Christmas Present for Parent in Care Home

[CarrotVan]

My Dad is 88 and has been in a care home since the Spring. He has moderate dementia and the usual health issues of a man of his age.

As he's in a care home he has limited space for stuff and already has LOADS of clothes, PJs, slippers etc. He doesn't listen to music and already has a digital radio and TV. He can't learn any new tech. He doesn't read fiction. He has several photos and pictures on the walls already and a clock.

I have no idea what to get him at all

How about giving an experience? Is he able to leave the home with you to go somewhere local?

Afternoon tea or a nice meal somewhere familiar.

a memory board of photos, special people and places that can be hung in his room.

Depending on your budget - you could get one of those birthday party people who bring animals. Cute and fluffy ones that your dad could enjoy seeing and holding. You could involve the other residents as well, but obviously steer clear of spiders and reptiles!

My mum went with a houseplant and a bottle of port for her elderly mother.

So the kicker here is that he's neither local or pleasant to spend time with (he never has been).

My brother took his tortoise to visit and Dad refused to touch is as "creatures are unsanitary"

I wonder if he's allowed booze with his medications? I could do a little hamper with sweet treats (he's developed a horrendous sweet tooth) and a couple of mini wine bottles

Would he manage an advent calendar?

Amazon have the Lindt golden bear one for £8 we send it to my gran each year to show her that we're thinking of her through the month

What about going to a proper sweet shop and filling jars with old fashion sweets...
Then putting in a box he can have on display..
Jack Jack's, humbugs ect.

My Dad has dementia and he wasn't pleasant to be around for quite a while before he sadly passed nearly 10yrs ago.

I get why this is difficult. Are you posting the present? A favourite box of sweets or chocolates would go down well. My dad loved those fruit jellies, made by York now. His memory was of Newbury Fruits, very similar. I managed to get them one year and the familiar sparkle in his eyes was there for a few moments.

Lots of care homes have a picture of the resident on their door. I've seen this done in various ways. The most lovely was a picture frame on the door with a lovely big picture of them.

Or simply send a nice framed picture of you and your family. He can choose to display it or not. I know how hard this is.

My Dad hasn't been pleasant for longer than I remember. A big jar of Yorkshire Mix might be a good idea.

I've never heard of Yorkshire Mix before. Googled it and that looks like my kind of sweetie jar!!

One of my Dad's favourite gifts was a digital photo frame filled with pictures. Other than that, a treat hamper. Small bottles of wine if he can have them with a nice acrylic wine glass?

We go practical presents; shower gel etc. I reason that I’m buying the present for me because I thunk I ought to rather than any realisation they have that it’s christmas so I want something that will be used.

Is there such a thing as arranging someone to spend time with him? Does he or did he have any significant interests? Music, the Armed forces, sailing, games, literature, anything at all? Maybe see if there's someone who would go to the home to spend an hour of an afternoon with him on those subjects? Maybe a class you could arrange with the home?

I’d go with an experience. If you take food or drink the staff will help themselves and share it with everyone. Maybe also a photo or other small gift that would be of no interest to anyone else so it wouldn’t be stolen shared.

I'd go for a hamper with sweets, biscuits he likes, little cakes, crisps, small bottles of wine etc

Depends on how bad the dementia is - by a certain stage, even before she was bad enough to need a care home, Christmas meant nothing to my mother any more. She would forget even on the day, would wonder why people were giving her presents and TBH could barely be bothered to open them.

Having said that, a box of chocolates always went down well, ditto boxes of soft jellies. I would also buy anything she could do with, e.g. a nice new cosy dressing gown, or nice (tumble-dryable) cardigan.

Shower gel(used as soap)shaving jel ..nice razor /battery /new shaving mirror
Visit from a Turkish barber ....proper!
Some cordial (posh)
Some d pictures /book of where he lived /back in the day /
Music of his era

We bought shower gel, shaving stuff etc. Dad had no idea which day it was and had no interest in music really. He couldn't swallow very well either.

A mug that you can print a picture of the family on, with names as a subtle aide memoir

Im putting together a detailed answer, for you

@CarrotVan if you see this can you tell me a little about his life, what did he do? what did he enjoy?

I know its a few weeks from you posted originally but this may help others when I add ideas and a few links,

*(im not linked to any of them, shop around and get the best bargains)

@smurfy2015

He’s very religious (RC), retired doctor who had a very diverse and successful career, enjoys chess, never read books unless medical or religious, occasionally listened to Big Band music but not much of a music lover, enjoyed gardening especially growing veg and fruit, very fond memories of national service in the RAF and of mountaineering and hill walking

I'm 43 now, this is to give you some ideas. Back in 2014 and 2015, I spent both xmases in a nursing home after discharge from hospital until a care package could be put in place to my high level of assessed needs.

During both stays, first was 5 weeks the second was 17 weeks, I was placed on the dementia unit as it was where they had a high level of staffing and a room.

The nursing home "santa" came around first thing in the morning to deliver presents, All unscented toiletries suitable for male or femaile definitely appreciated

Suggestions

logo socks - with his first name and surname inital on, to help ID them (or Dr John (John Smith)

furry lap blanket for something to stroke, depends on how his dementia is it can be comforting to stroke - faux fur, look in B+M or Home Bargains

on the same vein, what about a cuddle muff or a twiddle blanket this can be handmade - basic sewing skills needed but if you can sew on a button www.goldencarers.com/pdf/5020/ thats a pattern, but can be adapted to suit or could buy one.

if he recognises pictures of family most of the time at this stage, how about a photo blanket, you can choose what pictures, what type of blanket and size, as his bed is probably single, I would advise at least a double blanket size to keep the heat in, the elderly can feel the cold even in the warmth of nh. photoblankets.co.uk/fleece-blanket/

Does he experience much agitation? What about a sensory scene, where sound is combined with scent to trigger memories using different senses such as walking thru a forest, rainy days, days in the garden, seaside days.

Does he experience Sundowning? So becomes more awake and restless in the evening and searching, - to help calm his mind down, how about something to watch, fibre optic lamp which runs on mains on a timer switch

Also to bring Christmas cheer to his room, it guarantees a lot of people coming to see it - www.amazon.co.uk/HOMION-CHRISTMAS-GREEN-CHANGING-STANDING/dp/B076BTHZ5V/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?s=lighting&keywords=fibre+optic+lamp+mains+multicolour&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1541019930&sr=1-1-fkmr1

 Or trouble sleeping? Maybe a relaxing lavender pillow, the lavender is infused into the pillowwww.unforgettable.org/relaxing-lavender-pillow?tfrid=e6dc11e4-d197-4d40-aafd-647761da74be

Yes, yes to sweets, treats of different kinds, esp if he has a sweet tooth and isn’t diabetic.

Re alcohol, contact the nurse on the ward and enquire as the NH I was in went by the a bit of what you fancy wont do any harm (unless of course there is a previous history of alcoholism and one drink would threaten soberity)

Side story - I came back late one night (about 2am) stinking drunk after a friend and I went out, as my night meds were officially due around 10pm, I had to skip them, they kept me up for an hour till I had 2 pints of water down me, gave me 2 paracetamol and got me into bed and turned me to the recovery position with supports behind me so I couldn’t turn over, I was also checked approx 5-10 mins and the bedroom door had to stay open. However I was very drunk and for someone who has less than a weeks worth of units a year, I outdid it that night, I was at least double the weekly units.

How is his appetite? www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/handle-buy-box/ref=dp_start-bbf_1_glance?tag=mumsnetforum-21 - fact In Alzheimer’s patients, red colour dining ware increases food intake by 24% and liquid intake by 84%

What about heat / cold? The infrared lap blanket is cheapish to run, his electric use should be covered by the NH - www.unforgettable.org/infrared-lap-blanket

If he has good view from his window, how about a colourful dream catcher to hang in it, its lovely to watch it as it sways gently or www.ebay.co.uk/itm/BROWN-DREAM-CATCHER-22-X-50CM-TRADITIONAL-APACHE-INDIAN-STYLE-NEW-DREAMCATCHER/261819049706?hash=item3cf5a1a6ea:g:bisAAOSwuxFY0Wyt:rk:3:pf:0

maybe a bird feeder but check with NH first before you do this, esp if he is a ground floor room, the feeder would hang or be positioned in his view and a large bag of birdseed etc to be stored elsewhere so he could be wheeled out, someone allocated to scatter som seed for the feeder. It would bring joy to him maybe and others to see the birds coming to feed. Just keeps giving.

Did he / does he wear any particular aftershave? Maybe some of that? What about your mum, did she have a “signature” scent?

My mums was Arden Red Door. She wore a different one when I was small and stopped wearing that one after my father passed. She wore a different one for a couple of years - i cant remember what and then went to Red Door. My signature perfumes are 1 of 2, one if Yardley Fressia and the other is Arden Green tea nectarine blossom.

So if you know what it was, get a silky type scarf (light coloured) and literally soak it, and put in a sealed bag. Add the perfume to top up the scent and make it look fancy in a small fancy box.

Going with the RAF theme

www.rafmuseumshop.com/2019-raf-museum-pilot-bear.html

www.rafmuseumshop.com/2019-raf-museum-calendar.html

Or a hamper made with www.rafmuseumshop.com/ration-book-march-14.html

www.rafmuseumshop.com/wartime-cookery-booklet-1940-special-offer.html which can prompt reminence therapy

www.rafmuseumshop.com/ration-clotted-cream-shortbread-with-strawberries.html

www.rafmuseumshop.com/ration-all-butter-caramel-sea-salt-biscuits.html

www.rafmuseumshop.com/ration-strawberry-preserve.html

www.rafmuseumshop.com/ration-premium-tea-blend-75g.html

www.rafmuseumshop.com/dad-s-army-grenade-mug-with-lid.html

www.rafmuseumshop.com/ration-milk-chocolate-bar-100g-20650.html

That would make a box of bits, which could be added to the ration book to be writen into when some is used - rationing you know, that way you get a rough idea who is actually getting it, watch out for the book being filled in with all the same handwriting and one pen

Then can be refilled at a later date with DIY packaging - brown paper and black marker

Puppy to cuddle - comes in different breeds and also as cats. breathing so can feel chest rising and falling
www.unforgettable.org/precious-pets-puppy - that's the cheapest option the same one is far dearer elsewhere

An eco-friendly greenhouse - www.theworks.co.uk/p/educational-toys/ecological-greenhouse/5600849482507 - could grow herbs to add to meals

www.theglassgardener.com/product/succulent-terrarium-planting-kit/ same idea here

With the terrarium, if wanted could add some seeds later on. – keeps on giving www.poundshop.com/garden.html?p=5&timeStamp=1541023514556

The terrarium is small as is the greenhouse and would allow him to do a bit of gardening = for fun

This is a slightly far out one, could you contact your local hill walking and/or mountaineering clubs? If you were to purchase a cheap body camera with a chest strapping, there may be someone in both clubs who when doing their hill walk or climb would agree to attach the camera to them?

Then when you get it back, run some instrumental music across it, so its motion only and not catching any chat the walker or climber might be having and then copy to a USB stick, you will need a few of these over time and pop it in the post to your dad,

the smart tv should have a USB socket on the back, which a carer might plug in for him and so he can watch the ascents and descents and maybe feel he is there too, fit, able and breathless with joy.

I know it can be so hard to know what to get, does he use a zimmer frame? So a frame net bag for it, www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/mobility-aids/walking-aids/walking-frames-rollators/walker-walking-frame-net-bag?fee=19&fep=38941&gclid=CjwKCAjwpeXeBRA6EiwAyoJPKpRup_rEw7GoZiUg6qWAz3hKgijL2mLpPr7JFzmIeAYkj_I06T6OqRoCnBYQAvD_BwE or an apron type bag.

www.activemobility.co.uk/zimmer-frames-accessories-c319_72_73/walking-frame-apron-p-52.html?gclid=CjwKCAjwpeXeBRA6EiwAyoJPKgMmAwOl9ZOKs9L1mIIqNMuty4XEO8uOKkWYriWJ_U1-vfKLZVXIfhoCWcMQAvD_BwE

Hopefully, some of those ideas will come in useful and be helpful

@smurfy2015 That is such a thoughtful list. My dad is in a care home because of dementia too and I have also been stuck for gift ideas. All of your ideas are brilliant. I really like the photo blanket so will look into that.
I had read about "dementia doll therapy" and recently bought my dad something similar to this dog...www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B008TQ0J1W/ref=mp_s_a_1_19_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1541025509&sr=8-19&keywords=microwaveable+hot+water+bottle+animal he really loves to hold it and sits patting it and talking to it!

No probs,

Apart from my 2 stays on the dementia unit, I worked as a daycare worker in a past life, in a centre for people with advanced dementia for 2 years before I moved sideways. The 22 weeks between both stays also offered an invaluable insight.

@Magissa love the puppy,

For others who might be thinking of something like that esp if their loved one has cold hands / poor circulation and thinking of getting something that can be heated and cuddled,

Check with the home first as under health, safety and hygiene they won't heat them up in the microwave as most of them are lavender scented which then taints the next food that goes into it,

my microwave at home does several heat packs a day and occasionally one gets burned (distinctive smell like burned popcorn for putting on the most painful areas I rotate a set of 5 so they all get at least once slot off per day.

I dont have to maintain the same professional food hygiene level like a kitchen in a NH so can use the same microwave for both