Friend can't afford to buy me Xmas gift

[OiledBegg]

My friend text to say that as she's on mat leave this year, she can't afford Xmas presents for friends. Obviously this is completely understandable, and she said in the message that to obviously not buy her anything either.
So, should I still get her a gift or will it make her feel awkward? I feel petty for not getting her something just because she can't afford it even though she's said not to! Or should I get her baby a gift instead?

I would just get the baby a small gift.

As a group of friends we no longer do gifts but meet up for a wine a pot luck lunch. We have a great time much better then a rushed gift exchange

I would buy a gift for the baby and perhaps a small plant or a homemade cake or something for her.
Hard to explain why but I think that if you don't get her a token gift, it could seem like you didn't get her anything because she didn't get you anything IYSWIM?

I wouldn't get the baby anything or her just because I wouldn't want to start buying for friend's children.

Just meet for a nice drink/lunch as canyou suggested instead.

I used to buy for friends before we all had children and then it just sort of stopped.

Yes, definitely get something nice for the baby. And I like Libidinous's suggestion about the homemade cake. Maybe some mince pies, or flavoured vodka? That shows that you're thinking of your friend, but not making her feel awkward or putting her under pressure, because you haven't gone to great expense.

Or, alternatively, use this as an opportunity to knock the presents on the head completely, if you wish! :)

I would have felt very awkward if I'd said not to do presents and then someone got me something.

I buy for my friends' children, those who are close to me, because, for me, they are our extended family, the children are like cousins to ours. We don't do gifts for the parents/our friends and will have a christmas gathering instead.

I guess it depends on how well you know her, but my best friend, who is the only person I do buy a gift for, would get a gift whether she got me one or not. Because she is s superstar and I like to spoil her.

I love the idea of something home made.

Have her over for a nice couple of hours with you. Spoil her. She must be very tired. You'll find a way to do it so she doesnt feel indebted.

I wouldn't buy a gift as she'll then feel that she has to get back to gift buying next year and she might not really want to. I'd text her back saying, no problem by let me take you for lunch/ a coffee or something.

I would feel extremely awkward/embarrassed if I said no gifts and someone bought me a gift. Like the idea of homemade cake/craft though, and also taking her out for lunch/much needed coffee and cake.

If I were you, I'd do as she suggested and not get her anything, but buy a little something for her baby.

You don't give to receive. Don't mean to be harsh, but grow up!

Yeah I would buy something small for the baby and invite her over for wine/lunch.

TerrifiedMothertoBe - how is your remark in any way a comment on what the Op has said?

OP - I would get a gift for the baby, and eys you can always make some homemade biscuits or something if you want to give her little something, but it won;t look as if you;ve gone out and spent loads of money on her, so she won;t feel awkward.

Treat her and baby to a cheapo meal in the new year, a carvery or something similar.

I no longer buy for friends or adults.

Hard one - on one hand if she's said no gifts then she might feel awkward if you buy a gift anyway but on the other hand if she's a good friend it shouldn't matter if she can reciprocate or not. I've given gifts to friends in the past and not got one back but that didn't really bother me as that's not why I gave the gift.....

Suggest you all get together for coffee and cake instead of doing gifts, or a meal out somewhere not too expensive.

I know you don't give to receive etc but in your friend's position I would inevitably feel the need to reciprocate if you gave me a present. Even if I couldn't really afford it. It is hard for her to do thoughtful hand made things with a baby too.

I would give your friend a baby-sitting voucher. Either she can go out while you watch the baby, or she can stay in and pamper herself (take a bath or nap) while you watch the baby :)

I second the babysitting voucher, that's a great gift idea!

I was in a similar position and said the same. I really meant it - its so hard when people get you gifts and you can't afford to return them. I would leave it but maybe buy baby a present or a very small token for your friend with a note saying I know we aren't exchanging gifts but thought you might enjoy this xxx

Have a get together instead and suggest you make that your Christmas tradition from now on. It doesn't have to be expensive: this year could be a DVD and bottle of wine and mince pies at hers while the baby sleeps. When baby is older you could go out. Like the babysitting voucher idea too.

If I had specifically said no to a present exchange, then I would feel really bad if I got a present.

I would invite your friend round for a nice lunch in the weeks before xmas.

Definitely don't buy her anything, my SIL did that after we said no adult presents and it was so awkward for all of us that the following year we got them something, but they hadn't bought for us! Several years of will they/won't they confusion ensued until we confronted it again!
Don't make anything either unless it's just dropping it in in a casual way, not as a gift-that will make her feel she should have done the same.
Believe me, after years of trying with both friends and family to lower the gift load, it is very frustrating when people won't accept that you are more than happy to just see them, and they don't need to buy you some tatt a gift to let you know they care!