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Christmas

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Original poster

How to handle present requests - when you know they are wasting your time ...

47 replies

ChiChiCha · 12/10/2015 19:45

I have a two fold "problem" with PIL :

My dds are 5 and 4. In previous years Christmas' , PIL have asked me for ideas of what to get the dds for Christmas .

I have given them ideas , they seemed happy and accepted so I've taken the items off my list . Only on Christmas morning , for there to be no sign of said item as it has been replaced by some other random item usually tat

Last year they asked dds what they would like from Father Christmas and naturally the DC mentioned a couple of things - so PIL then decided that they were getting them those items . I got round this by telling them I had already bought the items (I didn't want disappointed children on Christmas morning when the items didn't appear).

PIL have visited today and asked me for ideas of what to get the dds . I don't really want to give them ideas as I spend time thinking , then they don't buy it anyway !

They have also decided to cut back the amount they spend on the DGC (no problem at all) ; their budget is £20. Again no issues .

The problem is , instead of buying one or two good quality items , they spread the budget out on tat to make it look more Hmm

Dd1 present last year fell apart in her hand as she opened it and she was upset .

Dd2 cut her hand on her present as the plastic was so cheap it snapped in half Shock

I would much rather they spent a few pounds on an orchard toy game or puzzle etc than buy lots of cheap rubbish which goes straight in the bin.

Is there a way to politely say this or do I just grin and suck it up ?

And should I give them some ideas or let them do it themselves ? Confused

OP posts:
TheOddity · 13/10/2015 14:35

I agree books or will ALWAYS be ok, and if they're not it's not the end of the world. Just say 'a book about dinosaurs' or an author. If the don't follow through on it, it won't matter at all.

G1veMeStrength · 13/10/2015 14:38

I've never found a plastic tat buyer that is happy to swap that and become a book buyer though. If I suggested books to FIL he would ignore that completely.

Original poster
ChiChiCha · 13/10/2015 14:49

I'm pleased it's not just me getting annoyed about this situation Angry

To the pp who asked if they tell me that they are not buying it - no they don't mention it . Even after they agreed to buying it .

They won't buy clothes or things the DC need because those aren't "fun" presents .

They won't buy books for the same reason.

They also will not want me to buy and ask for them to pay me back as they want to shop for the item Hmm

OP posts:
LibidinousSwine · 13/10/2015 16:36

We have graduated to an Amazon Wishlist for DS, but he's 11 now and the need for a gift to be specific is greater than when he was younger. I often order bits for my DM as she's not too sure how to work The Amazon properly :o

We managed to circumvent your particular issue by instilling a love of Lego in him (but it could be playmobil, barbie, anything specific really) That way any rogue gifts were at least compatible with what he already had, even if they ended up in pieces in the big bin of random bricks. We also were able to (quite truthfully) say that just one gift was fine as it was "so much more expensive" than other shit stuff.

Having said that, DS is an only DGC so my DP's have been known to still go off piste on occasions. In this situation a fixed smile and a nod of thanks is all that's necessary :)

TheOddity · 13/10/2015 16:43

In that case I'd fob them off with 'oh you always find something nice, just whatever you see that you think they'll like', and at least then you save the good ideas for yourself and avoid disappointment Grin

DinosaursRoar · 13/10/2015 19:46

At 5 and 4, your DDs probably have a list as long as their arms of things they'd like from TV adverts, but only a few things they'd really want or ask Father Christmas for. I'd save the "really want" list for you and grandparents/extended family who will get them the ones they want, then give the "that looks good" list to your PIL, or "things like X". give them a few suggestions around a tenner, and accept that your PIL won't get the toys that are played with for the whole year.

Jux · 14/10/2015 08:30

MIL used to do something like this. After a couple of years of it, dh started to buy the present on her behalf.

Jux · 14/10/2015 08:32

Can you 'take' them shopping? Then you can gently guide them to the right things.

TeaPleaseLouise · 14/10/2015 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

G1veMeStrength · 14/10/2015 08:40

Would it be too obvious to ask them for some advice from a GP's point of view? You are asking for this friend (lets call her Justine) who has a problem with her grandparents choosing presents that break or are unsuitable, what would they advise?

vvviola · 14/10/2015 08:42

Beware of the "buy it on their behalf" approach.

MIL is a tat buyer. Last year we were emigrating not long after Christmas and she was getting in a flap about what to buy the DC. She suggested just giving them money (they were 3 and 7), and then asked if she would give the money to me, would I buy the presents.

I agreed (despite being really stuck for ideas myself) and put a lot of thought into buying small portable presents that the DC would like and could come on the plane with us (so the DC wouldn't have to put all their Christmas presents from Nana in the shipment). I bought them and delivered them to her before Christmas Day.

Roll on to Christmas Day - all the stuff I bought for her, plus loads of useless tat (like the OP, some of which broke instantly). Including two canvas shopping trolleys that she told the DC they could use on the plane, despite knowing that Santa had already brought new backpacks AND me having told her months beforehand that they were unsuitable.

It was all a bit of a nightmare and I am never shopping for anyone else again.

Sorry. That was a bit of a rant. It's obviously still a bit of a sore point Blush

Verypissedoffwife · 14/10/2015 08:49

Arts and crafts I'd a great idea. Poundland has loads of things - quality isn't great and the pencils seem to be filled with broken lead and the felt tips dry out quickly - but at least you'd get some use of it.

LillianGish · 14/10/2015 09:07

Sometimes there is nothing you can do - that's life. Some people are rubbish at buying presents. I have this with SIL - every year I ask what her kids want and buy it (not expensive - DVD, CD iTunes vouchers etc) every year she sends a load of old tat she's obviously picked up in sales over the year. Kids know what to expect, they still write a thank you note - they understand that a gift is a gift and it's not always what you want. If PIL ask I would suggest stuff the DCs might like, but don't rely on them for key gifts. That way if they get what the DCs want it's a bonus otherwise it's a lesson in life - and make sure they say thank you however rubbish it is because that's a good lesson too!

BiddyPop · 14/10/2015 09:41

I like the idea of asking for their advice "on behalf of a friend".

Otherwise, try to make sure there are things under the tree that they will like, so anything that does break can be swiftly substituted by something that works.

oobedobe · 14/10/2015 18:21

Just let them know a few ideas from your present idea list that are more take it or leave it (ie not what the DC really want).

Arts & Crafts or a tickets for a day out would be useful or book voucher so they can choose something. I know a voucher is a boring thing to give but usually it is much appreciated, my dc like going to choose something with their money.

I think the practical solution is good too, a really cosy dressing gown or special blanket might be a nice change from toys/games.

DrasticAction · 14/10/2015 18:47

TRICKY at the same time, do they want upset gc and basically totally wasting their 20 quid on them as no one is happy?

Senpai · 15/10/2015 05:25

My parents will snag a few things off our amazon list, but will deliberately not purchase it from the list so we don't know they bought anything. I understand they don't want us to know, but we've gotten duplicate presents a couple times now.

This year we actually talked about what we were getting, so she's gotten some gifts, I've gotten others.

DinosaursRoar · 15/10/2015 07:28

I think you have to accept they don't want to buy a gift for your DCs, they want to buy a gift for them to give your DCs , the priority for them isn't your DCs enjoyment of it, but their enjoyment of giving.

Accept that and then discount them from caving up the wish list - only suggest the "nice to have" things your DCs might like to get, but won't be upset if they don't get, split the list of things your DCs really want between other grandparents and other family who will buy what you've suggested.

Let go the idea that your PIL will buy loved or wanted gifts that are played with all year.

GladysTheGolem · 15/10/2015 07:39

My IL live a few 100 miles away, we do;

an Amazon list (wirh about 20 things from £2-£40 per child, for the whole family to see, they don't get everything).

MIL has been saddened when something she bought was the same as a previous present so wasn't met with joy, suggested she didn't go off list to avoid it happening it again.

Point things out in the shop.

Before the first one was born they suggested they buy duplo as a present everytime to avoid everyone buying the same gift.

They still buy random unsuitable tat (metal slinky for a 10m old), so I pre open their present now and don't give it to the kids if we've already got it.

Livvylongpants · 15/10/2015 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vintagebeads · 15/10/2015 09:42

Mine do it too,every darn year, the actually spend alot ,its awful as they buy such unsuitable or wrong age toys that the DC reaction is not what they expect,so they end up disappointed, and I end up stressed.
I stopped telling them years ago things the DC actually want,its pointless.

jubblie · 15/10/2015 09:46

Ask for lego. It's very collectable so you can sell it if they get the wrong sets and then buy another.

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