Do you and DH agree on how many presents you give your DC?

[mootime]

Dh and I had very different childhoods and very different Christmases.
My parents gave us literally likes of presents ( not all big, probably 1/2 big, 3/4 medium and tons of small as well as stocking)
Dh got stocking and 1 present from his parents (but more from other people than we did it appears.

Every year, I feel I'm being restrained and DH thinks I've over done it.
This year I'm planning on stocking plus a main present, plus 3/4 smaller presents present. Id love to then buy various other bits that are too big for stocking, but I know he will go mad ...
Does anyone else have this problem?

My husband is definitely not detached from our DC.
He does however, have no idea what they have for Christmas apart from a few things I might have mentioned and the one big gift that I write from both of us (although I choose and buy) His surprise to see what Santa brought is totally genuine!
Every year he tells me to cut back, every year I don't and he's so pleased that they're pleased it never gets mentioned again that Christmas. It's not that he doesn't care, just that I prefer doing it all. All my friends and families husbands are the same tbh

RudyMentry, no it's not too late but the reason myself and most others start early is to spread the cost, get good bargains and to make sure anything they really want isn't going to be out of stock. Most of the things I have bought were at least 30% off and are now at full price again.
Lot depends on the ages of your kids though as to whether you can get what they want but things like paw patroller and pie face are already out of stock everywhere

We have a budget and then any of that not spent goes into dc savings. Helps focus on whether dc will really get value from whatever we buy.

My dh and I had opposite childhood christmasses like op.
He does input a bit but basically I buy all the stuff and although he raises the odd eyebrow he doesn't really complain and lets me get as much as I want.

Rivertam, my husband works his arse off running his own business, long and late hours. Im a stay at home mum who funnil enough does the shopping when the kids are at school. Then it gets hidden away.

He knows the main gifts they are getting and what they are asking for. Other than that I get on with it. Happily. Hes been away for three weeks and will be back next Friday. I won't be sitting listing everything iv bought because he trusts my judgement.

In November our Christmas present talk usually goes like this:
DH: we are not going overboard this year
Me: of course not, we will have a list and stick to it
DH: that's right, we will definitely stick to it. (Whilst giving me the evil as I get carried away!)

And then we enter Smyths, and DH gets uber excited and tries to buy half the shop!! And I end up having to reign him in, we had a very heated discussion about our dcs not needing any more Lego.

All good fun though and the doc will love everything they are getting in.

I doubt most dads really don't get involved at all TBH. In our house it's merely that DH is working himself into the ground (sigh) and has virtually no spare time (and any spare time he does have is spent with the DCs so he can't do it then anyway - lately he's been spending that time with them choosing their gifts for me ).

I wonder if it can be to do with how different people view presents, though? Isn't there something about the different ways of showing love (love languages or something?), and gifts are one aspect, but not everyone uses the same method so choosing gifts will be very important to some people but irrelevant to others.

My dad never once gave anyone a Christmas present when I was young, but at random times throughout the year he'd just see something and buy it for me just for the sake of it, something little like a music CD or book, and those things would be absolutely perfect - still happens now sometimes. My dad understands me SO much better than my mum ever will, it's just that he didn't show it with gifts at Christmas.

Mine get a stocking (about £10, chocolates, little toys), and then something like PJs or slippers and an annual. Then one "big" present (say around £20-30 - playmobil set or lego set or Lottie doll plus horse) and perhaps a little extra too (pens, colouring, a book, stickers).

Its probably less than I had as a child, but we didn't use to do stockings, and I didn't have much extended family.

My children have umpteen godparents uncles and aunts so do get a lot of presents altogether. Just would feel a bit silly to us to buy them a whole sofa full of presents.

In terms of involvement, I do the shopping and the timetabling but discuss all the presents with DH (save the stocking).

Rivertam - like Exasperated my DH runs a business, he's away from home from early hours Monday morning to Saturday daytime. When he's home it's valuable family time, not shopping time.

And like I said upthread, it's not about shopping, it's about these DHs knowing their DC and thinking about what they would like and discussing it together. Presumably you speak to each other in the week, he's not working 24/7?

But then I would hate your setup anyway, the idea of DH having so little time with DD every week would make all of us very sad indeed. I can't imagine him wanting to do a job that meant he would see so little of her.

So tbh never the twain shall meet on this one.

The other thing is that it all sounds very like 'wife work' to me.

But then I would hate your setup anyway, the idea of DH having so little time with DD every week would make all of us very sad indeed. I can't imagine him wanting to do a job that meant he would see so little of her.

A lot of DHs in that situation really don't have a choice though TBF. :( Mine is jobhunting like crazy to find something better, but not got any offers yet. It really sucks, even more so at Christmas. He is getting very run down and stressed and he spends most of his little time at home doing pretty much 100% of the housework because I'm not well enough. It's not a nice life ATM. TBH messing about on the laptop finding presents online is one of the things that actually cheers me up and makes the dark winter seem less depressing, so I do a lot of it while he's at work. Same with wrapping.

Sorry a lot of that rant was not really relevant to the thread, it just struck a nerve.

I can understand why doing the presents can seem like wifework if the DH is not actually interested or involved though. I'll discuss ideas with DH but I do make a lot of the actual decisions myself (particularly if it's something on lightning deals etc and I wouldn't be able to get hold of him on time), but he'd do just as good a job if I left him to it instead.

Aww, fuzzpig that sounds crap. Hope your DH finds something soon.

I buy all the presents mainly because I am quite organised and usually put price watches on Amazon about July and buy as and when they drop. I also screen their lists to work out what I think they will really play with and what was a random thing seen on an advert.i also usually end up buying presents for his family too as otherwise they would end up with a box of chocolates. He has bought one impulse present for our daughter today which was a pot noodle mug with a twirling fork. She is 8 and has recently discovered pot noodles and thinks they are the height of culinary perfection. Knowing my luck that will be her favourite present!

Op I feel for you. My DH hardly participates it really wouldn't be xmas without me, but also as I am home with toddler I see, what she likes and gravitates too at play groups and friends houses, so really how could he know?

He isnt that involved at all! I try and chat to him about presents but he isnt that bothered, he loves watching all my efforts being appreciated on xmas morning though!!!!!!

I think your dh is quite invasive, unless your broke and in debt and cant control your spending habits!

I would lie really - tell him to FO or lie, and sneak some more gifts later on.

Its great to want to replicate our own child hoods, oh I had this so DC must have it, but - really just do what you want!

DP gets tremendously excited about buying toys for DS, but we're trying not to buy too much as he's only 3, and if he has too many toys he doesn't seem to enjoy them as much.

We are both better off than our parents were, so there's a certain urge to buy all the cool shit you'd have loved to play with as a kid (or maybe now ). But we just don't have space.

So, I think we pretty much agree on how much we buy. DP has less willpower than me, so it ends up a little bit more than planned. He also does the cooking at Christmas and puts up decorations so tends to want to shop for that too.

We agree on a rough budget.

I ask for his opinion on some things. I spend what I want.

He would spend less. Well, that's a shame because I get carried away but he doesn't care all that much and I don't really tell him what I have spent and he doesn't ask.

BTW he does most of the wrapping.

I write everything I have bought on an app so he can see who has what when it comes to wrapping them.

He would happily go shopping with me, but I would just rather do most of it on my own.

Rivertam I find your posts really condescending. DH and I might chat about a main present for our dc but he doesn't get involved in buying them. It's not that he doesn't spend time with them or is not involved in them he just never has the time to go shopping to see what is available. I would much rather he spent that time with us when I am perfectly capable of doing it without it impacting on precious family time.
Just because your situation allows for your dh to spend time with your dd in the evenings etc not everyone gets to make that choice or life might not be quite that simple.

DH and I discuss DD's presents. Usually that largely means I've done all the research and tell him what we're getting and he agrees. Between us we choose most of the smaller bits. And then we both twitch and buy something extra.

I do most of the shopping because I tend to think about it much sooner than he does. Second week of December would be about right for him whereas I have relatives who have been asking what DD wants since early November.

I think that the thing I've noticed on this thread is that whatever happens most people's partners are happy on Christmas Day when the kids open their presents. My DH last year made me feel terrible everytime they opened something. (And I really didn't go that overboard).

Hopefully this year we have more of a balance and he will actually be able to enjoy it, and actually it's only really the hope that he will relax a bit that has stopped me buying more.

It's funny, he's obsessed with them not being spoilt or have too many toys. He was brought up in an environment where it was seen as 'vulgar'.

Mootime that sounds depressing. Might it help him to know how much you've spent? DH used to get very grumpy about buggies. We did get through 4 oops including the double, and he thought I'd wasted hundreds of pounds. When I told him our total spend was less than the cost of our friends' only buggy, a sensible P&T, he did a complete U turn. I think your DH might be surprised how little you"'ve spent if you've shopped carefully.

Thank you River

My DH last year made me feel terrible everytime they opened something. that's mean. I hope the DCs didn't pick up on it?

my dh helps choose some presents, he leaves it upto me though on how many they get