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Christmas

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Original poster

How to handle present requests - when you know they are wasting your time ...

47 replies

ChiChiCha · 12/10/2015 19:45

I have a two fold "problem" with PIL :

My dds are 5 and 4. In previous years Christmas' , PIL have asked me for ideas of what to get the dds for Christmas .

I have given them ideas , they seemed happy and accepted so I've taken the items off my list . Only on Christmas morning , for there to be no sign of said item as it has been replaced by some other random item usually tat

Last year they asked dds what they would like from Father Christmas and naturally the DC mentioned a couple of things - so PIL then decided that they were getting them those items . I got round this by telling them I had already bought the items (I didn't want disappointed children on Christmas morning when the items didn't appear).

PIL have visited today and asked me for ideas of what to get the dds . I don't really want to give them ideas as I spend time thinking , then they don't buy it anyway !

They have also decided to cut back the amount they spend on the DGC (no problem at all) ; their budget is £20. Again no issues .

The problem is , instead of buying one or two good quality items , they spread the budget out on tat to make it look more Hmm

Dd1 present last year fell apart in her hand as she opened it and she was upset .

Dd2 cut her hand on her present as the plastic was so cheap it snapped in half Shock

I would much rather they spent a few pounds on an orchard toy game or puzzle etc than buy lots of cheap rubbish which goes straight in the bin.

Is there a way to politely say this or do I just grin and suck it up ?

And should I give them some ideas or let them do it themselves ? Confused

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 12/10/2015 19:48

You can direct them and offer suggestions - Ooh, we have seen this Orchard Game, she really likes it, if you want to get it that will be ace and I'll make sure that no one else gets similar...

But no, you can't control it. Unfortunately.

cece · 12/10/2015 19:50

My mum always buys my DC some theatre tickets. Last couple of years we have had a family trip to the panto. Any good?

PenelopePitstops · 12/10/2015 19:51

Offer to buy and wrap for them?

zzzzz · 12/10/2015 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeathOfRats · 12/10/2015 19:58

No real way you can bring t up without sounding controlling and ungrateful.

Luckily the majority of my family are clueless about what to buy my kids and when I give them an ideas list they fight over who gets what so I know it's all gotten. My Dbro is so utterly clueless I usually buy it and wrap it for him. He means well, he is just scared of useless with kids!

But I do have friends who go for quantity over quality. And it goes grate. Dd had similar last year where her gift from a friend broke within minutes and she was very upset.
I now tend to make sure that birthday/Christmas gifts from that group of people aren't opened on the day so as not to spoil it for her

RandomMess · 12/10/2015 20:00

how about something like art & craft items, will get one use out of the tat and then bin the lot?

Original poster
ChiChiCha · 12/10/2015 20:01

Yes I can see it might seem ungrateful (I'm absolutely not ) it's just very hard watching the dds get upset because their present has broken minutes after being unwrapped Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ChiChiCha · 12/10/2015 20:02

random arts and crafts are a good idea . I'll mention those to them .

OP posts:
scarlets · 12/10/2015 21:36

You could happen to mention that you're doing a big Amazon order so that everything comes at once rather than in dribs and drabs. Then say, "oh actually - would it help if I ordered your present for the girls while I'm at it?"

This won't work if they love shopping though.

DriveMeMad · 12/10/2015 22:03

I have this problem with PIL too. They ask for a list, I provide generic descriptions (ie bath toys) and also links to specific items on amazon, JL etc but they still get something totally different AngryConfused.

Totally does my head in.

minimalistaspirati0ns · 12/10/2015 22:12

Make it sound like you're doing them a favour 'oh you've got a lot on this Xmas. Would it make things easier if you gave me the cash and I bought the gifts on your behalf'

Luciferbox · 12/10/2015 22:14

My SIL does this. I always get DN what she suggests, she never buys DS anything I suggest. Why bother asking?!

scrappydappydoo · 12/10/2015 22:15

I have similar with mil - I start now when the sales are on. Ring her in the middle of the day from a shop - 'oh I've just popped into Argos and they have x toy that DD really wants at massive bargain price. Shall I get it now and you can pay me back'. Then mil gets present to wrap and great reaction/excitement from GC and I have peace of mind.

Star2015 · 13/10/2015 09:02

Why don't you buy the present and ask them for the £20 for it?

Hawest1 · 13/10/2015 09:08

my lot are actually really good with my kids & birthdays etc, my mum always asks me for my opinion wether it be for a rough idea of what my boys need or like today she has sent me 2 pictures & asked which one I like best.
My great aunt either buys the boys jackets or gets us a voucher for shoes or gives me the money a bit early & tells me to get something decent for them.
Why not tell them that the kids really need jackets or shoes or something useful this year, or as others have suggested say that u will buy it & they can just give u the money.

KittyandTeal · 13/10/2015 09:14

My pil do this. Ask for a long list, tell us they will get it all (so we don't) then don't get any of it and get some random tat.

It's fine at the moment because dd is only 3 so doesn't realise.

I have taken to saying 'oh I'm not sure, but whatever you think she'd like' although on her birthday it ended in them panicking, buying tonnes of playmobil (way more than she'd ever be able to play with) but rooms for the mansion that she doesn't have. In the end my DH called them from toys r us and said 'I'm here, there is x or y which one shall I get from you!' Which I thought was a bit off. However, it was then followed by a phone all asking us to buy DDs present from bil too!

We have obviously not managed this well

anotherdayanothersquabble · 13/10/2015 09:39

Lovely to see that others have present angst!!!!

Dear God,

When I am a grandparent, please grant me the second sight to understand what my children mean when they give me information about presents and give me the wisdom to buy things for my grandchildren without passing anyone off.

ADAS

(I have no idea how or why, but my parents seem to cause angst about present giving, whether they buy, we buy, we give ideas, we send internet shopping links, we ask for vouchers, magazine subscriptions, somehow everyone seems unhappy about it all and it has perpetuated itself between my siblings and nieces and nephews. I have concluded we are an ungrateful lot, unable to give and receive gratefully.)

Sansoora · 13/10/2015 09:42

My granny and grandad always gave us a nightie, a pair of pj's, slippers, a dressing gown. It was one of the best presents ever. Would something like this be acceptable to them?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 13/10/2015 09:47

I always say books in situations like this Smile

SheGotAllDaMoves · 13/10/2015 09:50

Suggest something that DC would quite like but isn't desperate for.

That way all good if they get it, no harm done if they don't.

pinkisthenewpink · 13/10/2015 10:16

I have this too with my bil (and mil to some extent). I've given generic suggestions, I've given specify suggestions, I've researched a range of budgets and even provide links to the specific website. Takes time and effort and means I've given away some of my best ideas and then don't buy the things myself. advice asked for and dutifully returned months in advance....only to be rung from toysrus an hour before he's meant to be getting here saying 'right, what shall I buy???'.

My mil is slightly different in that she wants to get them stuff they like, but then refuses to get something because she doesn't like them personally (fair enough), but then gets all cats bottom lipped when the children aren't overjoyed with what she has got them. They do say thank you and look pleased with it, but then move quite swiftly on. Then I get the 'well...you buy all the good things of course' (gaaaah)

Buttercupsandaisies · 13/10/2015 11:37

This would really annoy me. To ask someone what to buy and then not buy it (without informing them) is plain rude and of course the kids are then disappointed as they didn't get something they really wanted.

People can buy my kids anything of their choice but if they ask and then don't buy it that would annoy me as I would have bought it myself.

Do they let you know before hand that they're not buying what you've told them?

If they ask, I'd say x really wants this and I've bought enough so you can buy it, they'll be disappointed if they don't get it etc etc

As for buying tatt there's nothing you can really do about that.

JoanCallamezzo · 13/10/2015 11:44

What about doing an Amazon wishlist for each child? That way you can see what has been bought from it and anything important that hasn't you can buy yourself?

Treats · 13/10/2015 13:11

I think you just need to roll with it. Don't ask them to get them something that the DDs really really want, so they can't be disappointed.

I think it's a bit of shame for your PiLs if their gifts don't go down well, as well as for your DDs. I would be wary of having too much of an opinion about the quality or value of what they've bought in case your DDs pick up on it. Whatever they get, they should be thankful that time, money and effort was spent on them.

G1veMeStrength · 13/10/2015 13:18

My DC have learnt that presents from x are always something that they won't like and will break. It doesn't matter, its good practice at being polite, and they know not to take it out of its packaging. Then we go and exchange it if possible or charity shop if not.

There are always times in life when you need to Smile and Nod Politely. This is one...