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Original poster

To not send Xmas presents to ungrateful Nieces but to donate instead?

51 replies

AuntieAunt · 12/12/2017 19:19

Just that really. I don't have loads of cash to throw around and they're somewhat the most ungrateful children i've met Slight eggageration but often feels like it.

Last Christmas I got them both scooters with characters who they were obsessed with. One DN got it out of the box and asked if it was cheap, didn't want to bring it in from the front garden 'as it was cheap and nobody would steal it'. The other DN didn't bother and it's still in the box.

For DN (8) I decided on a day trip as she seemed to have everything and thought she'd prefer quality time. She's been going on for about a year that she had never been to a musical and her best friend has apparently been to all of them. She used my laptop to google all that were showing, she watched Youtube trailers/videos of the songs and decided which one she'd like to see. I told her the costs of the tickets if she was really sure that's what she want as it was a lot of money etc etc. We get to the theatre and she wasn't happy with the seats we weren't in the Gods either. I explained that the seats near the stage cost 100+ each, and as a student I wasn't able to afford them- she asked me again why I was cheap. She kicked up such a fuss that she started to pretend her eyes were hurting/giving her a headache (expecting me to get her closer seats to the stage) and we ended up leaving not that long into the show as she was disturbing others (still thinking that I would get her closer seats). Miraculously her headache had cleared when we walked past a shop and suggested I got her a toy instead for her birthday as she was too ill for her present...

They both have everything you can imagine. I've spent weeks trying to find the perfect gift but they do literally have everything especially as they both have autumn birthdays. They don't really look after anything, and anything they do after they novelty soon wears off. I have got them gift cards in the past but look very hard done by when they realise that they can't get everything in the shop.

There's a local church doing a Xmas present drive for local families in need. I'd rather go buy £50 worth of gifts, wrap them and know that they're going to be appreciated. I was thinking of getting my nieces a large selection box with a note that i've donated toys to those in need for their gift as Santa wasn't able to visit all children as some don't have a house for him to deliver at.

The only thing is, is that i'm extremely close with my sister and she's fairly sensitive especially as quite a lot of people are taking a step back from the girls. I could just buy them a couple of toys that will probably end up donated anyway? I just feel like i'm throwing money into a fire.

Sorry I didn't mean for this to end up as an AIBU?

OP posts:
goose1964 · 12/12/2017 20:37

I like the idea of a minimal I can't be bothered present like a selection box and giving their presents to a charity. If they complain just tell them that it's because you never like my gifts so I'm giving them to someone who'll appreciate it. Their behaviour has been obnoxious and perhaps this will be the christmas they change

Helpotron3000 · 12/12/2017 20:39

I like the idea of sponsoring an animal on their behalf, they get a stuffed toy so it doesn't look like you're making a stand either

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 12/12/2017 21:15

What horribly behaved children!
I would tell them (nieces and your sister) that since the kids didn't like previous gifts that you would buy for children who needed gifts instead.
My kids aren't angels but never said anything as despicable as the cheap comments. That unopened scooter could make a child super happy on Xmas morning.

BelleandBeast · 12/12/2017 21:21

I can't believe your nieces are so rude and agree it must be learned behaviour.

christmasrage · 12/12/2017 21:32

You can't win them over with good gifts, as you have seen.
Hand over a simple present.
If they question it say 'well I always seem to get it wrong for you guys, so I bought something simple for you this time.'
If they say anything about it not costing much, 'I decided to help some children that aren't as lucky as you.'

Say it really calmly, no defensiveness or spite. Be really relaxed. They won't be able to argue.

Original poster
AuntieAunt · 12/12/2017 21:37

Honestly my sister is really caring, thoughtful and the least materialistic person you'll meet.

If it is learnt behaviour it's probably because my Bro-in-law gives my sister cash instead of a shared bank account (she's a SAHM) and quite often will have a go at her when she buys unnecessary bits, she usually says something a long the lines of 'it was so cheap', or 'it was such a bargain' etc.

My sister has always enjoyed taking the girls out, if it's to the park/zoo/museum/historical reenactment/visiting cities etc and I think they definitely take days out for granted/becoming spoilt in that respect. I just don't seem them that much (but I have taken a step back as DN1 manipulation angers me) so I thought the day trip to the musical would of been really special for her. I guess whenever they've gone to shows, they've only been local/school so it's first come first served with seats.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 12/12/2017 21:39

It doesn't matter what she's like, her kids are arrogant and spoilt and someone needs to tell her because people are being put off by their behaviour. Sponsor an animal and give them the cuddly. Don't bother wasting money on them, they don't appreciate it.

butterfly990 · 12/12/2017 21:42

How about this one.

www.lendwithcare.org/

SnowBallsAreHere · 12/12/2017 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 12/12/2017 21:54

If you love your nieces, then please do have a word with your sister about how they are growing up horrible and spoilt. They need their parents to bring them into line before it's too late. Though I can't really say your BIL sounds like a prince among men.

BeeMyBaby · 12/12/2017 22:05

I think get a small token gift but don't give them a charity gift. If you want to use the extra money you save to give to charity then fair enough but don't 'gift' it to the children. Yes they may be spoilt but there is no need to try to make them feel bad on Christmas, and I know it shouldn't make them feel bad but the fact is they are young children so they will feel bad. I would suggest a book each and some chocolate, or a piece of clothing each as it's always useful. My brother made a rule of no more than £15 per gift and although I was a bit Hmm at the start it's good as the children know not to expect too much . On the other hand the cinema vouchers also sound good as anything is better than adding the the pile of stuff!

EachandEveryone · 12/12/2017 22:15

If you arent seeing them over Xmas havent you got away with it? Honestly they wint notice if they get thst much stuff, i woukdnt bother myself save your money and wait until the new year.

rackhampearl · 12/12/2017 22:20

Jesus, have a word with sis lady! My DD same age would be happy if someone wrapped a happy meal toy and a plastic straw up for her birthday! Do not buy these children gifts, donating is a great idea and sets an example that it looks like they need!

MikeAlphaMikeAlpha · 12/12/2017 23:12

OP remember they are kids not adults. It is rude of them to act the way they have over presents but really that comes down to your sis. Don't punish them.
The wwf gift costs £3 a month or £36 a year and they get a teddy of whichever animal you choose and regular letters I think that's the perfect gift as they are receiving something and can learn about helping others. They are too young for the oxfam goat thing!

Do they use iPads? iTunes vouchers are a great gift for kids who have everything as they have a choice of what to use it on.

Or don't spend as much on them and if you get the usual ungrateful reaction maybe it won't hurt you as much.

They will grow out of it one day but for now they're young kids at Christmas-let it go ThanksGin

eatshitexwife · 13/12/2017 00:45

They're old enough to call gifts cheap they're old enough to understand why they've been bought fuck all 🙄

Saladtongs · 13/12/2017 04:55

Selection box and a £10 voucher each, job done. If they complain then you have the perfect opportunity to remind them about the scooter and wasted theatre tickets in front of their parents. Their parents need to deal with this now before they become teenagers otherwise they will have a shock. Keep mentioning the teenage years to your sister to shock her out of your apathy.

Melony6 · 13/12/2017 05:36

At 8 I dont think their characters are cast in stone and it isn’t your job with your limited contact to ‘sort them out’.
Just buy something that won’t annoy if they are unappreciative - eg gift voucher

Makingahome · 13/12/2017 05:44

A book and a card. Job done.

AsMenDclaredWomenTheirInferior · 13/12/2017 05:59

I don't blame the kids, I blame the parents who indulged their children and who overwhelmed them with presents galore and due to it the kids are unable to appreciate anything in the end.
What you get them means nothing to them because they have so much, it will just be slung in the corner with all the rest of the stuff.

Parents are very stupid sometimes and make a rod for their own backs.

I would buy the kids a games compendium set between them

just saying Grin

RebootYourEngine · 13/12/2017 06:04

I would wrap up and empty box and be there when they opened it to see their faces. Then tell them that because they are always so ungrateful you thought that buying them nothing would be better

shhhfastasleep · 13/12/2017 06:16

I can't believe she calls things "cheap" as in poor quality and low significance not as in "mum can I have that pen from smiggle, it's really cheap, honest".
She is getting that value judgment from somewhere and it sounds like your dbil.
I used to get toys for my niece and nephews and be pissedoff not to get anything in return, by which I mean a mars bar or something. I opened this thread assuming it was this sort of irritating.
Get them a loo from Oxfam.

Cagliostro · 17/12/2017 20:34

Only just seen this but I'd go for a small voucher and selection box. It's still a present but if they ask why you can explain and maybe that will shock the parents into tackling this awful behavior

SuperVeggie · 17/12/2017 22:25

OP you don't really seem to be listening to the responses here.

  1. You seem to want to punish the children for their behaviour but at the same time assume it has nothing to do with your lovely sister. They have learnt it from somewhere. Why do they have so much stuff? It sounds like it's because your sister is a bit of a pushover and ends up spoiling them all the time. You need to either talk to your sister about the behaviour or just put up with it.

  2. there is obviously no point in spending lots of money on these girls as they have not been taught to be grateful. Get them some choco,ate and a book each. Total ten quid each max. If you want to feel like you are giving something bigger then also sponsor an animal or something.

Lisamac1988 · 17/12/2017 22:36

I hardly ever comment on here but some of these responses are really annoying me...they are kids there’s no need for all the spoilt brat type comments and also thinking her sister has caused it!! To the poster..if you usually spend around 50 I would get them a voucher for 20 somewhere like toys r us and then give rest to a charity.No way would I get them nothing or just a selection box,they are still your nieces after alll x

TheQueenOfWands · 17/12/2017 22:37

If the father is financially abusive then they'll have picked up on that.

Money probably equals love to them.

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