How do you explain not having a elf?

[ItsJustASimpleLine]

Really don't want to have to do elf on the shelf. Can anyone help with and explanation for why we don't have one that DD would believe??

[Orlande]

Children know they're not real - they see the toys in the shops fgs!

Mine have never asked but if they did I'd just say I don't have time to mess around with toy elves but if other mums do then it's up to them.

[Caprisunorange]

The elf isn’t even a tradition. It’s just something some people do. Like scattering reindeer food

[dollyknocker]

Elves only visit naughty children.

[PolkadotsAndMoonbeams]

If everybody had an elf, there'd be none left at the North Pole to make the presents and load the sleigh. You know that DD is good (and the Christmas Fairy pops in every so often to keep an eye on her), so you told Father Christmas you didn't need one?

[SummerGems]

Tbh it’s not about elf hate. The OP asked how you explain the elf not coming to your house. Those who had never even thought of the elf being a thing have just responded that they’d tell the kids that the elf isn’t really a thing anyway and then we’ve had posters wailing about spoiling the magic of the (non) tradition.

[LassWiADelicateAir]

Summer a quick google suggests it’s been a thing since 2004 so 14 years that is a long time and who are we to say whose traditions are more important than others. Almost like religion I don’t go telling my children that others religion are made up . We need to be respectful of others

I am an atheist but comparing a made up "tradition" invented soley to peddle plastic tat to religious beliefs going back centuries and deeply embedded in the culture of their adherents is astonishing and actually pretty insulting to serious religion.

[MonteStory]

So, wait, because other people I barely know have picked up this new tradition that means nothing to me, I have to lie to my kids? Erm, no.

“It’s not real and I don’t want to buy one. Your friends might believe it’s real so it would be kind not to mention it.”

[MonteStory]

I don’t go telling my children that others religion are made up .

So what do you tell them? ALL religions are true?

Also, a quite key difference is that there was once a day when someone sat down and said ‘hey, you know how elf rhymes with shelf...’ There is no such day for religions, they aren’t ‘made up’ in the same way. Even if you’re not religious you can surely respect the fact that they come from thousands of years of belief and morality.

[Curious2468]

We don’t have an elf but do have a snowman and a reindeer (who have since brought along their friends a Santa and a sloth elf). They don’t monitor behaviour, they just come to enjoy the festive season with us. They get up to small amounts of mischief but also encourage us to donate to charity, bake biscuits for friends etc. It’s just a bit of fun really and no need to buy extra stuff. I agree with others, the competitive misery on mumsnet is depressing.

[Bunnymumma]

Tell her that Santa sends elves to the houses where he isn't sure if he children are naughty or nice and that they have to keep an eye on them! Then explain that as she is so good, there's no need and only Santa and his reindeers need to come to you!

[TheBigBangRocks]

Isn't it supposed to be a spy for Santa? Mine never asked but I want them to behave because it's the right thing to do not because they want more presents.

[Ilovealexa]

They’re only for naughty children and you aren’t naughty :)

[llangennith]

It's not like the magical myth of Santa Claus so tell her they're just toys and you're not buying one.

[m0therofdragons]

I told dd the elf was just an extra thing for me to remember (genuinely didn't realise the story behind it and thought it was just a fun thing some families do) but dd said no you don't have to do anything the elf does it all! I think I ended up saying she didn't need an elf and only children on the borderline for naughty get them. We have a very magical Christmas without an elf.

[Curious2468]

Public service announcement

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

Just tell her that every family does different things and the elf is something you don't do.

The bloody thing is awful. I have to admit I was honest with DD who's 5 that I just don't like them and find them creepy.

[leafgrass]

Lots of options:

Say you have been assigned a robin to watch over your family. Your robin is friendly but because he is a bird doesn't take photos or write letters. She might hear him singing, though.

You have got an elf but he is an invisible elf. He also doesn't send pictures because he doesn't appear on them.

[MaisyPops]

I am an atheist but comparing a made up "tradition" invented soley to peddle plastic tat to religious beliefs going back centuries and deeply embedded in the culture of their adherents is astonishing and actually pretty insulting to serious religion
I agree.
To compare silly elf on the shelf which was designed to sell tat and give parents ways to bore their friends on social media with world religions which have a rich cultural heritage is one of the silliest things I've seen on here of late.

Massive difference between 'I don't believe in x y z religion but others do so I'll respect It' and 'we don't pretend a silly toy spies on your for 24 days but don't say it's silly and not real because other people choose to do some daft social media thing' (and let's be real, elf on the shelf goes hand in hand with social media. Why else would people make a big deal of staging things?)

[sunshineNdaisies]

because it's a stupid childish game? and my DD10 is too old (and agrees with me)

[AlphaJuno]

If you don't want to do it, just say you didn't 'order' one from Santa. I think people are overthinking it really. We only started doing it a couple of years ago. It's a bit of fun ffs! And I don't get the marketing ploy thing. I just bought an elf each off of eBay. Didn't buy the book or anything. I'm sure my older kids don't believe it but we all go along with it for a bit of fun and 'magic'. We've even made them little clothes and presents and left them out. But that's the sort of thing we enjoy. It's good for their imagination. I don't find it stressful either. Plenty more stressful things about Christmas (like dealing with family you hate, worrying about the dinner etc) than moving a couple of toy elves around for a bit of enjoyment for your kids

[sheepwithoneear]

So, wait, because other people I barely know have picked up this new tradition that means nothing to me, I have to lie to my kids? Erm, no.

“It’s not real and I don’t want to buy one. Your friends might believe it’s real so it would be kind not to mention it.”


Thank you @montestory you said it much better than I did

[Caprisunorange]

“It’s not real and I don’t want to buy one. Your friends might believe it’s real so it would be kind not to mention it.”


Try telling that to a 3 year old

As a poster above said it’s redundant by 5 anyway. It’s not for the thinking child

I’d be seriously concerned about any adult who finds a cuddly toy “creepy”

[Pinkhairdontcare21]

So hard when some families go all out and some do none. Therefore some kids feel like shit

[LassWiADelicateAir]

And I don't get the marketing ploy thing

I just bought an elf each off of eBay

The second sentence shows that whilst you might not have understood that "elf on the shelf" is just an invention of a marketing department, the marketing worked.

[Alanamackree]

When the dc were small, if we saw a robin, we used to wonder if it was “Santa’s robin”. Sometimes I’d be the only one to spot Santa’s robin at a time when they were being particularly lovely to each other. Santa loves hearing about nice children.

I don’t believe in drawing attention to naughty behavior. If you keep noticing the nice behavior the dc will do more of that to get more notice.

They only heard about the naughty/nice thing when they started school and ds2 was quite worried about a (sn) child in his class who was looking like a candidate for coal on Christmas morning. I told DS that it was just a catchy line in a song but that Santa most definitely didn’t work like that (not had he ever got stuck in a chimney)

I was proved right when said child reported back on her Christmas presents. The following year we visited a fabulous Santa who told them that it had nothing to do with being nice or naughty but that every time they showed kindness, it helped to make the Christmas magic more powerful and obviously Santa needs a LOT of magic to fly around the world in a single night. I think it’s far more productive to encourage dc to feed the birds, fetch granny’s glasses, and help around the house than to cultivate shame, worry, guilt... or worse smugness.

I was told one year about someone’s elf but we agreed it was unlikely Santa would be able to spare many elves at such a busy time of year. Anyway, the robin I spotted while they were helping to sweep up the leaves had flown off due North, so Santa probably knew all about them.

I can’t really see how to maintain the pretence when the shops are flooded with elves, elf accessories and books of ideas for what to do with them. And I think that once one piece of “magic” is debunked the whole house of cards topples.

DS2 doesn’t believe anymore but would like an elf now anyway for fun. We won’t have one this year for slightly complicated reasons but maybe next year. As long as he’s the one jumping out of bed because he’s forgotten to move it