May have bought Dad an up your bum prison thing...

[Hawkmoth]

Thought this was handy to keep your emergency tenner in, but is it a drug smuggling device? It was only cheap...

www.rolsontools.com/money-minder-with-key-chain.html

phones up bums? Do prisoners have unusually wide rectums/recti?

I quite like the look of the keyring though, may get one for myself.

Tiny phone.

Best. Thread. Title. Ever.

Shimmering, I think you're getting confused with butt plugs. Smuggling isn't supposed to be fun!

Oouuuuuuuch at phone screen

The, um, wideness issue is presumably solved with practice.

Unfortunately I never removed a phone from a prisoners rectum, however when I was working in prisons it was Nokia 3310s etc were the phone of choice

Wow viva, that is totes bum friendly.

OK, but what is the point of smuggling something up your bum if it is going to be tricky getting it out?
Maybe they tie a bit of string on the end of what ever it is they have up there.

Having an itchy bum with that mini phone might accidentally result in one using all of one's credit up.

Traffig

I’m kind of guessing that next time you have a poo the laws of physics will mean that any object will be pushed out in front of the poo?

oywatch

I've got one of these in pink - on the ring with my car keys. I wonder if people are looking at me funny (haven't noticed).

I had great difficulty folding a £20 up small enough to fit in it though. When I had to use it at the petrol station I never bothered replacing it. Is there a knack to it?

Or should I just cut out the middle part and stick the £20 straight up my bum?

I suppose so Viva. Is that what they do then? It's not how I imagined it in my head.
Not that I really give it all that much thought.

Ouch, I'd like to think that ass-phone smugglers would remember to turn their phones off (or atleast onto silent!) before insertion... Would be a tad awkward trying to palm off the Nokia standard time as normal arse noises :o

Although the vibrations may be, err, interesting!

Nokia tune not time!

Would be a tad awkward trying to palm off the Nokia standard time as normal arse noises

OMG this thread! cackling away here

Can we get through Christmas with straight faces if anyone asks us to lend a tenner?

I think not.....

www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Fart+Ringtones+for+Cell+Phone&&view=detail&mid=D7A3B5460847F2794038D7A3B5460847F2794038&FORM=VRDGAR

Fart ring tones

NB: to be downloaded prior to being ensconced

This will make you wince. I work in a prison - an up the bum find was a Stanley knife ! ( was wrapped in lots of cling film )

A Stanley Knife?

What do they do with the phone chargers? I assume most prisons do not have them handy for inmates to borrow!!

Impressive arse space if you can get a Stanley knife up there.
If you farted that could get dangerous.