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Christmas

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Original poster

What to tell 8 yo about Santa

57 replies

oobedobe · 25/10/2016 00:57

So DD1 has come home from school full of questions. A 'friend' said Santa is dumb, and its the parents etc. This has upset my DD as she is fairly young for her year and only just turned 8, still likes to (half) believe in magic, fairies, Easter bunny etc.

So is this the time to tell her the cold hard truth?

I have been evasive and tried to focus on the magic of Christmas and how it is a lovely time of year with traditions etc, I have never pushed the Santa thing really hard, though we do visit him at the mall and follow on Norad. But I do feel sad telling her outright that Santa is no real.

What have others done in this situation?

OP posts:

Cel982 · 25/10/2016 14:47

I'd be gutted if my 9 year old questioned it - in our school/local area, most parents are very much into the innocence of kids and prolonging that. There's plenty of time for reality to sink in. I remember my dn asking my brother at age 9, he told her the truth and she was gutted and after a few days went up to him and said she wished he'd lied!

Hey, I'm all about the magic of Christmas and the joy of innocent belief in Santa, there's nothing like it. But most kids develop a natural scepticism about these kinds of things and start to question them somewhere around the mid-primary years. I don't think preserving the myth in the face of their reasonable questioning at that stage is particularly helpful. And the end of belief certainly doesn't have to mean the end of Christmas traditions; we still had stockings on our house until our mid-20s In fact, if you ask my mother now she still persists in her 'Santa is real' story. (I never asked her once I had worked it out for myself.)

BertrandRussell · 25/10/2016 14:52

"We always just used the simple idea that if you didn't believe in Santa you couldn't get any presents from him"

So they have to keep on pretending and possibly feeling ridiculous about it because otherwise they won't get presents?

That is utterly bizarre!!!

It's all about the parents. All this "Christmas magic" guff. Christmas is lovely, and fun. But it doesn't have to be a bloody exhausting three ring circus, with kids having to humour their parents in case they don'5 get any presents........

MiddleClassProblem · 25/10/2016 14:58

That is sad that if they don't believe anymore they don't get presents! Like they've done something wrong!

Buttercupsandaisies · 25/10/2016 19:43

My kids go to a very religious RC school and it has no impact at all.

Buttercupsandaisies · 25/10/2016 19:49

Bert - Spme may say it's rather sad that people are thinking of GCSEs in year 6!

To be fair if DD asked at 11 I would tell her but I don't see any reason to tell her out right.

As for the above comment about it being about the parents - in my experience it's the other way round. Most people I know who've told their kids have told them out of their own laziness!

Floralnomad · 25/10/2016 19:53

We always did FC as a fantasy type figure , neither of my DC ever really 'believed' but we still put mince pies and carrots out and went to see FC , no lack of magic here and my DC are now 17+ . I dont see how anyone 10+ really believes ,it's just illogical .

Buttercupsandaisies · 25/10/2016 19:55

Actuallu I must admit mine have never questioned it so it's easier I suppose for me to keep it going. I can understand that others have more difficulty if it involves actually lying about it 🙂

Buttercupsandaisies · 25/10/2016 19:55

Floral - I took mine to Lapland a few years ago - even I came back believing😂

booellesmum · 25/10/2016 20:05

Mine are 15 and 12.
I have never told them. Whenever they have asked I have told them it's up to them whether they believe or not - but once they stop writing Santa a letter the Santa sack will stop being delivered!
They will both write a letter again this year!

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 25/10/2016 20:19

I told mine that there was an original Santa and the responsibility is passed down through the generations, when he was born I was passed the responsibility of Santa's legacy, and when he has children of his own, the mantle will be passed to him too. Santa is "real" in that the legacy and therefore the magic is kept alive by each generation. He knows there is no magic elf plopping chocolate coins down the chimney, but there is a part of Santa that is still real for him. Not too brutal.

Original poster

oobedobe · 26/10/2016 01:42

Thanks for all the different replies, food for thought indeed. I am amazed at kids older than 11 believing though!

DD1 hasn't mentioned it again today, so I will let it lie for now. If I can see she is really struggling with 'the truth' then I will go down the 'legacy of Santa' route which is nice. I know part of it is she doesn't want to look stupid in front of 'know it all' friends.

I certainly don't want to tell bold face lies and swear blind that he is real, cause in a year or so she will probably google the answer and be mad at me! Yes prolonging the magic is great, but I agree that it is normal to question it at 8/9, I know Christmas will still be great without believing in Santa Claus.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 26/10/2016 08:49

"Most people I know who've told their kids have told them out of their own laziness!"

I really don't understand this. Why is it "lazy"?

Iusedtobecarmen · 26/10/2016 09:11

Ive just wrote a long post but accidently deleted it..but basically there are some miserable buggers on here.
Its perfectly normal to believe in santa at 8 and even 11!!
God childhood goes so quick .
Some people are so damned serious or politically correct.
Id hardly call keeping the magic of Christmas alive is lying to your kids!!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/10/2016 09:21

I was brought up in a country where NY is celebrated more than Xmas and no one insists FC is a real human. So I just find the whole thing a but odd when people insist he's real to their kids.

The magic of Xmas in our house is not about who brings your presents.

Saying that, I can assure you no one is having a miserable Xmas here and we all do stockings even the pets get them!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/10/2016 09:22

I'm not sure why people equate childhood innocence with believing in FC.

BertrandRussell · 26/10/2016 09:23

And because we're a family of mixed cultures, we put shoes out too. And The Theee Kings drop by as well. My children are 15 and 20........

DollyBarton · 26/10/2016 09:28

Children are well able to enjoy the fun of Santa while knowing he's not real. I did it for years. Don't say flat out he's not real, you take away the child's ability to play along. But a conspiratory wink and a 'of course he's real' to an 8 year old let's them know you know they've wised up but that it's fine for them to keep playing along. A soft landing.

Floralnomad · 26/10/2016 10:00

If the magic of Christmas is purely whether or not Santa is real or believed I feel very sorry for you . The magic of Christmas in our house starts in November and goes through to Dec27th with all our Christmas traditions - none of which rely on a man in a red suit .

Milanisabadman · 26/10/2016 10:25

Totally agree with everything Dame has said. The magic is in the time spent together as a family unit and can continue without FC in the frame.

Yawnyawnallday · 26/10/2016 10:30

Watch Polar Express and Arthur Christmas with them. Excellent for those doubting to eek out a little more belief and not feel dumb about it. And to accept that others don't believe.
Me, I'm waiting till after the last Christmas in year 6 (not sure when) to tell her. If she hasn't sussed it by then. Before high school, in other words.

Yawnyawnallday · 26/10/2016 10:32

And of course you don't need FC to have a lovely family time.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/10/2016 11:06

I asked my ds when he was quite little what the best bit about Xmas is and I was fully expecting presents to be the answer but he surprised me by saying he like laying/decorating the table for Xmas dinner.

There's enough magic in that for me

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 26/10/2016 11:19

I won't say anything to my 8y old. He believes and I love the innocence of it all.

Why spoil something unless they say they don't believe anymore.

BertrandRussell · 26/10/2016 11:52

I will never understand why people equate innocence with ignorance.........

ChocolateWombat · 26/10/2016 12:04

I think FC is fine, for the time children believe it themselves. It is a magical part of childhood....but it ends and that is fine too.

There is a phase when children aren't quite sure. Mperhaps because of what others have said, or just because their own logic grows. In this phase, I would answer questions quite vaguely - neither actively promoting FC or denying him.

Once children are asking very direct questions and really want to know, I would be honest with them. They are ready at that point.

The thing I don't like is when it becomes all about the parents. We might wish they believed for longer, but they all reach a point where they realise or want to know the reality....and as parents it is up to us to provide that for them.....not to indulge ourselves and promote a fantasy to a child who wants to know the truth. It is denying them the chance to just grow up a little....and they should be able to do that, when they are ready.

So, I don't have any problem with people having FC even though it's not true, I do t think there is a right time for them to find out and whilst it's a bit sad when they stop believing, it's really not a big deal. We can be a positive part of the finding out experience, rather than a negative part.

Ages do vary, but it seems to me that between 6 and 9 is very much the norm...although earlier and later obv happens too.

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