Please help me plan Christmas (Clueless!)

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

Since we had the kids, we've taken turns spending Christmas with one or other of our parents. They always make a huge fuss of the kids and organise a lovely Christmas. We pitch in with cooking and washing up of course, but they've done the bulk of planning.

For reasons I won't bore you with, we're having Christmas at ours for the first time this year, probably just me, DH, and the DC.

But - I've never hosted a family Christmas, and also I'm skint, which is a pain. The kids usually get spoiled rotton at their GPs, I need to make sure this is special for them without the luxury of being able to chuck much money at the situation.

Also - I'm crap at organisation! (Really bad - as in I have an appointment to request assessmeent for ADHD). I find the idea of organising Christmas a little overwhelming to say the least! But I want to plan it now, in case the worst happens before then.

I do have one secret weapon - DH is an aweseome cook. (Also crap at organising though).

Can anyone give me any pointers as to what to do, where to start? And, how to make it special for the kids with very little money?

What do you remember from when you were little that made it special?

BusterTheBulldog ooh, that's a really good idea.

Maybe I'll combne that with happy321123's idea of getting the kids ot make gifts. I think they'd get into making crackers, the could put surprises in for each other.

Haha-thanks! Maybe I'll take my own advice this year

I also used to love making those paper streamers when I was little, seem to think coloured paper or wrapping paper, stapler and scissors was all you need?! That would sort some of the decorations?

Sorry to hear that you are in this position.

Lots of good advice on this, and other threads. I wanted to add what i good idea it is, to get ahead and think about some things that you could do. Decide when to open presents, we used to have stockings to open first thing (keep us quiet for a while) which would include some sweets or chocolate which we were allowed to eat before breakfast. This, in itself, marked out Christmas day as a day like no other.

Christmas dinner at lunchtime, tidy up (a bit) then a walk and come back to hot chocolate with marshmallows melted on top (another Christmas only tradition) then open presents. A pause for the kids to play with the presents and probably the adults to help and/or get everything sorted.

Then board games, take it in turn to choose which or take it in turns to watch a programme together. Some leftovers (i suspect my mother would cook extra sausages wrapped in bacon for this).

Christmas even plan on having the kids some something to rally tire them out, then reasonably early night after leaving out a mince pie, glass of sherry and a carrot for the reindeer. Making gifts and Christmas cards and decorations (i love an orange studded with cloves, wrapped in orris root powder kept me busy for ages.

When we got a bit older, we would put on a 'show' for after dinner, not sure how brilliant it was but it kept us busy with 'rehearsals' in the run up to Christmas,which might be a blessing.

Another sign of grown up Christmas, was when we were we included in the planning for Christmas, we each got to choose something to do, with, i suspect, at first my mother having some suggestions of what we might choose.

I understand things might feel difficult for you, but a Christmas at home with just us is my favourite.

I wouldn't worry about the level of luxury/amount of gifts.
New venue, new traditions: let them help.
Agree with those who suggested a walk and an opportunity to play games together as a family. Further, consider mixing up the timings so it doesn't follow the same pattern as Christmas Day at GPs would: for example a lovely brunch and then dinner late afternoon, allowing more time for fun stuff and you'll see more of your DH in the earlier part of the day.

Sorry about your dad

What I don’t understand is why your in laws who clearly aren’t short of money can’t do an Amazon order of presents for the dc or post some stuff down? Even if it was half the stuff they usually buy that would be loads. I know it’s nice to see kids open things but it isn’t/shouldn’t be about what’s best for the adult.

Funnily enough the ILS are not rich. They love spoiling the kids, they buy presents when they can afford them all year round and save them up for when they see us. They're very family oriented and are sorry we're not nearer so they spoil the DC when they see them.

Last time we missed Christmas at theirs they saved the presents till Easter! I think they want the pleasure of seeing the DC open them.

I'm sure they'll send a parcel in the post, with nice bits, they always do. But they'll save the huge present giving for in person. I can't ask them to change that, it sounds grabby! I don't expect them to buy all those gifts and if they want to give them in person I'm not going to argue.

My folks on the other hand are fairly well off but wouldn't consider giving 2 sacks of presents, they'd think it was massively OTT.

I suspect it doesn't occur to the ILS that my side don't go all out as they do as - they probably assume that because they have the money - why wouldn't they?

But different people, different attitudes.

Families are funny things aren't they.

How much prep do you need help with?
The organizing the Christmas dinner, or all the way back to shopping and wrapping and planning the diary etc?

If the latter, there are a couple of websites which have good planners - Christmas Countdown is a 6 week plan (that just happens to start this week!!) which aims to get all the shopping and wrapping done; cards bought, written and sent; house cleaned; and food organized and cooked - while still having a modicum of sanity left by the end; or the Flylady (I don't have access at work so can't link) has a plan which pretends you are going on a cruise on 1 December so it all has to be done beforehand so you can arrive home on Christmas Eve to everything being ready.

If it's more by way of organising the dinner etc, a great tip would be to get a Good Housekeeping (November or December issue) or a Christmas magazine as they often have plans and schedules to work from. My main bits that may help are:
Decide on your menu - do you want traditional turkey dinner, or something different? Do you want all the sides or are there specific favourites you really want?

Decide do you want to do it all yourselves or buy it all in, or something in the middle like a pre-prepared stuffed bird and gravy and 1 special side dish but doing the potatoes, veg and starters yourselves.

Order early for anything you want to buy in.

Go through your menu and make a list of everything you need for the whole thing. Start buying the non-perishable bits early, a few things a week with the normal shopping and put them in a separate place for Christmas (between actual ingredients for the dinner and also treats like chocolates, mince pies, fizzy drinks or whatever you want as a family). Remember things like extra bin bags, toilet rolls and festive bits like crackers and paper napkins.

Prep what you can in advance. So making and freezing breadcrumbs, or even fully made stuffing. Do a big pot of soup for a wintery day, and freeze half for Christmas Day starter. That sort of thing.

On Christmas Eve, DH and I always prep the vegetables and potatoes, so that we don't have to do it the next day (we're out until late enough doing other visits). We wash, peel and slice things like potatoes, carrots, sprouts, cauliflower etc - and leave those soaking in water overnight. Parsnips and onions are also peeled and chopped but not left soaking - just an airtight container.

You can also set the table in advance if you won't be using it for breakfast. Or put the cutlery, glasses, serving dishes and spoons, salt and pepper etc, and any decorative touches all together on a tray to quickly set it when the time is right.

A turkey does need time to rest, after its cooked, so take it out an hour before you will be eating it and cover with tin foil and then a couple of folded bath-towels over the top to keep it hot. This means you then have the oven free to cook roast potatoes and veg, or starters etc, before you sit down.

And there are plenty of dishes that you can cook on the top of the hob if oven space is an issue - glazed carrots (with some olive oil, an onion and a very small amount of water), sprouts, mashed potatoes, plain peas, gravy etc.

And if things run behind time, have a few things that you can (all!) nibble on while you cook (not loads but enough to prevent a riot) - and relax and enjoy!

Have a look at [[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas/3055215-Free-or-very-cheap-ways-to-make-Christmas-magical-for-young-dc this thread]] for ideas on cheap or free festive or magical things to do with DCs.

Oh wow, I just read the end of page 1.

OK, forget most of what I said.

Make it easy on yourself and family. No you can't really plan ahead too much.

Print off some free printable colouring and activity sheets from places like Activity Village, DLTK, Santa Update websites - to have somewhere to give the DCs when you need some distractions and to keep them occupied.

A shoebox filled with strips of different coloured paper to make their own paper chains can be picked up and put down as you need to - and the results used in the house.

There is nothing wrong with the DCs understanding that you and your DM will be sad, (and everyone). Look at websites like Winstons Wish to help prepare them for DGD being so ill and dying, and the kind of language to use. Let them know that you may be happy or sad at different times, and that is ok too.

We have an Irish tradition that the youngest in the house lights a candle on Christmas Eve and it's put in the window to show any weary travelers that there is room in our Inn if they need it - we don't put ours in the window, but the youngest lights it, we spend a few minutes as a family remembering the good and bad things about the past year and remembering family and friends who have died, before saying a prayer together. That particular idea may not suit you, but try and find a way to build in time to remember past Christmases with your DF and remember some of the good things as well as the sadness of him being ill or died.

Be kind to yourselves in trying to just stay afloat.

Look at internet shopping for groceries (it might take time to do the first time, but maybe set up a "standard" weekly shopping order with useful food and healthy things and good conveniences and the important things like shampoo, toilet roll, toothpaste - and be able to order that most weeks at just a few clicks) to keep you going now and up to and past Christmas.

Eat as healthily as you can - plenty of fresh fruit and veg (and I include frozen veg in this), and "proper dinners". Do a large batch of 1 proper dinner a week like a spag bol, curry, shepherd's pie etc - to have that night and to freeze for another night next week or a time when you will need them. Build up a stock of a few days where you won't have to think but just pull out a meal from the freezer.

It is hard when these things happen, especially near Christmas. I hope that your DF is as comfortable as possible. And that the rest of the family copes ok both now and in the future.

Biddypop what?!! Is it only 6 weeks till Christmas?!

I mean, I think I need quite a lot of prep! I need a list of stuff to do with dates on it so I can check them off Otherwise, I'll leave it till the last minute and it will be stressfull and crap. I won't be able to pull it out of the bag at the last minute if my family are in grief.

That's all really useful thank you. I'll check out the Christmas planner.

DH does the food but he's even less organised than me so if stuff needs ordering in advance I'll need to remind him of that. We're veggie so no need to worry about turkey. He's a good cook, he'll be happy in the kitchen - he does tend to take AGES in there though so I think I need to encourage him to plan how long the prep will take and help with it. Otherwise we won't see him.

I'll check out that thread too.

Cross posts BiddyPop. Thank you for your kind words and lovely ideas

Good news / bad news!

DH just heard there's some work going he can (almost certainly) have. BUT he will probably have to work Christmas. Won't know for sure for a week or so but - yay! And balls.

This Christmas just has so many variables it's ridiculous.

The thing is, like lots of people with ADHD (I'm discovering, it's new to me that I have this!) I'm great in a crisis. Totally bloody useless at planning ahead (hence asking for help and trying really hard). But actually really level headed and great in when the pressure's on.

Maybe I just need to fill a box of Christmassy things, make no plans at all and wherever we are on Christmas Eve, create Christmas from it!

Probably not the best idea! But feeling a bit giddy and silly as we've been skint for so bloody long it's wearing. The idea of being able to buy presents in a normal fashion (not scour charity shops / ebay and make stuff to bulk it out) is such a relief. Will still make stuff and have a look on ebay / in charity shops - but for fun, not under pressure.

Phew.

Just got to hope DH can wriggle out of the actual Christmas day shift now (fingers crossed he gets it, but I'm enjoying the feeling he probably has, sounds like he aced the interview, and he's massively over qualified, sod being cautious).

That’s great news about your DH’s job! Definitely one less thing to worry about. If he does have to work in Christmas Day could you not do Christmas on the 24th or 25th? DC probably would t notice! That’s what my old neighbours used to do!
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. As a P.P said I hope he is comfortable and not in any pain.
Your dm May surprise you and want to see your dc, no one really knows how grief will affect them. So it might be a good idea to do a couple of plans so you have ideas for both eventualities - with Sm or without her. Pop things in different envelopes/boxes/files so when Christmas arrives and you know what the situation is you can just go to the file of ideas and plans.
For us we had the sad Christmas of just being me and dc a few years ago - first one in new Home following divorce and it was awful. Since then I’ve made an effort to make it even note special - it wasn’t the presents that made it awful btw!!
Anyway it starts with the prep - you can make Christmas cake with value ingredients, same for mincemeat etc and dc will probably love that. You can cut the cake up and pop in cheap cellophane bags from Amazon (mince pies too) to give as gifts.
I used to take dc into £1 land and let them buy a gift for everyone - their own choice completely. My friend took my dc and I took hers. No adult interference at all! Led to some memorable presents!! But dc loved it and they got to choose and wrap a surprise for everyone.
Dc can make decorations, decorate a Lidl gingerbread house etc before the big day.
Christmas Eve go to cinema/panto/ice skating, have special meal, Christmas Eve box, make reindeer food and sprinkle outside, do your Santa snacks etc. Watch a movie.
On the day set your own tradition re presents, stockings etc. When mine were Wee I used to buy them the multipack of mini cereal boxes and they were so excited about getting them and that was breakfast! We then had the turkey at 5pm as it suited us better. If dry we went due a walk mid afternoon. You can buy a new board game/jigsaw/Lego and that’s the afternoon sorted!
Hope you have a lovely Christmas op, and hope it’s not too painful for you.

I am very disorganized, and I think that preparing a box of Christmas sounds like a brilliant idea.

I've always really loved small Christmases at home, and prefer them to big family gatherings which I always find very stressful. At home, with just the people who normally live there, it feels all cosy and nest-like.

If you can bake at all, do a big batch of gingerbread men/christmas tree shapes/stars/other seasonal shapes, and make some icing to pipe. I kept four DCs busy for an entire day decorating cookies.

You could also try your hand at making gingerbread houses and decorating them.

With simple bits and bobs from poundland, children can make decorations -
www.pinterest.com/explore/kids-christmas-crafts/?lp=true
Pipe cleaners and beads make 'candy canes' and icicle ornaments
Salt dough recipes
Jam jar snow globes
Paper garlands
Popsicle stick snowflakes

www.pinterest.com/tinywhitedaisy/christmas-crafts/?lp=true

If you want to bulk out presents I'd suggest buying small bits and bobs from places like Poundland, tiger and watching eBay as well. Wrapping can add huge amounts of fun to the gifts:
• put small things inside balloons and blow up the balloon and wrap it
• wrap a gift in several layers of different wrapping
• Wrap the kids santa presents in white paper and stack them to look like snowmen, adding paper circles for buttons/eyes etc

For decorations:
Popcorn strings
Paperchains
Collect pinecones and dip in glitter and glue
Cut out snowflakes and fill the windows or hang with fishing line

On Christmas Day:
Don't under estimate the value of switching off your phone and just sitting with your kids for hours building Lego and playing board games. Honestly, time like that with them is something they will remember long after the presents are forgotten

Get the kids to do something to contribute to the Christmas spirit, even if it's just baking a batch of cookies or Rice Krispie buns and delivering it to nurses in the hospital.

Charity shops are great this time of year as people tend to be clearing out to make way for new toys. I've picked up a great collection of Christmas books over the years which we read as bedtime stories through advent.

A Christmassy smelling candle (or an orange with cloves left on the radiator) and the radio set to Christmassy songs goes along way to creating an atmosphere.

So sorry to hear that op. I would try and do all the food prep you can the day before so all veg, potatoes ect are ready and in pans just waiting to be switched on i would also get stuff like pigs in blankets, stuffing and pudding ready made . If your husband will be cooking i would plan what you will do in morning. So some suggestions could you do a special north pole breakfast with table decorated. Loads of ideas for this on pintrest. Also hot chocolate station if they like hot chocolate and toppings. After presents can you just sit and play for a while with their toys. As you said they like that. Have christmas songs on. Eat lunch then a christmas film, what about getting a couple of fun family board games, you could even go out for a walk if you wanted to you can get winter/ christmas nature hunts if you think they would like things like that. Fir decorations you could do loads of homemade ones in the run up such as paper snowflakes, paper chains, salt dough ornaments, collect fir cones and decorate. If they like cooking they could do christmas cookies, ginger bread men and a ginger bread house in the run up to christmas. They could make gifts in the run up like snowman soup, fudge , cookies ect . Also for your younger one you can get receipes for christmas playdough eg ginger bread so could make and get out christmas day. Really hoping this helps and again so sorry about your dad.

Ooops Raisin, I'm so sorry - it's still 10 and a half weeks to go ...

The Christmas Countdown though has lists that you can tick off, that's kinda why I thought of it for you (DD has ADHD, we have lots of lists at home....)

Great news about your DH and a possible job though!

In terms of organisation:

Make a timetable of Christmas Day cooking working backwards from when you sit down to eat.
While it's just a big roast, a turkey does have a few complications. You have to weigh it when it is stuffed (either stand on your bathroom scales and weigh yourself with and without the turkey, or use a luggage scales and a plastic bag. Then calculate how long it will take to cook (x mins per lb). Add another hour and half for resting. Then work backwards from dinner to figure out what time it goes in the oven.

If you buy a frozen turkey allow up to 72 hours to defrost it fully in the fridge

And if you are going to have a turkey taking up half your fridge you have to figure out where the rest of your groceries are going to be. (Car boot is fine for veg etc at this time of year)

Work out menu for Christmas Day and also for 24th to 27th. Some of this will be leftovers but think about whether you'll need chutney, curry, etc with them. Will you have visitors dropping in?

You can order your food from m&s now. And if you add the non- perishables to your shopping list over the next few weeks it won't sting so much at Christmas.

Other stuff:
If you want to visit santa or see a show or pantomime then start booking now.

As you buy gifts wrap them, label them and pack them away. Keep a list of what you have.

Pick some dates to have jobs done by:
Cards written, addressed and stamped by...
Gifts bought and wrapped by..,

Don't leave wrapping til Christmas Eve. If there are gifts that need to be built, or set up or downloaded etc, don't leave that til Christmas Eve either.

Think about where to hide FC gifts. Mine stay in attic but get transferred to car boot or shed before Christmas Eve so that we're not trying to wrestle stuff through a trap door right beside where the kids are sleeping.

Have a chat with your DH and work out how much you have to spend and what the priorities are. DC gifts and outdoor decorations might be more important this year than indoor decorations (home made) and dinner (have chicken instead of turkey) but you might find that there's a particular food or smell or experience that just means Christmas to someone so prioritise that.

Get some DVDs (libraries are great for this) for the kids to watch over the Christmas.

Cheap and cheerful stocking fillers:
Tube of pringles/bag of popcorn/rolled up comic takes up lots of space.
Batteries for toys that need them (thoughtful elves )
Chocolate oranges go down to £1 or less if you watch for bargains
Stuffed toys on the top, £1 from poundshop. Pop in a plastic ziplock for a week or two with vanilla essence or peppermint essence or a few drops of cinnamon oil and they will smell of Santa's workshop. Just be careful not to stain the toys.
If you bulk out the stocking you only have room for a couple of "good" stocking stuffers.

Just read your update so ignore all my turkey talk

BiddyPop phew! I totally believed you too!

Lists are good, I like lists, thank you.

There are some really great sggestions here, thank you everyone. This is starting to feel much more doable.

Sympathy for what seems like an unsettling time.

Can you get yourself a little notebook from somewhere cheap to make some lists?

We are having Christmas at home for the first time in a while and I cannot wait.

We will do stockings in our bed give DH a chance to prise his eyes open, run down to see what FC has brought them and let them open things at their pace (could be all of it or half or whatever - I don't mind), breakfast and playing/building.

For us it's going to be a standard Sunday roast affair - chicken, gravy, roasties, veg and probably stuffing and pigs in blankets. Veg can be prepped the night before and the rest is just a timing job based on the size of the chicken.

Pudding probably something like ice cream and steamed puddings/melt in the middle thingies.

I think a walk for some fresh air before pudding is probably a good idea and I imagine tea will be chicken sandwiches and crisps.

With regards to presents, I have tried really hard to scale back. They get a few bits in their stocking, FC normally brings something outlandish that mummy would never buy and then a small gift from us, one from both siblings to the other and one each from my parents/ILs.

Hope this helps.