db's step children and christmas invites

[hatwoman]

I have two dbs. both have one kid. one has two teenage step-kids - they're 17 and 19 (lovely kids but I don't know them well) I'd really like to invite both dbs (as well as my mum, fil and step-mil) for christmas but just haven't got the space for everyone. so can I say to db - I'd love to invite you but we ain;t got the space for all 5 of you? - I assume this is less offensive than inviting them but saying there's only room for three (pretty awful imo) I just feel horrible only inviting one db. what do people think?

Yep, I am. ANd MAmaG is absolutely right. Have it at your Mums. By all means make stuff/cook stuff and take with you but you can stay there and brothers can go home.

Sorted. No stress in Christmas preparations for you. AT ALL.

Added bonus that you can't take your DH's family with you...

Since the db without stepchildren came a few years ago, could you start this year by inviting the other one, and then say 'and will X and y be with your for Christmas?' and then if not, you will know what your capacity is for inviting any more - if any!

I think the 'oh you can't do that' comments referred specifically to the inclusion - or not - of the step kids - and as you say your db is a bit sensitive about them.

Anyway, all credit to you - I would have a nervous breakdown contemplating that many people staying in the house (even thr lower number), all milling around at breakfast...shudder!

I am a deeply inhospitable old bat!

And with my H&S hat on, I do think that the inferno-potenial of sleeping bags is a little over-stated, in the context of several drunken adults lurching around knee-deep in wrapping paper and squeezing past a bloody great tree with a plate of flaming brandy and christmas pudding

oh gawd. that's a spanner in the works. already invited mum here! I don't think we could do it at hers - even if sil and I forcefully evicted her from the kitchen she'd still fret about something - mainly the size of the house - which only seems to bother her. you are making me wonder though....difficult for me to propose anything not at our house though! what I really want is for our neighbours' tenants to move out and the owners (who we know pretty well) to tell us we're welcome to use the house....) It's not going to happen though...

blu - you're dead right about that. I keep wondering round the house and counting the spaces up. if fil and mil don;t come we could fit db's 5 in and taht could be the solution. especially as otehr db and sil are the most brilliantly considerate thoughtful people who would never be offended ever. doesn;t anyone else find this christmas lark gets all complex when you have kids and when you all move away?

in fact sometimes I wander about the house...

right. I'm going to confront dh. I did that awful thing last night after a glass of wine of blurting out how his dad pisses me off at christmas....not dh's fault but if you're a wuss like me, what can you do, apart from store it all up for 10 months and then have a go at the wrong person....

I need to know if his dad is coming, then I can start from tehre.

spend it on your own with you/hubby/kids then theres no hassle with fitting in around everyone else

Yeah, I think is part of the spirit of Christmas to get all stressed out in the preparation in order to apreciate how well it went afterwards (hopefully)

Does the invitation has to include overnight staying? would they be OK with finding accommodation if you mention the work won't be finished in time therefore you don't have enough space?

BTW I was not making comments about your house, all the bedding I have for when someone visits coordinates perfectly with MY house.

Hmmmmm...interesting that your Mother also frets about the size of the house......

I think IL's will have to be bumped this year.

ok have spoken to mum and dh and have a plan of action.
issue invite no 1 to the db5. if accepted that's it. db5, my mum, us. which will be lovely. call and tell t'other db they can come next year, or maybe New Year or something; if rejected (which I think it may well be) then invite db at New year perhaps (which almost certainly will be sans teenagers) and invite fil, step mil and db3 for Christmas. sorted.
in fact it suddenly all seems obvious...thanks for forcing me to think it through!

You are very welcome.

Great things those Chill pills aren't they ?

whey-hey. fil doesn;t want to come anyway. god taht makes me awful doesn't it? I just found last year tense - he's a really nice guy etc etc, as is his wife, but I felt somehow I wasn't doing things quite right. My family (I know I'm biased) are just easier guests. Now I'm wondering whether to invite neither db and just invite our friends who live a couple of miles away who are shirking all parental/family responsibilities and staying at home. decisions decisions