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Christmas

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Original poster

Christmas Day + inlaws = problems (long sorry!)

37 replies

lilibet · 18/10/2006 14:16

So far this is what has happened

2003 - Our first Chirstmas together in our own house, rang Mil and asked her for Christmas dinner, she said that she would have to check with dh's brother as she thought that they would be invited there. She checked, rang me back and said that yes, there were going to be invited there so wouldn't be eating with us, but they woudl like to see us at sometime during the day so would pop over after they had been to Bil's. Bil eats mid afternoon we eat at 6pm, so this didn't work as when they came we were still eating.

2004 - didn't ask them as I was still smarting a bit over 2003, but once again they came round at night, once again it didn't really work.

2005 - we asked them, they said yes - , but we found out two days before Christmas that they were also going to Bils as she 'couldn't say no', so they ate one Christmas dinner at Bil's mid afternoon and then another with us at 6. I was once again

So, 2006!!

Options:-

  1. Ask them for a sandwich when we get home form church, they would only be with us for an hour and woudl be eating a full dinner a bit later but that's nothing compared to what they did last year!!
  1. Accept that they will be going to Bil's so eat earlier so that they can visit us at night with no problems. But I like eating at 6 and have done as long as I have had control over what time we eat.
  1. Invite Bil and family. Lots more work, not really that keen on them but it would mean that we don't have any problems.

Thanks for sticking with it - tell me what you think!

Btw, I am an only child, dad is dead and mum comes to us every year!

OP posts:
Heavenis · 18/10/2006 14:23

If I was being nice and didn't want to hurt anyone etc I would ask them all over to yours.
On the other hand I would be tempted to say this is what we are doing for christmas,your welcome to come these are the times we will be eating.

Bozza · 18/10/2006 14:23

What is your preference? What time is Church? I take it your preference is not for 2. So think I would be tempted to do 1 and maybe get nibbles so they needn't eat much.

rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:25

how about bil and family invite you and your mum that way all the work is theres if not then i personally would leave it this year and don,t invite any of them that way they will know your upset and make more effort next year

Iklboo · 18/10/2006 14:26
  1. All eat out somewhere?
throckenholt · 18/10/2006 14:29

invite them over on the day before or the day after.

MadamePlatypus · 18/10/2006 14:29

Eat when you want to eat. Tell MIL she can come over whenever she wants, but obviously not when you are at church, and not when you are in middle of meal unless she wants to join you for meal. Alternatively, could she come over on boxing day? Christmas eve? Even better, get your DH to have this conversation with her.

rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:30

i have the problem that my brother lives in spain and has only recently had children so up until now has always done his own thing for xmas. leaving me stuck with my mum every year as she has no one else.... now he has decided to come to us for xmas when all i would really like is for him to invite mum to him for a change as i would LOVE an xmas on our own or even visit hubbys mum who never seems to get a look in

Iklboo · 18/10/2006 14:31

We do Xmas Eve at my folks, Boxing Day at MIL's and Xmas day just by ourselves

rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:32

dam good point madamplatapus..... this is dh responability

rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:35

i would love an xmas day to ourselves think i might hide behind the sofa this year

Original poster
lilibet · 18/10/2006 14:35

We both get so worked up and upset over this, she would be incredibly upset if we said not to coem at all on the day, and I'm pissed off that we have to work our day round Bil and family.

Church finishes at about 12, Wish we could afford to eat out but for 6 of us we would need a bank loan

OP posts:
rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:38

you can join me behind the settee if you like...... pmsl theres proberbly enough food down the back of it to feed an army

rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:41

anyone got msn ?????

rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:43

wheres everyone gone ?

Original poster
lilibet · 18/10/2006 14:43

I don't have it

especially not at work!!

OP posts:
rachluv · 18/10/2006 14:45

oh well if anyone has and wants to add me here i am [email protected] off to m&s to get something for tea..... good luck with the xmas dialema and remember the sofa offer stands lol

LunarSea · 18/10/2006 15:26

Do a posh breakfast and ask them round for that? That way you get rid of them again as soon as it's time for church!

Piffle · 18/10/2006 15:33

I think you should all pile round to BIL's

rachluv · 18/10/2006 16:31

i think we should all spend xmas behind my sofa

Original poster
lilibet · 18/10/2006 16:33

Your sofa is looking better by the minute

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 18/10/2006 16:43

Well I feel very sorry for your mil. She has no doubt had this Christmas arrangement going for years now and sounds as though she really is trying hard to be in 2 places at once - how old is she?

The fact that she ate 2 Christmas dinners, one at your bil's and one at yours speaks volumes to me about the kind of dilemma she is being placed in.

I understand that you want to see them at Christmas and it sounds as though she equally wants to see you. But so far she is doing all the compromising and you and your bil are refusing to move!

Can you not call him up and invite them all over to yours? Or perhaps you could suggest that you alternate, dinner at his one year, yours the next? I bet your poor mil is dreading this Christmas wondering what she can do to keep everyone happy! Not everything runs smoothly and sometimes we just have to compromise!

If it helps, we've spent the last 2 Christmasses under mil's rule and I've had a shit time every year, this year at least we get to spend it in our own home, but there are still issues surrounding my family and "duties". I just want to hibernate at times!

rachluv · 18/10/2006 17:40

rhubarb.... come hibernate behind my sofa pmsl... oh and bring chocholate

Original poster
lilibet · 19/10/2006 08:51

I appreciate what you are saying Rhuby but part of me doesn't wnat to get into a 'oh it's 2009 so we have to invite so and so.

We can't alternate years with Bil as I couldn't expect them to invite my mum, neither would I want to invite her parents and if my mum doesn't come to me she's sat at home on her own.

It does also grate that she could say no to us in 2003 but last year couldn't say no to Bil (think I may start thinking of him as Bil, suits him better than his name!!) I have been wonderign about what I'm going to do when all three of mine are grown up - going on holiday seems a reasonable arrangement

Or having a annual party behind the sofa!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lilibet · 19/10/2006 08:53

Sorry - forgot to say - she's a very young 60.

OP posts:
Furball · 19/10/2006 09:03

What about saying forget christmas day as you know it's really difficult fitting everyone in and come boxing day and see her then. They'll be more relaxed instead of flitting around all over the place. You can do dinner (wih cold turkey from yesterday) the same as the day before - you can all open your presents on boxing day so your children get another day of presents and it won't be as rushed.

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