Present of clothes from ExMIL

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

My ExMil buys both my DDs loads of clothes for Christmas every year. She must spend a fortune. They are always very pretty and a formal, but they often don't get worn very often, if at all. My DDs are also both very tall and she will buy clothes in their actual age rather than they size they need. (they both take two ages above) I'm almost divorced from her son. It's been very hard and unpleasant four years. She hasn't spoken to me since I left him, so I can't ask her to return the unwanted items. I hate the waste of clothing that they refuse to wear. So, which is the least offensive:
Just asking her to steer clear of clothes (could be seen as being difficult and obstructive), giving her a list of toys and books they might like instead (she could just ask the DDs) or giving her a list of clothes they need and would get use from and the sizes. (might look presumptuous)

[Imchangingmyname]

Yes can't you just tell her/him the correct size to buy? Then at least they would fit and jumpers are always useful in the Winter are they not? There's no way anyone could take offence or think you were being awkward just by stating the correct size.

[happyinthesunshine]

Could you write a thank you letter with the children saying how much you love the clothes but for some reason the sizes are coming up small.
Ask her for the exchange labels from Boden etc to return them for bigger sizes. Then explain that the larger sizes will come to her house and the children would like to come to her to try them on.
Then she gets them for a few hours fun and sees them in their new clothes. They also get fitting clothes.

[QuackDuckQuack]

You could leave them in the wardrobe with their tags still on and eBay them next year once the risk of her asking them to wear them has gone. Those brands would probably sell well.

[Kirriemuir]

Couldn't you just write her a letter and tell her? If you cause problems so what, at least you've done your best.

[Somerville]

Given all the prior unpleasantness, I would leave it. I don't think it's worth stirring everything up for, and I think that your ex and his mother will choose to see you as being awkward.

Your girls are getting old enough to moan to their father that she sends things that don't fit/they don't like. When they start doing that then he'll probably update his mother on their actual sizes and preferences.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Definitely don't try and change the type of presents she enjoys giving, that would cause offence.

Trying to get her to buy toys instead might seem a way of getting more use out of presents, and it is something people tend todo nowadays. But, it used to be seen as rude and grasping by some people so likely to be seen the same way now by her and your stbxh.

I would try and get her to buy the right sizes though, nothing wrong in that.

[NightNightBadger19962]

In these circumstances, I would not say anything. Your ex should be receiving and thanking for the presents, surely. If not, then I would just accept the waste as a cost of maintaining a civil relationship and not appearing to be rude or ungrateful, and also model to my children that even unwanted gifts should be graciously received, if from people who care about us and whose feelings might be hurt otherwise. The charity shop can benefit a bit further down the line when you can freely pass them on.

[Wayfarersonbaby]

I'd think the easiest thing (and liable to cause the least offence) would be to let her know what the correct sizes are. Send a card to her around now, saying you and the girls always love the clothes she so kindly chooses for them and are so looking forward to seeing her at Christmas; and by the way they have really shot up and are now sizes x and y, just so she knows, how time flies doesn't it! And maybe something about how you would love to see her and miss chatting to her.

Then at least if she buys clothes that are not quite to your/your girls' taste, they can still wear them once or twice to see Granny/for an appropriate formal occasion. TBH if she is 80 then there is no point trying to change things more than that - she obviously gets pleasure from buying the things and it's probably not worth trying to intervene further.