What to tell 8 yo about Santa

[oobedobe]

So DD1 has come home from school full of questions. A 'friend' said Santa is dumb, and its the parents etc. This has upset my DD as she is fairly young for her year and only just turned 8, still likes to (half) believe in magic, fairies, Easter bunny etc.

So is this the time to tell her the cold hard truth?

I have been evasive and tried to focus on the magic of Christmas and how it is a lovely time of year with traditions etc, I have never pushed the Santa thing really hard, though we do visit him at the mall and follow on Norad. But I do feel sad telling her outright that Santa is no real.

What have others done in this situation?

"We always just used the simple idea that if you didn't believe in Santa you couldn't get any presents from him"

How does that work for a child who knows that Santa isn't real? You either believe in something or you don't, belief isn't something you can turn on or off at will.

Would anyone tell a child that if they didn't believe in the Baby Jesus they wouldn't get presents?

Oh and I agree that stating that not believing in FC means no presents or no stocking. They must be free to believe or not believe, without fear. And lack of presents is a real fear for kids.
So when having those conversations about if he's real or not, in the phase where they are not quite sure, you can also be clear that there will always be lots of presents for everyone. And when you have are having the conversation about him not being real, be really clear they can carry on doing stockings if they want.....it makes the disappointment about Santa a bit less disappointing. I think most children actually feel a certain smugness at the realisation - they feel a bit clever and grown up to have worked it out, even if a bit sad too. And it's at that point that you also mention the importance of keeping the secret for little ones - help them feel conspiratorial in keeping it real for little believers.

Why is it lovely that 11 year olds believe in Father Christmas? hmm

Some of the 10/11 year olds I work with are very aware of current affairs and have opinions on the referendum to leave Europe and the US presidential elections.
It does seem incredible that some children of that age wouldn't even question the existence of FC. Whilst obviously I would never tell them outright, I would be a bit surprised if they seemed to still genuinely believe and would hope a parent told them before they went to secondary school.

Sorry - want clear at start. Saying not believing means no presents is definitely a bad idea.

"The thing I don't like is when it becomes all about the parents. We might wish they believed for longer, but they all reach a point where they realise or want to know the reality....and as parents it is up to us to provide that for them.....not to indulge ourselves and promote a fantasy to a child who wants to know the truth. It is denying them the chance to just grow up a little....and they should be able to do that, when they are ready."

This x100. And anyone who says that it is "hard work" keeping the "Christmas Magic" going or says that parents who tell their children are "lazy" is doing it for them not the child.

Completely agree with ChocolateWombat, well put.

My 8 yr old DS asked if FC was real this year, he said people in his class said it was their mums and dads. He seemed a bit sad so I asked him what he thought. He said he thought FC was real so I said if that was what he believed then that is what's true. If he had said he thought FC was made up I'd have agreed. I can see he knows the truth but doesn't like it so we will all play along - possibly forever!