What do you think about the four gift rule?

[Cupcakeicecream]

Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

What do you generally feel about this. I have never followed this myself but I have tried to cut down more and more each year. It doesnt really make a difference to me as my child has a december birthday so is inundated with more gifts.
I think the idea is quite good if you have a small house or if your child gets lots of gifts but only plays with a select few. At christmas I do consider books and clothes to be gifts whilst some people see them as a necessity. My child obviously gets books and clothes all year around but the books I buy tend to be chosen by my child and are a treat as they would be more expensive or something I wouldnt normally buy the same goes with the clothing such as a favourite character or a particular brand of clothing.

I don't do an actual NEED need, if he needs a toothbrush he'll just get a toothbrush anyway outside of Christmas. For us a 'need' is still something they want, of course, as is the 'read' and 'wear'. But something they need for a hobby they have, or something that works with another toy, or something they need to make them happy

Not for me - there are enough rules to follow in life. Christmas is time for fun, daftness and the joy of giving.

For kids aged about 13/14+ when they start appreciating clothes as presents, and have a sense of things that they need might also be particular things they want, maybe.

For kids younger than that I think it's a bit joyless. No-one could have been a more avid reader than me as a child, I LOVED books; but when I got a new-to-me (second hand) musical instrument (badly needed) and a book for my 12th birthday I felt really deflated. Put on a cheerful face so as not to upset my parents, but it was a real let-down. (I've occasionally given DD some clothes as part of her birthday or Christmas presents, but she doesn't give a fig for clothes so just tosses them aside! Have resolved not to do that from now on!) No, toys are the thing for small children. Older teens can appreciate the four gift rule, but it's a bit dull and Puritan for smaller kids. We don't buy heaps of presents either, and no plastic stuff, but they are all either toys or fun things, stuff DD will really enjoy.

I also don't put anything "practical" like toothbrush or pants in stockings, that seems a bit joyless to me. Some novelty soaps or bubble bath are the exception as they are fun, not stuff you need! Stockings should be for fun bits of things, novelties, things you wouldn't expect or have thought of, plus nice things to eat! And a magazine. Why would Father Christmas want to bring pants?
I try to put in every year:

• the trad satsuma, apple, choc coins
• a magazine (with a free gift)
• a couple more bits of small choc, iced biscuits, candy canes or lollies
• a couple of small toys and games, eg. finger puppets, bouncy ball
• a couple of novelties, eg. a mini snow globe, paper laser, puzzle, disco wand
• something for the bath - novelty soap, fizzer or bath crackles
• some hair accessories in Christmassy colours
• some mini coloured pencils or crayons
• bubble mix

DD is only 3 but she would be at getting a toothbrush in her stocking! Toothbrushing is by far the least favourite part of her day! (Having said that she is getting a Frozen electric toothbrush with her Christmas Eve pyjamas this year, though she knows it comes from me and not from any magical beings ;))

I have children over 14 and they have no interest in clothes. I do however include things like toothbrushes and pants and socks, as its now traditional :) when they were younger it was always fancy ones that they wouldn't necessarily get at other times. However there were also many many things that they wanted. Sackfulls. Most gifts from others were money in an envelope, so we overcompensated a bit. I remember DS2 saying that he didn't know how Santa always managed to bring him stuff he loved that he didn't even know he wanted or had heard off. Proud moment for me. That stuff would never fit in that horrible rhyme.

I did this for the first time last year and, as a pp mentioned, it was great to help with structure.
My children have no extended family that give to them, all presents come from me (and DH). I just decided that we have too much crap I n the house and there is no need for a mountain of presents at Christmas.
I didn't go crazy with the stockings (Santa does those in this house) and I spent about a quarter of what I usually do.
I put a lot of thought into the items I did buy, instead of grabbing things to fill the pile.
All of the children were pleased with what they got and nobody seemed disappointed.

If people don't think it would work for them, don't do it! It works for us because I can't afford to spend a fortune, it stops us falling into the realms of what does DS1 buy DS2 and DD1 and DD2 etc, we all help plan each other's gifts but it doesn't end up plunging me into debt which buying 12 different presents just from the kids to each other plus a mountain of other stuff might well do! I have no judgement whatsoever if people choose to do this and spend a lot and give a lot of gifts. I cannot afford to (and yes I am probably more than a little jealous of people who can buy mountains of gifts for their kids...!)

Want is the big present. Need can be anything - last year I got DS1 a scientific calculator as his "need" which was his favourite present. DD2 got a Hello Kitty lunchbox as her old one was tatty. They like these things! I wouldn't buy something for them just for the sake of sticking to the rhyme, I quite enjoy the challenge of finding things I know they will love in each category. And "need" can be subjective ;) I could say I want a new pair of shoes, I need a new pair of shoes. And I wear a new pair of shoes. That's three new pairs of shoes, yay, best Christmas ever!

Someone up thread asked what if someone wants five presents. I'm not sure I understand - what if someone wants twenty presents?! We have to draw the line somewhere. This works to do that, it helps manage the kids expectations too. If someone wants five presents, well, they don't get five! They get four. We all get four.

We also have a lovely lunch together, we pull crackers, we watch Christmas telly, we drink wine (those of us over 16!) we see family, we play games. Presents are brilliant but it isn't just about the presents for us.

As I said, it works for us, it wouldn't work for everyone, and that's fine :)

put more eloquently than me excellent

Iagree with wiggle, virtue signalling.

My DPs always did this - although I don't know if they actually knew "the rule". And it differed slightly -
Something you want
Something you need
Something to eat and
Something to read

I still do it with DD, in my head. That her stocking gifts should include at least 1 of each category. Lots of fruit, some sweets. Some fun stuff. Some useful stuff like nice undies, hair bobbins (we're usually down to the last few of the "back to school" stash by Christmas), pens/pencils/erasers etc for school... A book (or a few!).

And then something big.

And something under the tree from DH and I - which might be clothes or something else.

And a birthday present the following day.

But the stocking items are generally inexpensive and yet I don't want it all to be tat.

She also gets lots of toys!! Whetehr that's as part of her stocking or big items at Christmas, or at various other times during the year.

We are not totally soulless or dull parents!

Inspired by this thread I did add some books to DS' present list. He has plenty of books as it is but it's always good to have some special books from Santa. :D

We did this for DD's birthday:
Want - playmobil set
need - bike
wear - party.dress and tights
read - pippi long stocking picture book

it worked well, she wasn't hard by. We did it at Christmas too -
want was a playmobil thing
need - a singing elsa
Wear - party.dress
read - babar book.

her stocking had a dvd, my little ponies and other stuff in it.

I like having a system - it stops me from panic buying or buying lots and lots of stuff. I don't really care what other people do. Me and DH are happy, DD is happy. It's all good.

OH and I give only a couple of inexpensive gifts to each other. The kids and grandma get mountains of stuff, lots of it useful or needed, some just fun.

I don't do this.
I get them a combination of things they have asked for and things I know they will like.
They get big sacks for stockings, I wouldn't like to say how many things are in there, some would find it crass I suppose. There's no limit to the value of things I put in there, but they are from FC, so some things will be from their lists, and other things will be random stuff I've picked up.
Things under the tree will be a main present from us, presents from each other bought with their own pocket money and bigger things that won't fit in their sacks. Small things too, I don't really have much of a system, other than 'no crap' (no tat, nothing bought 'just to wrap up something else').
They also have presents under our tree from our friends, neighbours, their school friends, and all my family.
The best thing is seeing the tree fill up with presents leading up to Christmas, I have a wobble wondering if we are spoiling them and dp says "yes, we are. And why the hell not?" We can afford to do it, they aren't ungrateful brats who will destroy everything, they love opening their presents and seeing what they and all of us have got, they get really excited.
Then we go to MILs the next day and do it all over again!
The rhyme isn't getting a look in Chez Cake

I've started thinking about what to get for DD but she won't have the first clue what's going on this year so definitely not lots of things.

She will get a few little things from us, but we will put money into her savings account which will be more useful to her later on. Same will apply for her birthday until she's old enough to say what she would like.

As with all kids of a certain age the wrapping is far more interesting

I like it but find it impossible with a (wonderful) Grandma who insists on buying them each 40 presents.

I grew up with my main gift being second hand, and all my other presents being everyday items wrapped up to bulk it out. I have wonderful memories of Christmas as my Parents did their best. That is why they want to spoil their Grandchildren as they could never spoil me.

Mine are too old to believe in Santa (10, 12 and 14) and we started something similar to this last year. The "want" gift tends to be expensive once they hit their teens, the "need" can be too (new laptop, specialist sports kit etc). I try to make the "wear" a bit special, DS1 for example had a Jack Wills hoodie last year that he really wanted. The read tends to be as new release that they can immerse themselves in over the holidays (DS1 had Geraint Thomas' book last year).

I'm not sure I could have made it work when they were little but it is great for teens and teens.

I don't really think much of it but it's not for me.

My kids don't get toys randomly and for their birthday they get maybe 4 or so presents from us and a big party / day out. When Christmas comes they get loads of presents although it lessens as they get older. Ds is turning 10 this Christmas and will get less than Dd who will be 6.

I get them stuff they want though - I'd buy Dd clothes because she loves them but not ds because they aren't exciting to him.

They always get books though.

I see no need to stick to a rhyme- I feel its very 'one size fits all' and not personalised to the childs needs at all.
My ds wants 2 things, he keeps mentioning them. A remote control car and a playdoh cake making set. Neither of them are huge things, I see no reason at all why I couldn't get him them both, combined cost under £30. However they'd both go under the 'want' category, so with the rhyme he'd only get one! I always do get him loads of books and maybe a dressing up outfit, so thats 'read' and 'wear' sorted I suppose, but I probably wouldn't have 'need' and would probably get him a few other bits as well.

d270r0 - that's why the rhyme is so shit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with people having differing budgets or amount of presents bought or differing categories of gifts etc. None of us live the same life, some people gets tons of gifts from relatives, some get none.

I have no issue with buying my children things they want, need, wear and read at christmas and birthdays, but there will be more than 4 things and they will be mostly stuff they want and as we are going through teen years, most of the wants are small and expensive so the pile is bulked up with things they need such as PJs etc. Books are always a feature anyway.

But it's the sticking to it as if it's some sort of holy grail or virtuousness that I hate.

It's maybe a nice idea for older children or kids stockings. I tend to avoid 'crappy' toys in the stocking and put in wanted things rather than poundshop bits and bobs. Last year, for example, his stocking had a cuddly Baymax, wind up Daleks, Rocky, Zuma and Skye from the Paw Patrol, a Spiderman lunch box with Avengers figures inside, mandarins, a Kinder egg and the toothbrush he asked for. I had two sets of books that ideally would have gone in but they wouldn't fit.

This year his stocking will have Rescue Bots (secondhand), Everest from Paw Patrol, Rocket and Groot teddies, 3 small cars I'm planning to customise for him, mandarins and a toothbrush set. And I now have 2 sets of books which I'll try to fit in. I'm actually going to go for a larger stocking this year. So that's all the rhyme except for something to wear. I was thinking funky socks could be good, kind of traditional. But actually a fun mask could be good as it's a toy that you wear but he wouldn't want to wear it all day.

Its a good system and I will be using for 2yo DD this year. You don't have to religiously stick to the wording, just use it as a guide for a nice variety of presents and moderating the amount of unnecessary 'stuff'. As PP have said the 'need' does not have to be a toothbrush.

She will get small toys and books in her stocking along with clementines from Santa. Then our presents to her will be roughly the same as the rhyme. I always buy a book for her birthday and Christmas anyhow. I have no problem with buying clothes as presents. I grew up very poor and often received clothes as Christmas presents and I was very grateful for them, particularly when I hit my teens. This will be good as she gets older and maybe wants something fashionable but expensive. I don't feel the need to inundate DD with a huge mound of toys, she has plenty bought for her during the year.

No Christmas PJs though as I want her to wear them from mid Dec onwards and no feckin' elf on the shelf

I agree it's very "One size fits all", and wouldn't work for me personally. I don't go overboard at Christmas, and probably will seem quite stingy compared to some posters, but equally my DC don't get loads of "stuff" during the year, only really at special occasions.

I like to think I put a lot of thought into their gifts so they don't get random stuff that is there just for the sake of it, which I think is half the reason people came up with the rhyme anyway, to combat the "piles of stuff" you'd see posted on Facebook.

Good lord no

DS only gets what we buy him. He uses/plays with everything, even 8 months on. We don't have family overloading him with gifts or money. So 4 or 5 presents would be rubbish. And he hates reading. I hate gifting clothes - even to other children.

I imagine a horribly twee cross stitch on burlap when I think of that rhyme. Joyless. But that's just me!