Christmas Day + inlaws = problems (long sorry!)

[lilibet]

So far this is what has happened

2003 - Our first Chirstmas together in our own house, rang Mil and asked her for Christmas dinner, she said that she would have to check with dh's brother as she thought that they would be invited there. She checked, rang me back and said that yes, there were going to be invited there so wouldn't be eating with us, but they woudl like to see us at sometime during the day so would pop over after they had been to Bil's. Bil eats mid afternoon we eat at 6pm, so this didn't work as when they came we were still eating.

2004 - didn't ask them as I was still smarting a bit over 2003, but once again they came round at night, once again it didn't really work.

2005 - we asked them, they said yes - , but we found out two days before Christmas that they were also going to Bils as she 'couldn't say no', so they ate one Christmas dinner at Bil's mid afternoon and then another with us at 6. I was once again

So, 2006!!

Options:-

1. Ask them for a sandwich when we get home form church, they would only be with us for an hour and woudl be eating a full dinner a bit later but that's nothing compared to what they did last year!!

1. Accept that they will be going to Bil's so eat earlier so that they can visit us at night with no problems. But I like eating at 6 and have done as long as I have had control over what time we eat.

1. Invite Bil and family. Lots more work, not really that keen on them but it would mean that we don't have any problems.

Thanks for sticking with it - tell me what you think!

Btw, I am an only child, dad is dead and mum comes to us every year!

You are a bit daft to be hurt in any way by her not being able to refuse Bil's offer! She's just trying not to let anyone down. Let it go. (Do you not get on with the Bil and his family particularly well or somthing....?)

If I were you I would invite them to come to church and have a sherry with you afterwards, or to come for Xmas Eve or Boxing Day. Then you can be relaxed and she can see the children and all do presents and stuff together. And you can all eat what, where and when you want.

We had smilar dilemma (sp?) ourselves between going to mils and my mum's place. Often ended up with two dinners. Our solution was dinner at one and pudding at the other. Perhaps your mil could eat main meal at bils and pudding at your place.

in our household, people come at a time to suit us or not at all. My family come xmas eve, we have xmas day to ourselves and go to the inlaws for boxing day. If anyone wants to change it then tough!

If I was you I would tell her to come when you want her to. But then i am mean

Haven't even dared think about Christmas yet. Will be similar problems in our house. Can I come to the sofa party? Promise I'll bring Pringles

Lilibet - we eat at 6pm as well as it fits better with church, less stress etc. It also means that we have a great excuse for easy but yummy lunch - nice pate, cheese, smoked salmon etc - could your mil come for lunch then and do bil meal a bit later - maybe they could move their thing to 4pm to fit?

Could you forget about seeing her on christmas day? Invite her for Boxing day? That's what we tend to do with mil. I feel sorry for her too TBH - I've been there before - DH wanting to be at home and my parents wanting us to be with them. It's horrible. Needing to be in 2 places.

We are inviting Bil and family, not 100 % happy about it, if they say yes it solves the problem, if they say no we still have it.

come to my sofa party flowertots bringing pringles

Sometimes you have to compromise though, you'll never get the ideal Christmas, I don't know many people who do. But once you lower your expectations you will have a much better time of it.

If she comes in the evening whilst you are eating then just offer her a glass of something and include her in the general chit chat. Or do as others have suggested and have a quiet Christmas Day with your mum and see her Boxing Day.

You can't have her come to you for Christmas Day lunch so I would drop that expectation and work with what you have left.

Be relaxed this Christmas and you'll have a much better time!

We have invited Bil and co and they are already going to her mothers!

so that leaves Mil without an invite!!

Am very tempted not to, but I know that Rhubarb would shout at me!!

And I wouldn't do it any way but it's nice thinking about for a while, especially seeing as I do feel that we always come second

Aw! Hope it all works out lilibet! x

I would tell them you are having a quite christmas this year but invite them on boxing day with BILS family too.

I have made a point of NEVER leaving my house christmas day (not fair on the children to rush them from place to place really).
My mother, sister (and her almost ex h) came to us from christmas eve till boxing day, and on boxing day my great aunt and uncle came for dinner.
DHs parents went to visit his sister in Devon every year as she had a bitchfit if they ever tryed to do anything else. (MIL had to move there when FIL died.)

This year will be the first with new partner and hopefully we will have my mother, sister and DH here for christmas day and go to DH for boxing day, still inviting aunt and uncle over.
New partners parents may be coming to us for new year (they were invited for christmas but had other plans as his sister is going there and they live at the other end of the country.)

When all is said and done it is your house, and if you are inviting them in to it then it has to be on terms that suit you, as to food etc.
Do you have children (guess you do as this is mumsnet) do your BIL and SIL have children?
Could your DH talk to his mum and tell her it is unfair to never come and eat with you?
How about you take it in turns with BIL every year?

Good luck working this out, and have a good christmas whatever you do.