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Original poster

When and how to stop nieces/ nephews presents

39 replies

sjaba · 17/11/2018 10:44

Hi, I have four nieces and nephews (same family) aged 24, 21, 18 and 16. Every year I enjoy buying them birthday and Christmas presents. Now the 24 and 21yos are working I thought I would just send a card for their birthdays , but at Christmas, do I just buy for the 16 & 18yo? Seems a bit weird to only give gifts for 2 of them when all 4 will be there ... but I don't want to stop for all of them because I feel the 16 and 18yo will have missed out on a few years worth of presents.
I usually spend #20 each and usually buy vouchers.
Any advice?

Thanks

OP posts:
Switcherpoo · 17/11/2018 10:48

My MIL and FIL stopped buying for all their own adult children when the first grandchild arrived. Another generation of kids to spoil. They still do cards etc and had been doing Christmas stockings until their kids were in to their 30's. I know this does t help!!

feltcarrot · 17/11/2018 10:49

I stopped buying at age 21, however will buy a token gift (bottle of fancy beer, chocs) if I am going to see them on the day. At 24 and 21 I am sure they are old enough to understand!

BrokenWing · 17/11/2018 10:53

I stopped at 21. It is weird giving to one sibling and not the other, but they are old enough to understand and it is fair.

I'd tell them you you are stopping at 21 and don't give the older two this year. They are adults, if you are buying for them they should be buying for you or both don't buy for each other.

Cherries101 · 17/11/2018 10:56

We didn’t stop. Adult neices and nephews are still neices and nephews!

Original poster
sjaba · 17/11/2018 10:58

Thanks all.
I know they will understand and it probably just needs me to open the conversation. I think because the other Aunts also buy for all 4 of them I feel a bit stingy suggesting stopping.

I do like the idea of a token gift (thanks feltcarrot) for the older ones, so might do that this year to introduce it in gradually.

OP posts:
Joinourclub · 17/11/2018 10:58

I’d get a bottle of wine or beer or Baileys for the oldest two and vouchers for the younger.

Original poster
sjaba · 17/11/2018 10:58

Yes Cherries that is my other option!

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CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 17/11/2018 11:01

We've always said we stop at 18 and I'm determined to stick to that though none are 18 yet. It might feel a bit awkward the first year but I think saying it in advance and then sticking to it should help. I don't begrudge buying for the DNs but there has to be a cut off point or you end up in the position you see lots of MNers posting about ie trying to buy for 30 or more people, often spending more than they can afford and on people they rarely see! Besides the expense that's just too stressful.

I will buy for 21st birthdays but after that I'm done and definitely don't intend buying for the next generation - they'll have their own aunts and uncles to treat them.

frogsbreath · 17/11/2018 11:02

We stop when they have their own kids. But if seeing on the day a token gift of bottle of Baileys/fancy gin is given.

Babdoc · 17/11/2018 11:04

I get round this by simply sending a hamper of goodies to each family. That way, the nieces and nephews get a share of what I’ve sent the SILs and BILs. My late DH was from a large family and it would be horribly expensive to get them all an individual gift.

FrancisCrawford · 17/11/2018 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrDonut · 17/11/2018 11:09

Why not send a family gift instead? A hamper of something. It will be an easier way of weaning them of individual presents.

Original poster
sjaba · 17/11/2018 11:18

I really hadn't thought about it at all until last summer when the eldest nephew didn't bother thanking or even acknowledging their birthday gift voucher and then thought why am I sending presents to a 24yo who can't be bothered to send a text?!

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KingLooieCatz · 17/11/2018 11:51

I have buckets of aunts and uncles, some have never done gifts, some have always done gifts, some came to it late and some had a but off point at 16 or 18. DB and I have never thought to make comparisons really. It's fine.

I have a couple of cousins that are more of a nephew age and I'd like to stop as they just want cash and don't say thank you, but decided best not stop the same year their parents split up. So we'll limp on a bit longer so it doesn't look like I've stopped giving because their mum left my uncle IFYSWIM.

KingLooieCatz · 17/11/2018 11:51

Cut off point, obvs, not but off point.

VanGoghsDog · 17/11/2018 12:05

I buy for my 28 and 30yo N&N, but they're pretty much my only family.

I have four aunts and uncles and none buy for me.

N&N always very appreciative and I take them out on their birthdays too. But neither buy for me it even send a card or text on my birthday.

It's a really tricky thing to deal with. I do spend Christmas day with them and my sister so couldn't not buy them things.

Alanamackree · 17/11/2018 12:06

You sound like a lovely aunt. I have to admit that I do begrudge buying presents for adults who have considerably more spare cash than I do, and neither mortgages, dependents nor the manners to send a thank you.

VanGoghsDog · 17/11/2018 12:14

On my nephew's Christmas list was underwear. I did say I draw the line at buying underwear for an adult. He works, he can buy his own kecks!

SimplyPut · 17/11/2018 12:22

Dsis and I have said we will continue as long as the kids live at home.

Original poster
sjaba · 17/11/2018 14:27

Thanks Alana, I do love buying them something but maybe I don't need to spend as much. Token presents for the older ones shows I care but it's also time to realise they can buy their own stuff.
Going consumables this year I think rather than gift vouchers

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Original poster
sjaba · 17/11/2018 14:28

Eek Vangogh, not underwear!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
sjaba · 17/11/2018 14:30

Simplyput that's a good agreement, but that would mean I'd be buying the 21yo for years and years as I doubt they'll be moving out of home. They work and pay nothing for bills and so is probably better off than me!

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MinecraftHolmes · 17/11/2018 14:50

So far we only have DNs through SIL, similarly aged to our own DC. We agreed last year to not buy presents for the kids and do a "Cousins Day Out" instead, that we'd have most likely done separately to each other anyway. It worked out well, and got rid of the stress of having to think of gifts and saved £30. It might be different when my other SIL has a family, because her children will be considerably younger than the other cousins on that side. We don't buy individual gifts for SIL1 and her DP (we both do a token "family gift"), but SIL2 still wangles a proper gift from DH and SIL1 even though she's an adult and doesn't get them anything Hmm

Original poster
sjaba · 17/11/2018 15:08

Minecraft, love the idea of a cousins day out. If only all the cousin ages worked together .... although it has given me an idea for presents for some family friends. Thanks

OP posts:
notacooldad · 17/11/2018 15:11

We stop at 18.
I knew I had become an adult when my great aunty gave me shortbread for Christmas. That's what all the grown ups received!