How to explain why some children don’t get presents at Christmas

[Need2morehands]

My eldest ds is 8 and still really believes in Father Christmas, every year we donate some toys to a local charity which then distribute them to family’s whose children might not get presents otherwise. Usually my ds Just enjoys picking out the presents we’re giving and talks about how the children will enjoy them and that’s it but this year he’s started asking if Father Christmas knows where all the children are why doesn’t he go to those children? And so far Iv given a few vague responses but we’re due to do the present shop soon and I feel I need to answer him better but not sure how. Any suggestions? Tia

We used to say that although Santa brought presents he paid for them with our money so if you don't have as much money you would get fewer presents.

You could say something like the children will have recently moved and Santa's address book isn't always up to date.

We had this question as dd had far more gifts than any of her friends. We told her that Father Christmas was aware of how much, or how little, spare space each family had, and adjusted accordingly.

Santa takes presents to everyone.
Parents give some too.
Parents with no money can't buy presents so you can help.

I’ve told dd it’s so the mummies and daddies have something to give when theyve had to use all their money on other things. She’s only 4 though so doesn’t really question much!

FC gives gifts to disadvantaged kids but they are practical ones that they need rather than "fun" ones that they want. You can afford to gift fun stuff like toys.

Thank you for your responses I will be putting them to use on our outing. I think it shows this might be the last year of believing in Father Christmas, I have already had to come up with a response for when he told me a Muslim classmate told him he wasn’t real and parents bought the gifts.

You could say that they haven’t written to him, but you need an extra bit on top. Their parents are struggling to manage everything and therefore haven’t helped them? Or parents are ill or just a bit mean or rubbish?

See we only do a small stocking with token presents in (chocolate coins, a book, some Christmas socks and some hair bobbles etc) from Father Christmas.

Big items are from mummy and daddy or grandparents. Because it’s easy then to explain that some families are not as lucky and have less spare money.

It’s breaks my heart the thought of a child getting only a few bits or nothing from Father Christmas, whilst someone else in their class gets a play station or iPhone. And then the first child thinks it’s because they are not good enough 😥

At 8 I'd ask him what he thinks? Or say these are just extra presents because some families can't afford their own as well as Santa ones?

(Or are you a family where everything comes from Santa, personally I find that strange as surely parents would give presents to their children?)

My (adopted) DD had this whole thing of how Santa didn't know where they lived as they moved around so much which was why she didn't used to get presents from him.
Then in foster care she got lots.
So we explained that the lots in care were to make up for the years she missed out, but now she was with us, she would get stockings, but get other presents from us and extended family.

Honestly. If he is old enough to think about that kind of thing he is old enough to know the truth about Santa. Or else he will think Santa is a selfish twat surely- giving gifts galore to kids who don’t need much and nothing to others.

We have said we leave money for santa, we also give to toy charity and i say we are helping santa out as some children dont have parents to pay santa. 8year olds should still have the magic of santa ,8 is too young to be told there isnt one got a few years left x

We’re the family that does most presents from Santa and one from us. I know itl be his last year believing and I just want to hold onto that for this year with him, he loves putting the nibbles out on Christmas Eve and watching him travel on norad.

I was actually thinking this year we could get a couple of passes to a play centre in the town it has absolutely everything inside you could imagine from zip wires to a laser quest style room aswell as the usual soft play. I thought a day out might be a bit different? Any thoughts?

We have always told our DD’s that mums and dads give Father Christmas money for their presents.

I have an 8yo (will be 9 at Christmas) and I think she no longer believes, she made a few comments last year but never asked outright. A few months ab

Sorry pressed send too soon!

Ago our 6yo DD decided the tooth fairy was her dad as fairies don’t exist, but it’s okay because Father Christmas does! I’m sure it won’t be long before neither believe.

I tell mine that Santa helps them out by putting their heating on because their parents can't afford it so he can't give them toys as well.

Passes to a play centre. Nice idea, but families need to travel there, and need money for food/snacks whilst there too. Might be a great idea, might not.

Thing is, all you people making stuff up about what Santa does for other families, just makes it all convoluted and wrong. Santa doesn't put heating on, or even always make sure there is food in the cupboards. A fancy Nintendo Switch doesn't take up room, so it's not about space.
If children are old enough to be noticing inequalities and asking about it, then isn't it time to be non comital with them not just complicate things even more? Why not just say 'oh, I never thought about that before' rather than make up stuff.

Or just say these are extra presents as the families can't afford much. Don't bring Santa into it at all. It isn't necessary.

We've been saying Santa will bring some toys from your list, but not all. And if there is something really special that means a lot to you, mummy and daddy might get you that one.

We also give to food bank and toy appeal. I say the toys are for those that only get 1 or 2 from Santa and parents don't have money for the special ones. Seems ok so far for DS 7.

Switch Good approach.

We have always said we help Santa out by sending him money .

We do the same as Ploppy

Mine nevger believed but always enjoyed chucking out the reindeer dust, tracking NORAD and putting out a mince pie. I wouldn’t lie to him, he’s 8 and will know soon anyway.

I’m with iheartniles the “magic” of Santa doesn’t require actual real belief in him at all.

I’ve only involved mine in buying for other children since they stopped believing. Part of the responsibility of being trusted with the truth about Santa is keeping the magic for others.

When they were little we concentrated on them making gifts for people they knew. We also brought a Christmas gift of art materials to the local children’s hospital because they enjoyed doing art while they stayed in hospital themselves. It was a way of getting them thinking about more than their Santa lists without undermining the magic for themselves.

It’s not an answer to your question OP (as you’ve had some good ones) but just sharing another perspective on teaching the dc about giving.