Page 4 | If some misery tells your child there is no Santa/FC...

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 2017-10-10T05:17:40+00:00

Just occurred to me, since a so called friend did tell dd aged only 5 that there was no Santa, 'it's just a fairytale'. Thank heaven I thought to tell her at once that so called friend had probably been so naughty when she was little that Santa never came, so it was no wonder she didn't no believe in him. Should add that I was helped by the fact that friend had form for rowing, effing and blinding, inc. in front of dd at least once. This worked like a dream, so thought I'd share in case anyone else's dc encounters a misery wanting to spoil the magic.

Imustbemad00 · 10/10/2017 14:11

My oldest is 12. She's not devastated that I lied. In fact she's never even said she doesn't believe anymore. I'm guessing she stopped believing at around 10 but I sill do it for her as I do for the younger one, and she's never mentioned it and is certainly not devastated. I've never known any child be devastated that their parents lied to them about Father Christmas.
Of course we have loads of other traditions, Christmas movies, days out to look at light, ice skating, family. But I remember the excitement of the run up to Christmas believing in fc as a child. It's not about the presents. It's about believing in something that as a child, is pretty exciting.

drspouse · 10/10/2017 14:19

@JustTheWayYouAre indeed - as we believe in the principle behind the nativity story and certainly that Jesus was born roughly where/when the Bible says, we're happy to keep that one up! But that doesn't mean that, when DC2 twigs that the Wise Men from the Nativity scene don't move on their own, she will stop believing in Jesus as a historical figure and likewise in the idea that Christmas is about God's gift to us and our gifts to each other.

And to those who say they "don't see this in real life" - I have seen this with e.g. Guide leaders who wonder whether it's OK to tell their Guides (i.e. 10+), and parents I know who get the hump at the idea of school not completely playing along with the magic (e.g. some slight glimpse of the teacher who's being FC at the school party, while dressing up).

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/10/2017 15:27

Because the magic of santa brings an innocence to children that seems too sadly lost nowadays just can't get my head round that at all. Mind you,I was brought up in a country where it wasn't such a big deal so it all seems a bit odd to me.

I just don't like the fact the people who push it so hard feel the non believers are somehow less innocent and are missing out on wonderful Christmases.

As I said earlier, if Christmas is about who brings the presents perhaps people should look at the true spirit of Christmas and what it means.

TittyGolightly · 10/10/2017 15:30

Innocence equals lack of critical reasoning skills, right? Because you'll believe something impossible if it's presented as fact by those you trust.

Does that mean Nigel Farage is santa for 52% of British adults?! 😱

usernameavailable · 10/10/2017 16:18

Not once have I said that an xmas is any less special to those who choose not to do the santa story. I just say it creates an extra magical story in a childs life. I am sure i dont tell my kids all of the magical stories there are out there. But I just don't see why FC is so controversial.

rainbowstardrops · 10/10/2017 16:38

Jeez, I used to love the 'magic' of Christmas and all it entailed! My kids did too.
I can safely say that none of us have been scarred by 'being lied to' but can recall lovely, fond memories.
I find it sad that some children aren't given the chance to feel the 'magic'. Life can be shit enough, give them some bloody magic for a bit!

I work in a school and remember one 5 yr old finding delight in telling the class that Santa wasn't real because his mum said so.
I remember thinking that was fine and each to their own but make sure your child understands that some families do things differently and don't spoil it for the ones that believe.
I can still see the smile on his face as he told the class

AgathaOHara · 10/10/2017 17:38

We have never told the children that FC is factually real...they've always known it's a fun Christmas game. They visit grottos, leave out mince pies and carrots, get a stocking from "Santa" - hell, I've even left snowy footprints (talc) round the fireplace. They are no less enchanted than any other children & love every second of the whole thing.

I have never, ever understood this need to lie to children's faces. Nothing "magical" about that.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/10/2017 18:17

We have never told the children that FC is factually real...they've always known it's a fun Christmas game. They visit grottos, leave out mince pies and carrots, get a stocking from "Santa" - hell, I've even left snowy footprints (talc) round the fireplace. They are no less enchanted than any other children & love every second of the whole thing

I have never, ever understood this need to lie to children's faces. Nothing "magical" about that

Good post,sums up my feelings completely.

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 10/10/2017 18:17

Agatha I posted these on the other thread about christmas miseries I think it explains it better.

time.com/4343386/roald-dahl-bfg-book-movie/

This is by roald dhals daughter explaining the lenghts her dad went too to make them believe in the BFG, putting ladders to windows, putting bamboo cane in, giving them witches brew and even ruining his lawn to put the letters BFG into it.
The other is spike Milligans daughter talking about the lengths spike went too to make them believe in fairies etc

www.standard.co.uk/news/me-and-my-dad-spike-7298332.html
It was a privilege to be Spike's daughter. I believed in pixies and fairies - I saw them, that's how real he made them. We would have tea parties and we would all get mini letters on tiny pieces of paper in tiny envelopes from them, made by Dad.

Once, on my birthday, he telephoned me in the middle of my party, pretending to be the fairy king. He told me there was a present wrapped in a rose petal at the bottom of the garden. My friends and I went tearing down there. Inside the rose petal was a golden bird cage with a tiny golden bird inside.

Imustbemad00 · 10/10/2017 19:05

People say lie as if it a hurtful form deceit. I lie to my kids regularly, for example my son beloved he is Spider-Man at the moment, I go along with this. Is that kid hurting him? He believes in superheroes and flying. Helps imagination brings him a lot of joy, and hours of play. That's all fc is. It's not actually about him bringing the presents, for me as a kid I got plenty of presents from parents and family, as well as fc. It's the build up, knowing fc is getting ready, visiting a grotto, writing a wish list, talking about his reindeer and how he flies, the elves, them on Xmas even the excitement of knowing he's coming in his sleigh, leaving milk and cookies out. The joy of believing in a magical figure is great for kids.
As mentioned above, similar to believing in fairies. What harm does it do to "lie to kids faces" in those circumstances.

I'm glad my parents lied to me otherwise like some on here, I would never understand.

Imustbemad00 · 10/10/2017 19:07

So many typos in anove post. Auto correct is annoying

mrsRosaPimento · 10/10/2017 19:10

If it was a fairy tail, why would NASA track him round the planet?

usernameavailable · 10/10/2017 19:27

Blinking heck! My daughters dad is dying! So what if I tell her a lie to make the world seem less crap! Sorry but I don't believe in heaven, but he will still be flying with the angels when that time comes or that is what she believes so I allow her to believe it
! I don't believe that when I play teddy bear picnic with my youngest that I am eating real sandwiches and the teddys are telling me all about their day - but I still talk to them!
I don't believe that when my 3 year old tells me that today at nursery they went on a magical adventure to the bottom of the sea! I still told her she had sand in her hair from her adventure when I bathed her!
When we 'lie' to our kids we are not being malicious we are giving them love!
I hope those saying that lying to kids is bad have never been anything but truthful to them. Sorry teddy bears dont talk, no magical adventure you were sitting on the carpet in nursery, oh and sorry baby girl but your dad has died, he isnt with the angels he is in an urn ready to be scattered!
This thread has become ridiculous! If i tell my child there is santa then thats fine! If you don't that is also fine. If you disagree with lying to your kids qnd are being judgmental then i hope you never lie to yours!!!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/10/2017 21:02

There's a big difference between a child's imagination and an adult insisting something is true and going to ridiculous lengths to ensure the child believes.

Sorry you're having a tough time user

DaisysStew · 10/10/2017 21:11

I don't think it's right for a random person to burst the Santa bubble for a kid but she's right - he's not real and at some point or other your child will find out.

My siblings ruined it for me when I
was about 4. I still loved Christmas and enjoyed the whole Santa thing despite knowing it was just a bit of fun... and that's what it should be - a bit of fun, not anything to get worked up over.

martellandginger · 10/10/2017 21:25

I remember being really pissed off and I still am to be honest, that my Mum told me I didn’t like cream eggs! I believed her and of course the reality is I bloody love them. Don’t remember being annoyed when I found out Santa wasn’t real.

C8H10N4O2 · 10/10/2017 21:43

this was an adult who deliberately and maliciously (she knew I'd be upset about it) told my dd there was no Santa

So you maliciously lied about her child instead addressing her like an adult? I'm struggling to see a difference between two adults behaving like malicious children.

PodgeBod · 10/10/2017 21:48

She didn't say her child was naughty, she said adult friend was naughty as a child.

PodgeBod · 10/10/2017 21:54

Personally, I don't remember ever actually believing in Father Christmas, perhaps because I had older siblings (5 and 4 years older) who probably found out and spilled the beans early on. I'm going to tell my children that he is real though. Let them have some magic.
Completely agree with you Username and for everything you are going through.

RideOn · 10/10/2017 22:00

When my son was 4.5 years old he some time in the run up to Christmas worried that he wasnt good enough. At no other time would I describe him as unconfident, maybe somewhat an introvert, but it was because on a regular basis adults would let him he had to be "good" to get a present from Santa. At the beginning I spoke to just him about this but then had to start interupting people (and continue doing) to point out -
SANTA IS NOT JUDGEMENT! FFS. He is the opposite!! He randomly gives a gift to children in the middle of the night once a year!!

After that I refer to Santa as something we "do" at Christmas and make it a game. I havent asked my (now 4DC) aged 9,7,4,2 if they still believe but I suspect the oldest 2 know it is a game.

Trills · 10/10/2017 22:40

Personally, I don't remember ever actually believing in Father Christmas

Me neither.

I remember playing the game of Father Christmas but I never thought it was real real. I thought it was a game.

TittyGolightly · 11/10/2017 06:59

This popped up on my FB this morning. It's a good summary for me. (I'm also an "NT" MBTI type so perhaps that explains something. Maybe DD is too.)

www.racheous.com/respectful-parenting/why-we-dont-do-santa/

PurpleDaisies · 11/10/2017 07:10

There's a big difference between a child's imagination and an adult insisting something is true and going to ridiculous lengths to ensure the child believes

This is also my opinion. I can't understand the contortions some parents go through to keep their children believing when they've naturally realised that Santa isn't real.

MaisyPops · 11/10/2017 07:12

There's a big difference between a child's imagination and an adult insisting something is true and going to ridiculous lengths to ensure the child believes
This. ^^

And yet many people who push santa and the tooth fairy hate school doing a christian nativity because it's a made up story and it should be kept out of school!

Anyway, adults shouldn't reveal the truth to children who aren't theirs but it was a short sighted thing to do when OP has said santa doesn't come to people who are naughty.

I can see it now after the holidays, kids talking about how many lresents they got etc and a poorer child didn't get as much. OPs child pipes up: 'you jist need to be nicer this year. Santa doesnt do nice lresents for naughty children'

Littlegreyauditor · 11/10/2017 08:12

I like Terry Pratchett’s reasoning, from Hogfather:

^“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.^

Sorry for the weird formatting-it’s a big quote.