db's step children and christmas invites

[hatwoman]

I have two dbs. both have one kid. one has two teenage step-kids - they're 17 and 19 (lovely kids but I don't know them well) I'd really like to invite both dbs (as well as my mum, fil and step-mil) for christmas but just haven't got the space for everyone. so can I say to db - I'd love to invite you but we ain;t got the space for all 5 of you? - I assume this is less offensive than inviting them but saying there's only room for three (pretty awful imo) I just feel horrible only inviting one db. what do people think?

No room? Why not sleep on floors. My teenagers spend their lives sleeping on people's floors, eating on your knees on the floor or whatever. What matters is being together. It's more fun when it's cramped. Of course the teenagers may not want to be there anyway. I would invite them all and see what happens.

predicted that one didn't i? so saying that I can cope with 10 people (all staying for a minimum of two nights) for christmas but not 15 makes me a horrid inhospitable person? whereas if I just said I can;t fit both dbs in so neither can come that would be ok? how does that work? bugger off. how many people are you having round? and can I stand and judge?

Oh Hatwoman take a chill pill, no one knew how many you were having for Christmas. You came on here and started the thread,obviously no one twisted your arm to start it, because you can still type.

This is MN you asked for opinions you got them, you then had the mickey taken re the sleeping bag comment.

Yes, but I do have sympathy about the sleeping bag situation

I mean, what about the fire hazard with all that cheap tacky nylon about the place?

Makes me shudder at the thought of it

You will faint at the size Christmas parties of my family when I was a child. 20-25 adults plus their children. It was a MAGICAL time. (sadly, now that all my cousins have grown up and have become parents and grandparents themselves we have no more space to be all together, but the few times we end up meeting in the same place it is a carnival!

Boris!!!

Just as well you arent coming to stay at mine now....

There is nothing wrong with nylon sleeping bags....

Fire hazard??? are you planning a Christmas bonfire in the middle of the living room?

If so, please just invite the ten... but include some firemen

oh it just pisses me off when people are so quick to be snide. the numbers are in the op - implicitly, admittedly, and you;d need to know I had 2 dds to work them out. but it was obvious db's presence involved 5 extra. the background is that I was really keen to invite everyone - because I enjoy having lots of people and making quite a fuss and doing lovely food etc, but because some building work isn;t going to be finished it's just not going to be possible and I'm really quite disappointed. so i'm trying to work out what exactly I can do. so being told I was miserable and inhospital and willing to hurt people's feelings when I'm trying to be the opposite unsuprsingly annoyed me. It's quite a common thing to happen on mn. person posts asking for advice about how to avoid being something and ends up being accused of it. heigh ho.

Chill

This is not about the few honest answers and the few lighthearted remarks re sleeping bags.

It is about your dissapointment, so try not to rip the heads off your cyber friends.

Do you live too far away for them to just come for the day and not sleep over?

Actually hatwoman, I apologise for being flippant but the sleeping bag comment made me giggle

For whats its worth, I think the fact that youre at least thinking about what to do, is great. you could have just said bugger DB, its my Christmas Ill do what I want

Ultimately you must do whats best for your family

chandra - sounds magical for the children and whoever cooked etc was clearly amazing - and I would love to be like that. but I'm not.(is anyone?)(although compared to many people I'm a long way from the opposite end - we have parties quite regularly with all children invited, sleeping bags/blow-up beds etc)

Santa chuckles

Ho Ho Ho

Oh and the Green Giant chuckles.

and my DS, he chuckles.

Hatwoman - I have just re-read the thread and fail to see why you are upset.

Is it simply because there really isnt a solution that you are happy with that you feel isnt going to upset either you or one of your DB's?

I dont think anyone has been 'snidey' or 'rude' here.

oh alright then. chill pil taken. just grumpy. (hat fills in more background....) also dh wants to ask his dad and step-mum - which is fine, but we had them last year, and my mum the year before so I kind of thought we were heading for an alternate years scenario. and fil has this way of niggling me over christmas(hat's hospitable credentials - such as they were - start to crumble). he grumbles that the kids have too many presents, tries to say when they should be opened, comments on the fancy food in taht way that makes you feel a bit silly for making such a fuss, and insists on watching the telly - and I'm not forceful enough to do it my way. grumble grumble. oh pants

vvv - it was the comments taht I was more concerned with how my house looked than having a nice christmas - they were there, but I guess I had a sense of humour failure.

Tell DH to piss off, its our family's turn! Tell them all are welcome, but will be eating out of pyrex bowls off the floor and will have to drive home afterwards.

Done

Hah

I knew there was more to this than sleeping bags, even nylon ones.

Tell your DH that alternate with the folks is the only way for you to maintain your sanity, and for the long term relationship to survive.

but yes vvv - re the second bit - ultimately that's the problem - tehre isn;t a solution.

Right, hatwoman - who has the biggest house in your family?

are you taking control vvv? we have the biggest. mum and dbs live within 15 mins drive of each other. and about 4 hours drive from us.

I think you need to have it at your Mums or DBs regardless of size, that way they can all go home afterwards, you still get to spend the day together and surely somebody could put you and your family up?