Do you buy your adult nieces and nephews presents?

[sweetkitty]

Just asking as we have two adult nieces, one is 27 has her own home and a 3yo DD. The other one is 24 still lives at home doesn’t work for half the year, is bankrolled by my SIL in that SIL pays her phonebill, hair extensions, clothes, make up and plastic surgery ops.

Anyway SIL asked what my DC want for Xmas (we have 4 and she is v generous with them we only ask for £20-25 grift max) she kind of harrasses is until we give her a wish list.

We usually spend £30-40 on both nieces and great-niece. My friends think we shouldn’t be buying for adults. Having 4 DC money is tight but feel obliged to buy for them as SIL buys for our DC. She sent us a text saying DN1 would like a clothes voucher and DN2 a MAC voucher!

So would you buy for 20 year olds?

We stop buying for nephews and nieces once the get to 18. There after we buy for big birthdays.

I bought for my niece and nephew until they had children of their own. Now I buy for the children.

Yes I do, I impose a £25 limit each. It would feel odd not to but I get what you are saying.

No we stop buying at 18, they are adults and if you can buy for them they can buy for you

We stop at 21 here, stopping at 18 is totally acceptable too.

You don't need to keep buying for her because she buys for yours, you've done your 18/21 years of present buying, but it does get difficult if you keep buying after 21 to suddenly stop. If you do get vouchers £20 is more than enough!!! They are adults now and should be buying you presents in return!!!!

An adult of 27 with a job should be buying gifts as well as receiving. I think it is nice for adults to exchange gifts but it is a bit awkward if it only goes one way.

I stopped with the older niece at 21, I actually stopped with the younger one at 18 because it was several years since we'd had a thank you of any kind from her.

I think you have to stop sometime or else you could find yourself doing presents for their partners, their children...? I still do cards for them.

I stop buying at 18, it gets a bit out of hand and I’m sure most gifts are not that well appreciated. I can’t afford to buy for everyone so I stick to under 18’s apart from my parents.

My aunts stopped buying me presents when I was in high school. They all have grandchildren now and I would never expect anything.

I couldn't do that Love, we all celebrate Christmas together and even the mid 20's lot are either doing masters or PhDs. I couldn't imagine not giving them a token gift.

I don't expect anything back either, I have got more cash than they have.

We will stop at 21 - luckily DC and nieces and nephews are all similar age.

I’ll stop when they leave uni and are earning.

I only have one nephew who is now 19 so I usually buy a small gift set and add a £20 note. My brother does the same for my sons who are both over 20.

My aunties and uncles stopped buying for us when we were 18. I'd feel a bit awkward if the got them for me now, I'm an adult with my own job, bills to pay etc I'm not a child. I have kids of my own and they generally bought a new baby gift and first birthday/Christmas but stopped after that, although one does still buy for the kids as she likes to.
All brothers and sister on both sides have stopped buying presents now we have kids too but I still buy for my younger brother as he doesn't have kids yet.

I don’t know - I’d say that if you have 4 and you get lovely presents and only have to buy 2 in return, it obviously means something to your SIL?

I agree it’s a bit strange to be buying for DN in their 20s, but perhaps you need to discuss it, as she may get offended. I wouldn’t make a change without talking it over as presents are clearly still expected.

my aunties and uncles stopped buying for me and my siblings at 18, although they did then buy presents for our 21st.

I do get a bit annoyed as I only get a thank you from SIL as in oh DN says thank you. Of course I will buy presents for DN1s DD as she is only 3 but we don’t even get so much as a Xmas card from DN1. I think a token gift would be ok but SIL might be offended if she’s expecting MAC vouchers.

DH think we should say to her that we are all adults who can buy our own things and we should just buy for the children up to 18 or 21.

Yes my adult nieces and nephews are the same - you’d think they’d have cottoned on that a proper thanks might’ve extended the one sided gift giving a few years! I’m sure it’ll be fine as long as you say what you’re doing beforehand wrt gifts to SIL with a kind ‘well, we should make a change at some point’ approach, I do agree it seems time to make a change for the adults!

We stop at 16 apart from small token gifts. Tbh I would stop around 12 when it just becomes a money swap.

You sound resentful about the whole thing in which case it’s probably time to stop. As for your friend thinking you shouldn’t be buying for adults - how is she so involved in how you spend your money, Can’t you make that decision for yourself?

We buy for our grown up nieces and nephews, some of them are married with children, another has a masters and a well paid job. All totally irrelevant (job, income, spouse etc) they are my nieces and nephews and we all spend Christmas together - they all get presents. It’s the thought that counts as far as I’m concerned, not whether or not the recipient could or should be buying it for themselves.

Your whole post shouts that you don’t want to do it anymore so just stop.

All totally irrelevant (job, income, spouse etc) they are my nieces and nephews and we all spend Christmas together - they all get presents. It’s the thought that counts as far as I’m concerned, not whether or not the recipient could or should be buying it for themselves

My thoughts entirely.

How old are your children OP? Have you been buying girls for the past 20 odd years? If so, I would tell your sister you are going to stop now. Say, you havr been budgeting and have decided to start paring back, from now on you will be buying gifts for under 18s only, so you will still buy for DN1's daughter but not the mother.

I must say it's a bit surprising that a grown woman with her own home still expects a gift from an Auntie with four kids. Your DN2 by your description sounds 'young/immature' so living at home and being supported by mum and dad may make her a bit more entitled but its enough now.

For the two posters above - the added information IS RELEVANT when the OP has stated she has four kids and money is tight. Added that she doesn't even receive a Christmas card from Dear Neices and a thank via their mother.

Well, the OP was ‘do you buy your adult nieces and nephews presents?’

So the answer from two of us is yes, and our reasons for doing so above. Not relevant to us, in answer to the OP’s question.

Our family stop kids gifts at 18, they are then adults and can participate in the $20 gift exchange... each adult brings a gift of around $20 and we draw straws who gets to pick from the pile next... swapping is allowed if both parties keen. It keeps the cost and clutter of Christmas down and everyone contributes equally regardless of their income which can vary significantly within our family.