She also dominates my kitchen, uses every single freaking pot/pan/plate (and the cook doesn’t do the dishes). She also smokes (outside), which I find revolting, as adding perfume and brushing teeth afterwards just causes a more flowery stink! When we’re out and about, she refuses to smoke “on the go”, as it looks “common”, so I think we’re expected to stand around in the freezing cold and inhale her fumes (I never do).

And if there’s a moment of silence, she fills it!! Luckily I have a baby and toddler, so can escape regularly to tend to them. She doesn’t ever consider that after putting the kids to bed, I may want to sit in silence and watch the tv/read.

Phew that made me feel better writing it all out 😂 I’m doing bingo and spelling game!!

Mine was actually really nasty to me yesterday. 'Luckily' we live

Sorry no idea how that posted! 'Luckily' she lives nearby so doesn't have to stay with us, but we do have to spend time with her on Christmas Day and I can't think of anything worse.

Oh yes, self-diagnosed food intolerances are a thing here. Recently she has decided she is lactose intolerant, to add to her 'sensitivity' to mushrooms and fungi products (inc Quorn).

My PIL's are long dead, but my poor husband may have to put up with my parents. He might get lucky though, they currently hate me!

My father is the main problem. On my bingo card (which I will actually make!) there will be;

-refusing to sit down. Ever. Seating arrangements will be sneered at.
-refusal of whatever refreshment is offered and a sneer like it's contaminated, then a demand for something else which won't be good enough either.

• attacking me for every single thing I say (could be "I like your jumper" or "bit windy last night", doesn't matter, he'll have a go about it.

-some reference(s) to what a shit parent I am -many, many references to my sister's superiority (largely imagined!)

• invitations to my kids to come and visit them alone since I "keep them from their grandparents" (I don't, but I'm going to start)
• really divisive favouritism, eldest child is clearly the Golden Child.

I think that once the card is full I may use it as a weapon!

< can I boast I am nc with ils?? >
to you all for next week.
And maybe the week after if the fuckers are still with you!!

Thank you for the great suggestions of Bingo. I'll compose one over the next couple of days

Ah, 'it's the season of appalling relatives!
We play MIL bingo too and I imagine interesting ways to theoretically murder the old cow.
Luckily DH won't tolerate her on Christmas Day but it clouds the day knowing we have to suffer her on Boxing Day.

Oh @Santaispackinghissleigh, you jammy git!!!!

My post was supposed to read "'tis the season..." damn phone!

I've got mine too. She's the most dreadful bastard I've ever come across. Even the DC don't want her to come. It's depressing.

I am teetotal except Christmas Day when the only way I could get through the day with my ex late MIL was to drink a lot of bacardi.

I’ve got in-laws most of us have.
Bet this is what they’re saying about us.
But no, we are all perfect aren’t we.

If your dh is a good guy you need a code. The more random the better, at least you might enjoy using it. You only have a week to come up with proxy phrases for a number of options so better get to it.
Eg ‘dh we had better get planning that garden. I do love dahlias’. Dahlias = Im not sure how much I can take. But they are slug prone aren’t they? Slug references = I think your parents are more toxic than cyanide.
What about roses? Etc etc

Fucking hell, I've just learned that we apparently have to spend Christmas Eve with his bloody family now as well as Boxing Day! What the actual fuck? I didn't agree to this!!!

Why do we have to put up with this shit "because it's Christmas"?!?!

We have Xmas eve just us where it’s like our own Xmas day without presents. We do our own food, take the dog out, watch movies, go to the pub, play games etc. Both of us can drink as we are not driving back... This is my favourite day over Xmas and makes it easier to cope with the shit when it comes over the next few days.

I "struggle" with FIL. I have realised my tolerance is about two days, so I try and arrange to not be in the same house as him for longer than that. If I have to be, I make plans that he is not invited to or that I know he won't enjoy to give me a break from him. This is after last year I shouted at him on Christmas Day. He was being a dick, but still, not ok of me.

Purplehammer nobody is saying they are perfect.
It does help to have a coping strategy though when in a confined space, with somebody I loathe for a number of days. I have no intention of voicing my thoughts in her presence.
Thanks all. I am still determined to enjoy Christmas and, most importantly, that the kids have a great time.

I have two tips (from coping with my stepmother):

1. Put a small notepad somewhere quiet and take opportunities to write down the worst of what she says. It's a moment to yourself and something to read with a glass of wine after she has left. This helps me to stop wondering if it is my fault too.

1. Take some Solpadeine Max 30 minutes before her arrival. Codeine takes the edge off.