When MIL is more flush than Santa...

[GreyCloudsToday]

Last year MIL bought over 10 gifts just for one DC. This year (after stern words) it's a more manageable 5. However these are much bigger and flashier than Santa's. (In our house Santa has a chronic illness and has been unable to work, and Mrs Claus has been on mat leave ).

Last year our DC was too small to be clued in, but this year it'll be a lot more obvious. Does it matter? Or is there anything we can do about it?

Just remember Santa makes toys for all those that believe in the magic of Christmas. Plus this is why I always do the cheap things for stockings and have only one main present under the tree from us.
I don’t understand mil buying 5 presents mind you ... well done for getting it down from 10.

Hard isn't it? You don't want to offend Mil (I assume she's normally ok?) or for the DC to miss out....

You could say "all presents come from Santa" and get her to bring them round earlier to hide and put out Christmas morning with the others.
She could come round in time to watch them being opened if you wanted to be nice.

Whisper to your dc that dgm is really an elf!!

Give MIL a santa wish list, clothes etc. the kids will not be that impressed but it is so useful in the long run. As a MIL I have had the list, books, clothes, I have snuck in a piano mat, great fun for all the family. We have the money just tell us what you need.

So do none of the presents come from you/your DH?

In our house Santa brings what is asked for in the DCs letters to him. The contents of the letters are guided with a relatively firm hand and we emphasise that Santa has limited money to spend on each child so Santa wish lists have to be thought through carefully.

Santa only brings a stocking in our house.

Santas presents in this house are the stocking fillers. I am not having Santa take the credit for tree presents, i worked hard to pay for them. Also why would Santa buy one person a nintendo switch and another person a book, seems a tad unfair!

Santa only brings a stocking in our house.

Same here and it generally has small, inexpensive but fun or edible gifts in it.

MIL is totally out of control on the presents front, she buys flashy toys for DC every time we visit. But she is a lovely person bar the addiction to plastic tat . We have talked to her and she's definitely buying less stuff and choosing longer-lasting things now.

Last year Santa brought a small bag with one main present and a couple of stocking fillers. Under the tree was a small something from us (but it got overshadowed in the crazy MIL present pile).

We have a small house and care about the environment so we don't really need or want so much stuff!! I'd be happy for MIL to contribute to the "Santa" list, but do you think she'd be super offended?

This year DC has written his first present list and we're going to Royal Mail it to Santa. I guess it's one of those emotional things where you want it to be like you own childhood Christmasses. For us the Santa present was really the big one, and gifts from GPs were more reasonable! But maybe it doesn't matter if the Santa thing is smaller.

Santa has to bring presents for everyone so only gives the stockings in our house. The rest are from mummy and daddy and the rest of the family.

My MIL has always been like this and DD has never questioned it. Now she's older we ask them to buy the more expensive presents she asks for that would take up her nearly the whole "santa" budget.

My DGM was just like this (10 presents per person, minimum), and I never questioned it. As a kid, I think you just accept situations like that as the 'norm', whatever it might be.

I don't think there's necessarily an issue with her giving more (or more expensive) gifts than Santa. Your DC won't think that Santa is any less real or generous, they'll just think that DGM gives them lots of presents.

I can see that there might be potential issues if other people (maybe you, or the DCs' other grandparents) feel like their gifts are being overshadowed. In my case, this didn't really arise: we had no other grandparents, and everybody just accepted that my DGM was a bit of a Christmas obsessive...

Oh my, who cares? My grandparents got us 10 presents each and we loved having our parents and grandparents presents. It's not a competition of who gets the best present.

I had this years ago with ex mil, I told my children as they got older that relatives with money will buy them nice gifts if they chose to and Santa has to share out the toys with all children so not every toy can be big or expensive. Something along the lines of Santa knew granny was buying that so he picked something else might also work. But I’d also try and battle the over buying personally, I know how hard it is when people buy ott gifts and you can’t affodd to but they never think to sit and compare who bought what and the prices at a young age so don’t worry.

Forgot to say: if you're worried about your own present being overshadowed, try giving it on a different day. So if MIL is with you on Christmas Day, then save your own present till Boxing Day, when the unwrapping frenzy is over and your gift will stand out and be appreciated more.

It's nice to save one till Boxing Day anyway - stops the day feeling flat.

I think that “big” doesn’t mean physically biggest, or most expensive but the one you really, really want. Coupled with the magic of it coming from Santa it’s really special.

If, some year, the “big” gift is out of your reach, then ask mil to help make it happen. But in the meantime I’d leave it alone.

It makes perfect sense that Santa would bring more reasonable gifts to a child whose mil will be arriving laden later, or just leave a stocking.

Santa is all about the build up and anticipation, the will-he-won’t-he, the crumbs on the plate and the sense of mystery. Money can’t buy that.

All that said, I do think it’s very poor form to outshine Santa.

*whose gran

I've never got this, separate gifts thing. Unless your going to a person home, but still then my nan would drive round Christmas Eve and give them to her kids, a few times they help my uncle when going through hard times.
My mum, nan, dad, grandads and Santas gifts under the tree, who got which wasn't important unless it was something special. I do the same, dc thank everyone and tell everyone what they got.
Santa is for fun, and when dc grow up ( like now one is 13) he'll know, but at 5-8-10 it's not important.

Santa brings the stocking presents, and the rest are from the people who love you. The DC understand that not everybody has enough money, and love picking out a toy for the local toy appeal.

I feel your pain- I also have a flashy MIL who loves to buy big gifts. In fact it is DS birthday next week and her present for him is twice as expensive (and twice the size) of ours!

I try to remind myself that at the end of the day, DS is getting lovely things he will like, and that’s the main thing.

In terms of Christmas, in our house Santa brings one present (the one present they ask for on their letter to him) and then they are aware of who buys everything else. It makes it easier to thank people, and means that they know we have chosen the thoughtful presents they love (even if they’re smaller than the ones from MIL)

Remember that santa doesn’t have room on his sleigh for a whole stack of presents for each child!

Santa brings small gifts in the stocking. Your MiL can give whatever she likes. There is no problem.

I disagree with Op's point of view DP/ MIL should be given guidance if needed on what type of presents to buy for DG, but I do not think as parents you should dictate how many presents or much is spent on those presents to your own parents or in-laws If I was a Grand parent I would not have a DIL/SIL dictate how many presents I was restricted to buy grand children or how much to spend either.

If it bothers you that much can you not separate the presents into separate piles?

In our house, children do letter to FC at the end of November (from which point we ban them from watching any commercial tv/catching sight of an Argos catalogue etc so no changing of minds...) which contains everything they want. We try to encourage them to make a very long list which may sound counter-intuitive but they understand that (a) they can't have everything on the list as FC needs to provide for everyone (b) he will share the list with us so that we can choose something off the list ourselves.

That way they always get a stocking and a preset form FC but everything else comes from us and I don't think they really care about the relative sizes or expense of their gifts.

My mil is the same. I have a budget of £60 per child- that includes stockings and Santa gifts. She spends £300 per child. As hers are opened on Boxing Day , the dc don't associate the Santa gifts with those she gives. What's more, they don't value her gifts as much. Which is sad- they should value all gifts, and I encourage them to,but she gets so much it's hard to. Honestly, for me at least, her obscene extravagance doesn't make Santa's cheaper presents lesser. To my dc, there is no comparison.