Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Do you know anyone who WOULD'NT appreciate an Oxfam gift?

127 replies

Spagblogganing · 14/12/2006 12:42

You know, those gifts of goats, medicines etc.

I am wondering whether to send a gift of 25 trees to my aunt and uncle. We never meet up with them, and I don't know them very well...

What do you think?
Anyone brave enough to admit on here that they wouldn't like it as a gift themselves?

OP posts:
tallulah · 16/12/2006 10:20

I wouldn't be happy with this at all, as I believe I said on last year's thread. It does come across as holier-than-thou. By all means ask other people to do this for you if that's how you feel but unless you are 100% sure that the person you are doing this for will appreciate the gesture then don't. As others have said, if you are choosing the charity and the "gift" irrespective of how the "recipient" feels, why not just do it on your own behalf?

(I have no problem at all with people giving to charity, it's doing it on behalf of someone else that seems odd).

Tinker · 16/12/2006 12:15

Uki - but no-one has said don't give to charity so not sure why you're getting all het up. A present, if you wish to give one, should surely be something that the recipient might like. Is that really so contraversial? Doesn't have to cost ££££££££. But if you are going to give, stop making it something which only makes the giver feel good. And worse, makes the recipient feel churlish for not wanting it. Don't give at all if you're not going to give something which would be appreciated.

Chandra · 16/12/2006 12:22

I think the problem is not the charity aspect of it but doing charity in someone else's [unauthorised] behalf.

Sobernoel · 16/12/2006 12:39

I think it's far more selfish of adults to expect presents as a measure of how they are regarded by their own family fgs.

I'm not holier than thou about it - I'm only doing relevant charity gifts for teachers, as I said.

But now this thread has made me more determined to give charity gifts for adults next year - I'm amazed that anyone would actually be angry about having 30 children's eyesight restored on their behalf.

flack · 16/12/2006 12:42

I would absolutely LOVE it if someone "gave" me a midwife or planted trees, for a gift. Much preferred to any material items. Not sure about the goat/cow, apparently they can do a lot of damage to the local environment. But still better than a material gift.

Unfortunately everyone who cares enough to buy me a gift doesn't get that at all. They themselves would hate receiving such. And unless I give close instructions, will instead buy me something I don't appreciate + just send off to charity shop at first opportunity.

Tinker · 16/12/2006 12:46

Well donate the money anyway just don't broadcast what you're doing, which is what rankles about this. It's the "Look at me, I'm a better person than you but I haven't got the courage to say xmas is a load of commercialised shite and I'm not buying for anyone" I couldn't give a toss about receiving presents but getting one of these "I'm marvellous me, so concerned" would make me think very differently of the giver.

mears · 16/12/2006 12:54

I am going to be really cheeky and pop onto this thread and ask you to look at the video on the top of this link here

This is a Christmas appeal to rebuild Bottom Hospital in Malawi. Some of you may know I was in Malawi this year and visited it. It really is as bad as it looks.

The thought of mothers here supporting mothers across the world is a warming one for Christmas. Each donation is being matched by Sir Tom Hunter, a Scottish millionaire. I know there are lots of deserving causes but I have been there and would like to raise awaremenss. Have tried starting a few threads but mumsnet is so busy these days they are quickly lost.

Apologies in advance for being so rude...

Sobernoel · 16/12/2006 12:57

But if people are expecting something, how do you give a charity present without telling them you've done it?

And fwiw I do think it's 'better' to give money to Oxfam than Lever Brothers/Rupert Murdoch/Philip Green or one of the other four men who own every shop in every city. Not that I'm a better person, but that addressing poverty is a better cause. Sorry if that makes people think less of me.

motherinfurrierfestivefrock · 16/12/2006 12:58

I've just given my parents - who are quite well-off- an Oxfam market stall for Christmas. They're hard to buy for, only really want books which they buy themselves, and will be more delighted with the hand-painted aprons from the Inferiorettes than anything else.

And instead of Christmas cards everyone's getting part of a donation to the Medical Foundation for the Care of Victims of Torture. Hey, yes, it makes me feel good. But it's money that probably I wouldn't be giving otherwise, and needs to be given.

So shoot me now. In a non-violent, participative way, of course

Sobernoel · 16/12/2006 13:01

Have you wrapped barbed wire round your advent candle MI?

Mercy · 16/12/2006 13:26

When dh gave his parents a charity gift he certainly didn't feel holier than thou, and neither did he broadcast the fact.

You are making a lot of assumptions as to why some people choose a charity gift.

It gets very difficult after many years of trying to think of presents for people and in dh's case, postage often costs more than the presents.

And his family did appreciate the gifts (well, MIL didn't but that's a whole different story).

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 16/12/2006 13:42

There's no rule either that you can get only a charity gift- I would notrmally spend £15 on MIl, for something that will either be thrown away, given to the dog or pushed on top of the wardrobe (presumably so I will find it after she's gone and realise my money was wasted- yes she does think like that). So £10 (half of an alpaca) lus a box of nice chocolates is fine I think. I always include something to unwrap, even if just a nice bar of fair trade chocolate (for the teachers).

I'm certain there are plenty of people in the world who would choose a charity gift over the ubiquitous socks / box of ferrero rocher / cheap aftershave.

As for give to charity and then buy presents- um, where is the extra money going to come from? It just isn't there.

As I said eatr;ier, I think these gifts are excellent, thought needs to be put in re the recipient but isn't that the whole point of Christmas gufts? To choose something they wuld like? Whether that be a charity gift or a bottle of bubbly, people differ and it really is the thining about the recipient that is the whole point, surely?

mears · 16/12/2006 13:44

Guess that didn't work then

Mercy · 16/12/2006 13:54

Mears, I looked at your link.

Tinker · 16/12/2006 14:31

If money is short, don't buy presents. What's the dilemma? I don't understand this "expecting" presents nonsense. If you are buying for someone who expects one, then giving a goat isn't giving them one anyway? So how are you solving that issue?

I assume all these givers sell their own presents on ebay and give the money to charity.

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 16/12/2006 14:46

Tinker, i will be getting a lamp I need, a black and decker hedge trimmer and a book I need for my dissertation at Uni; hardly luxury Though what I want). And I do ask for charity gifts, often have.

My recipients will appreciate it I know, they do similar things. So where exactly is the problem???? If I bought for people who wouldn't like it then yes, OK. But I dnon't. I carefully worked out what they would like.

Whether MIl likes hers remains to be seen but that's a very special situation with complicated dynamics. And frankly, had I not discovered the Oxfam idea, Dh would have bought her nothing and that would be more offensive surely?

Tinker · 16/12/2006 14:51

There is no problem if the recipients want it, of course there isn't. It's the buying of them for people who probably don't want it but are too polite to say so. Don't understand why you're worrying about your mil's present personally, that is your husband's concern, surely. If he doesn't buy one let him deal with any flak.

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 16/12/2006 14:55

Dh would be bang on right about MIL, except that its the kids presents she bins, not ours and I can't let that happen for their sake, they're too young to understand. She's like that. I do all the present buying- I like doing it, and Dh does all the food buying. Divvying it up seems to work best for us, we're both busy so knowing exactly where our responsibilities lie works for us.

Tinker · 16/12/2006 14:59

OK, I'll leave it. Presents from kids and from you? Why do people buy so many presents?

Pruni · 16/12/2006 15:03

Message withdrawn

motherinfurrierfestivefrock · 16/12/2006 15:31

Tinker, if that question was to me: effectively, the presents from the kids are the presents from me. I know they'll like, and enjoy, these more than yet another 'thing' to add to their quite affluent and also quite ascetic lifestyle. If you like, the present from me is a gesture - but a gesture in a direction I think we will both appreciate.

And the girls' advent calendar has Divine fair traded chocolates in it, of course

Come to that, almost all the presents I've bought are fair traded or recycled or similarly nauseatingly PC

Tinker · 16/12/2006 15:34

It wasn't to you MI, it was to peachy. I'm arguing on this thread because I like arguing today. And I am similarly sanctimonious about Murdoch and take it as a personal slur that it could be suggested that I line his pockets

mears · 16/12/2006 15:39

Thanks mercy

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 16/12/2006 16:05

The presents from the kids are either home made biscuits or a school phto, the main present is from us; just a habit I guess.

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 16/12/2006 16:06

(oh sorry Tinker- I emant its the presents to the kids she bins, not ours- manipulative...)

Swipe left for the next trending thread