Elderly in Care Home on Christmas Day - WWYD

[LizzieMacQueen]

I'm looking for a bit of advice from you who may have grandparents in care homes.

My DH mother has dementia but not at a level that she's oblivious to Christmas however she is unable to stay over with us because of incontinence and other issues.

Having her with us on Christmas Day involves her being collected/returned approx 50 miles away. Including settling in/picking up and time in the car, the total time out of our day is around 5 hours. I think this is too much time out as well as meaning no alcohol with lunch. She flat out refuses to use a taxi.

As an alternative I was going to suggest DH take the children to visit her on Christmas morning but how long a visit would be enough do you think?
What I'm trying to weigh up is what is the least worst option.

Kids are 16, 14 and 12.

DH says he is happy to not drink, he doesn't mind the drive. It's just me, I don't want to be the only one drinking and then be left tending the fire and loading the dishwasher when he takes her home.

So WWYD?

What I still don't like is that the op is more bothered about having a drink rather than her mil.

Well that's not exactly true but it is one of the sacrifices that will have to be made.

FWIW the last time she did such a long journey was last Christmas when she came to us. She gets trips out of the home approx. once a month but these are little trips.

I think there is a bit of unfairness towards the OP, she is trying to do the best for everyone, and why shouldn't she think of herself? We can't all be martyrs.

It sounds like a long time since her last big trip. You really need to make sure she is up for it before driving her all that way.

We have similar but elderly relative could not visit outs as no disabled bathroom access. We go over for 45 mins in the morning, after stockings and breakfast.