What has changed that I haven't gotten the memo?

[BiddyPop]

When I was small, Christmas was about Baby Jesus being born, and all the family coming together. Yes there were presents and decorations and outings and Santa and all that too. But the focus was mostly on family and some on Church.

Nowadays, Christmas is all about the children and presents. If you don't have small DCs, it seems as though you don't matter. Everything must be aimed around the children and their timetable - no waiting for communal opening of presents after lunch or whenever the agreed time is. The DCs are allowed to run around underfoot while certain adults are working hard to get the meal ready but you can't give out to those DCs as "its Christmas and all about the DCs and they are enjoying their new toys". Nor are you allowed to have a quiet chat as adults in 1 corner without those DCs pulling out of you and their parents being upset if you ignore them for 5 minutes to finish the conversation they interrupted.

Alcohol has always been part of it. But it seems like you are now expected to have buck's fizz or even prosecco with breakfast and keep going all day and long into the night. This having followed wild nights out on multiple occasions in the run up. If you don't participate in everything, you are "an old spoilsport" or worse.

Asking for a quiet afternoon at some point over the short break, when its been a busy year and festive season which has utterly exhausted you, is verboten as "it's Christmas, we need to see you!" - having seen me yesterday and tomorrow and the day after that. And also bearing in mind I have to fit in the other side of the family at some point before getting back home to our house. And fit in a few friends and other family when we do get back home.

Expectations for presents have risen exponentially - and extortionately. Between the marketers thinking that you should spend £100 on a phone for your friend, or £,000s on a watch or diamonds for your OH, and teens and younger adults expecting that you will cough up the good stuff.

Or the opposite - when one group turns around 6 days before Christmas to say that they have organized a completely different arrangement to usual (and a communal gift from them) when you have already purchased and possibly even wrapped the 15 individual gifts for them!

Is it just me, am I getting old, or has Christmas changed so much over the past - not even 20 years, or 10, I think it's the past 4/5 years.

Too scared to put this in AIBU, but fully expecting to be flamed.

Oh BiddyPop

You do sound shattered. You lead a busy, full on life and I'm not surprised you feel as you do.

Christmas has changed but I think it's down to many factors - we are now so used to "luxuries" that, for some people, the expectation surrounding Christmas is huge. 'The Perfect Christmas' is everwhere, all over social media, TV and even bloody bus stops so avoiding the hype gets harder. I know a couple who have told their respective families that they are working on Christmas Day in order to avoid the emotional blackmail.

There are always going to be people who have an opinion on how you behave and to the extent to which you join in. That's their issue. There are a handful of people whose opinion matters to me - anyone else's I just shrug off with a smile while inwardly seething and striking them off my Christmas card list

I think a break from the norm next year is in order - too late for this year. Sew the seed this year and say "we're off skiing/hiking the Appalachian Trail/to lie on a beach in Thailand next year"

Hope you find a bit of time to recharge your batteries.

Merry Christmas to you x

OP don't want to be harsh but have you thought how your family might view you? You sound truly miserable, grumpy about the kids, grumpy about gift exchanges, grumpy about alcohol! These are not new things they have always been a part of christmas! You are even grumpy that people include you in things! If you don't like it remove yourself from it, no one can make you be there! And I expect abuse here but if someone was nagging my kids on Christmas Day I'd tell them to be quiet! The rules on Christmas Day are very different in my house eg choccy for breakfast! But they don't run wild but of course your more relaxed than usual it's the most exciting day of the year! And although we have a fab time as adults from me being small to now Christmas has always been 'all about the kids'!

OP, you mentioned an invitation next week that you don't want to accept. One thing that's helped me is when I get invitations that I don't want to accept, I simply say 'Thank you for the invitation, I'm sorry we can't come'. I don't give any reason - then the person who invited can't come back with ways to make it work, which definitely helps my stress levels!

Thank you all for the metaphorical kick I needed. MrsD stop - you'll make me cry

I've been put on steroids and antibiotics this morning for the sinus problems I can't shift (dripping into my chest and making my asthma flare) so that probably really isn't helping. But I am working on my attitude

Your OP sounds like you're saying that Christmas has changed over the last 4-5 years. It hasn't. Grown ups were moaning about the commercialisation of Christmas 40 years ago. It must be your Christmas that has changed.

You're a people pleaser who doesn't really enjoy the role and sound determined to martyr yourself. It must be difficult but it would benefit you enourmously to learn to say no without guilt and please yourself first and foremost. Help yourself first and you're in a better place to help others.

It all depends on you, how you raise your children and the adults you assosicate with.

The consumerism, whether that manifests as excessive present-buying, eating, drinking, partying or whatever is largely optional although there's only so far that an individual can be divorced from the rest of society without a feeling of alienation from either side.

That said, if an actual alien was to descend on Britain in December 2016 I'm not entirely certain that he or she would make the connection with the birth of Christ. I am a non-Christian born and raised in a non-Christian society, but I have always been aware of the religious significance of the festival. Look around now and Jesus seems to have been airbrushed out of it all; I could not, for example, find a single pack of Christmas cards anywhere in my local mall which showed anything obviously Christian, and religious carols - as opposed to modern Christmas songs about anything other than the nativity - seem to be a very minority interest.