Present of clothes from ExMIL

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

My ExMil buys both my DDs loads of clothes for Christmas every year. She must spend a fortune. They are always very pretty and a formal, but they often don't get worn very often, if at all. My DDs are also both very tall and she will buy clothes in their actual age rather than they size they need. (they both take two ages above) I'm almost divorced from her son. It's been very hard and unpleasant four years. She hasn't spoken to me since I left him, so I can't ask her to return the unwanted items. I hate the waste of clothing that they refuse to wear. So, which is the least offensive:
Just asking her to steer clear of clothes (could be seen as being difficult and obstructive), giving her a list of toys and books they might like instead (she could just ask the DDs) or giving her a list of clothes they need and would get use from and the sizes. (might look presumptuous)

[Wayfarersonbaby]

I'd think the easiest thing (and liable to cause the least offence) would be to let her know what the correct sizes are. Send a card to her around now, saying you and the girls always love the clothes she so kindly chooses for them and are so looking forward to seeing her at Christmas; and by the way they have really shot up and are now sizes x and y, just so she knows, how time flies doesn't it! And maybe something about how you would love to see her and miss chatting to her.

Then at least if she buys clothes that are not quite to your/your girls' taste, they can still wear them once or twice to see Granny/for an appropriate formal occasion. TBH if she is 80 then there is no point trying to change things more than that - she obviously gets pleasure from buying the things and it's probably not worth trying to intervene further.

[NightNightBadger19962]

In these circumstances, I would not say anything. Your ex should be receiving and thanking for the presents, surely. If not, then I would just accept the waste as a cost of maintaining a civil relationship and not appearing to be rude or ungrateful, and also model to my children that even unwanted gifts should be graciously received, if from people who care about us and whose feelings might be hurt otherwise. The charity shop can benefit a bit further down the line when you can freely pass them on.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Definitely don't try and change the type of presents she enjoys giving, that would cause offence.

Trying to get her to buy toys instead might seem a way of getting more use out of presents, and it is something people tend todo nowadays. But, it used to be seen as rude and grasping by some people so likely to be seen the same way now by her and your stbxh.

I would try and get her to buy the right sizes though, nothing wrong in that.

[Somerville]

Given all the prior unpleasantness, I would leave it. I don't think it's worth stirring everything up for, and I think that your ex and his mother will choose to see you as being awkward.

Your girls are getting old enough to moan to their father that she sends things that don't fit/they don't like. When they start doing that then he'll probably update his mother on their actual sizes and preferences.

[Kirriemuir]

Couldn't you just write her a letter and tell her? If you cause problems so what, at least you've done your best.

[QuackDuckQuack]

You could leave them in the wardrobe with their tags still on and eBay them next year once the risk of her asking them to wear them has gone. Those brands would probably sell well.

[happyinthesunshine]

Could you write a thank you letter with the children saying how much you love the clothes but for some reason the sizes are coming up small.
Ask her for the exchange labels from Boden etc to return them for bigger sizes. Then explain that the larger sizes will come to her house and the children would like to come to her to try them on.
Then she gets them for a few hours fun and sees them in their new clothes. They also get fitting clothes.

[Imchangingmyname]

Yes can't you just tell her/him the correct size to buy? Then at least they would fit and jumpers are always useful in the Winter are they not? There's no way anyone could take offence or think you were being awkward just by stating the correct size.

[KC225]

Can the girls ask for vouchers from Boden and La redoute so they can have fun choosing their own clothes? Both do less formal clothes that the children may get more wear from.

[QuiteLikely5]

The woman would not take offence at being told the correct clothing size. That I'm certain of.

[d270r0]

Honestly I wouldn't say anything at all. If you do it will come across as rude. She wants to get clothes for her grandchildren and she wants to pick them and choose things she likes. If the items will not fit, keep the labels on, sell them on ebay and use he money to buy them other clothes, or regift if possible/clothes are suitable. I really don't think you should say anything, it will upset her.

[TheABC]

Quietky Ebay the unwanted clothes on the basis it would be a pity to waste money. Moving forward, get your girls to write santa letters saying what they would like and forward copies to the ExH/MiL with a breezy note saying they are now Xxx size if you were thinking of clothes and shoes. That way, they get the choice, you are not seen as dictating (kids will confirm this!) and if your MIL insists on clothes in the future, at least you know you tried.

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

BigFatTent - I'm trying to figure out the solution that will cause the least amount of upset. I can hear exDH saying "my mum bought the kids beautiful clothes and she sold them and bought a load of rubbish" etc etc
I'm hoping to find a way for my exMil to buy things the kids will enjoy, like or use.

[BigFatTent]

Rather than give them away could you sell them on and at least given the girls some money to buy something they like?

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

Mango - that is a great idea. I might try that!

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

And she must spend £200 on clothes for each of them, plus stocking fillers, selection boxes etc.
The one year I made up a list of items snd divided the suggestions between my exDH, exMIL, my divorced parents etc etc, I was accused of 'leaving all the shit' for his family. I thought one Barbie was the same as another, but obviously not!

[MangoBiscuit]

Does your ex have the children overnight? Can you send the clothes to be kept at his? (as well as sending your DDs with a bag of things from home each time so they have things to wear that fit)

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

What happens now is that they hang, unused in the wardrobe. After a few months, I either donate them to charity or give them to my sisters' kids. It is just a waste of money for my exMil, and joyless for my two.

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

Imperial - my ex would accuse me of being difficult
Lancelottie - neither child ever want to wear any of the items regardless of the size. It's like MIL panics and buys a funny mix of very junior looking things, formal party dresses, tights and knitwear.
Memyself - I have considered this but worried the kids might tell her or my ex. Or that there will be some family party that she will ask them to wear their 'good dress' or 'good jumper' to.

[memyselfandaye]

Sell them on ebay and use the money to buy clothes you would prefer.

[Lancelottie]

You could halve the problem by giving the age 10 things to the tall 7 yr old, so at least you only have to swap one lot.

[ImperialBlether]

I assume you can't ask your ex to talk to her about it?

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

There is no contact between her and me at all. We used to be very close.

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

*Don't blame her

[SpermThroughASashWindow]

Often the clothes are from Boden, La Redoute etc so they are hard to exchange. I have returned Marks things, but only for bigger sizes. I'm worried that I will look like the cold ex who rejects her choices if I swap them.
She has never left the house with the children, even in their prams for a walk. She won't collect them from school so definitely won't take them shopping. She doesn't drive and is almost 80 so I don'(my blane her tbh! The kids are 7 and 10.